Hash Trash

[Thanks to Groping Bar-Knee for this week's Hash Trash]

 

 

 

EPH3 Commentary for Sunday July 6th…  the “AA Hash” (Array of Aromas) 

 

A foreboding aromatic scent of a stale pungent ammoniated by-product, originating from
"I care not to mention" from varied dark downtown alleys…..which often was where da pack was led into mahked by quickly fading splooge…This almost being a Hashers worst shiggy nightmare.  I'd say it was up there with Resevoirs and no Cheetos at a Soy-Kul.….. No…No!...A Hasher’s worst nightmare…is to cum upon trail leading to a Beer Chek…only to realize that sum blasphemous Civilian Hog…stole the Beer Chek… and so the pack moves on…into another “Phew” alley…“Hoser?”..”Yikes, cries out Bah-Knee”..What is that smell…”Bah-knee” Hoser steps into his lecture mode, minus da Soap-Box”…..Haven’t you ever eaten them pickled eggs, and pig’s feet often found in one of dem piss-on-da-wall Bars in Central and than cut the cheese soon there-after.  ”Cut da Cheese?” “Cut-da-Cheese?”…You mean Fart..right? Fart?...whew, phew!...Ok Bar-Knee stop eeet…don’t you dare end up making this Hash-Trash topic around Fart jokes..It was just a metaphor I was using….says Hoser...Most of these characters you see peering out & around these alleys…Like perhaps those three stooges over dare “Curly, Larry, & Paco” were raised around dem Piss-on-da-wall Bars probably grew up in dem..and now have scented, et.al alleys with dare aromatic scent…of pickled whatever…Hoser? What Bah-Knee?...Let’s get out of dis alley…Ok Bah-knee I’m right wif-ewes…On-On…

 

Well da Hares…Mr. LIITA (proud sponsor of now named “Likes-it-in-the-Caboose (LIITC), and visiting

voi-gen friend of LITTC, Just Mike), along wif Co-Hare “Clitigation, Oh Clitigation what’s ur Motivation” managed to weather (which was good)..the fact dat the Beer Chek was stolen…and an array of “Phew Alleys”.  It was a multi-event Hash…EPH3 managed to find Point “A” in the labyrinth of city streets often closed, and speckled with detours… was at or near the downtown Greyhound bus-stop, behind El Museo, and Historic Plaza Tee-ah-Tro…Still a good turn-out was on hand..ready, willing…& well supplied wif frosty beverages…frantically waiting for Hares Out, and a On-On, to get on wif the enriching smells, scents, and Array of Aromas.   Forth-cumming…Shoot! And that’s just a few of our Harriettes, trail was promising to be butter…on the road….Everybody, minus  a few, was dare…Voi-Gens up the Yahoo Tooo!...Just Mitch, Just Tricia, Just Jonathan,  and of course Just Mike … Now new Voi-Gen “Just Mike” sponsored by LIITC, was on hand Sunday not necessarily to run, Why? we might ask, cause as we continually hoid from him, he had “bad ankles”, but rather, I would suspect, to keep an eye on Caboose…”Now Mike?” Da Bahn asks….”Just how long have you been dating Ms.Likes It in the Caboose?” - ….(So he answers in this high pitch “Mike Tyson” voice)…meanwhile Da Bahn…is trying not to shit his pants wif laf-tuh...trying to hold it in...after hearing Just Mike esplane himself..”Well...Let me see” says Just Mike…”oh, about forever”…”and he adds, “Ah!..Mr. Barr-Neee, I can’t run you know” “I’m hurt” “I have bad ankles”…Ah-huh...Hmmm? Ok Just Mike…No problem, you don’t have to run…Soooo Mike…what do you do for a living?…He ah-gen, answers in his Mike Tyson voice  “Ah? I work…You know I can’t run…I can’t run…because I have a bad ankle”….Just Mike…Listen, says da Bahn, You don’t have to run…now enuff about you freaking, fracking, “Pinche” ankles…Mann-O-Mann…and Ur “Da Dude Dat Does Da Caboose”…Hijola Bato, Que Pues…Well, anyway…Hares Out!! Shouts Porta…3, 2, 1…Walking…Running and we’re off….Dis-A-Way, and Dat-A-Way….Up Mills, Down Mesa, Up Oregon, down to Paisano…along Paisano…Alleys hee-ah, Alley’s dare…”Ali-Alee, Ali-A-La, Ali-ah-Baba”…to Overland, to County Jail…where we witness da weekly Air Writing Competition…by wayward goyle-friends, and wifes of incarcerated Dude-Meisters…Yikes…and no telling what dare in dare for….On-On…Well after about an hour or so..of finding trail…and our sinuses totally demolished…Beeer Neeeer! Came da Cry…FRB…Hmmm..I thought eeet was Porta...or Miss Hair..”Balls-in-Hand”…Nah! Eeet was “Wake Me ---“ who gave us the finger as we all approached da “B”..cumming-eeen.  DFL…shoot, I don’t know…maybe won of the walkers… Slowly da eventual pack came in “Bi-da-Numbers, Porta, Fidel Assblow, Pubic Nightmare, Pussy Rican, Quantum-Queerie, Corky minus da Price, Elmer Pud wif his Balls a Boining...(Says he was chafed cause he freed Weeely)…and my poy-sun-nal friend C-Alice….Twatt-Rott…and her new found friend wif size 12 feets…”Go Figure, huh?” Just Joe…Joe da Big Guy…which I might add is a foy-mah “JarHead” Oooorah!....”SOYKUL UP!!!” shouts…Our illustrious Religious Advisor Porta…EPH3, Hares…after having received nominations…who is going to be the recipient of the “Weekly Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hashit Award” dis week…..”Bah-Knee!!!!” …What? What? Mua…What For? What did I dooo?...For not bringing cups for the Bee-Aaah Bitch…Now dat’s Cheesy..says da Bah-Knee…Shoot the Hares lost the Beer-Chek…Our sinuses are shot…
And I get the Hashit for no cups…Mann-O-Mann…Pinche Hashers, says Bah-Knee…Okay…Okay….Chug-a-Lug….and da festivities proceeded with a Buzzed Bah-Knee on Hand...until Swing-Low was sung…Thereafter…it was on where pots of EPH3 proceeded to a kick-ass On-After in Honor of departing Hand-Job-Daly, for her last Hash with the EPH3…Shooot…never got a chance to hit…dat half-mind...split-tail, Haly, Daly, Schmaly, whatever…Which is probably all I would’ve ever needed, Just a Half-Mind…to Hash wif the EPH3…& Daly....

 

This is Bah-Knee signing off till next week…On-On 


Next Hash... I tink Dok-Tor Wang put out da details already...

It's Pony Pumper and Quantum...Search the Website. 

 

 

 

Sunday 5/18/2008  Red Dress Run

 

"Ewe look simplee “Mah-Veh-Less”, Darleengks"

 

EPH3’s umptieth “Annual Red Dress Hash”….Yes!!...Point “A” cooo-dif easily qualified as a major fashion runway, perhaps not en Nueva Yorke, but soy-tan-lee, Frisco fer-shure…dare was an array of fashionistas…arriving @ or next to Coronado HS pah-keen lot…and it was a good thing…eeet was the West-Side (a wee-bit more liberal) udder-wise…most and especially da Dragsters (Shoit for Drag Queens)…wooo-duf gotten a few Cat-calls from drive by Cholos…especially in the Lober Val-Leee…Yikes!!..An often quip that was hoid amongst all was:...”Darleengk” ewe look sim-plee “Mah-Veh-Less”…Yes! “Mah-Veh-Less”…Ex-Coo-Se-Mua  Dee-aah!...Does my butt…look to big in dis…slip”  Hoser axseses.. No of course not…Darleengk…answers Bah-Knee…Slutty, and Phantom axeseses mua, Da Bah-knee da same pregunta…except dat as a life saving instinctful reflex…da Bah-Knee did not answer…except for a quick…”Ah Yes! Darleengk, ewe look sim-plee “Mah-Veh-less”…And so after a quick visual and un-official vote as to who was the fairest of dem all….”Mirror, Mirror, on the wall…here eye cums balls to the wall”…Yeah!!...Da Hare(s)…Phantom Bitch, LIITA, and da Hoser…soy-tan-lee went out of dare way to lay…a half/mita decent trail..through scenic Mesa inclusive of a keen On-In…where da antics of EPH3rrrs’ definitely left a traumatic impression on the local Bar-flys dare.  We went dis way, and dat way all along Mesa ..where horns were blowing, flowers being thrown at some of the Hashers..especially dis two Yiddish/Jewish Wild and crazy guys kept following the Pack around whistling at Porta John…"Mor-Tee!, Yes Yosef"...EPH3 doesn't want to hee-ah about our antics...so keep a low profile...and so...Mucho Funno...was had et al...and on our way to a perfectly planned on-after...Now let's "C" if we can keep in tune wif da "What, When, Where, and How"...Kronologee of dis half fast write-up...udderwise we'll get a harsh critic from our editor "Big Lou da Dok-Tor Wang" "Bah-Knee don't get conceptual...just the Phucks..Oooops, I mean; Just the Facts, Da Facts Bah-Knee....Okay Dok-Tor...Hmmmm?....Well I poi-sun-ah-lee...disagree wif who in fact was the FRB...It was Racing Stripes...cause I remember being pushed out of the way....and dan Corky got his helmet stuck in the fence...screaming; "Get me out of here...pah-leese...Get me out of here...I'm stuck"  and dan Da Weekly "Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hashit Award went to Mr. Pecs himself...."Macho, Macho Man...I wanna bee, A Macho Man"...Mr. ROTC...who insisted on being Un-Red-Dressed in light of the Festivities... Next DFL...Sheeet...Nut Nipper of course...Price is right..half-assessed eeet the whole way...partly autohashin...Newlywed or not...she shee-ted..Namesakes..."Cumming Problemos....Phantom Bee-ash, LIITA..accompanied by a new friend...Mann? Where does he find dem...Hey..LIITA How about hooking up the GropeMeister wif a look in your BlackBook...  Whoa!... Anyway...also a comming problemo was Nut Nipper, Woiks da Meat, and Ms. Schmell herself...Twatt-Rott...VOIGENssss', Ah Yes!!! Bah-Knee...donut fogget da Voigens... Less "C"...Just Cat-Lean (Kathleen), Just Trevor..who I might add is a poi-fect candidate and a naming cum-tee-tee should be foimed to especially consider naming him..."Lenny" (Re:  Steinbeck's Of Mice & Men).  Just Trevor...apparently kept holding on to this stuffed furry rabbit in his pocket and he kept axing Hand Job Daily...if she wanted to rub his "Furry Wabbit"...Hmmm? Wonder if it really was a "Wabbit" in his pocket...anyway!...Also LIITA's friend Just Lorena...also a real Hot-Tee...apparently was having a Poi-Fect EPH3 time..."Half-Mindedly Half Fasting Eeeet"...another teeeng eees, Da Goil could soy-tan-lee run..... Visiting named Hashers....Bunker Beater (JHavelina), Racing Stripe (BJH3) although seems that Stripeseses is now Hashing more wif EPH3 these days...He's got Cinco Corridas (5 runs wif EPH3) which makes him eligible for a renaming cum-tee-tee to foim up and consider getting rid of his Lame Name from the BJH3...Hmmm? Wonder why he's been hanging around so much ...wif the EPH3...Cood-Eeeet, Woood-Eeet be poi-haps a business affiliation wif ...Swallows my Kids?...Nah! No-Way...Well Coood-Beeee.  Folks....We have a new categoreee...It's going to be

"The Best Tush" of which our first candidate for nomination...will be "Pubic Nightmare" ...VaVa-Vah-Vooom!! Wooo-Hoooo! Wuf-Wuf...Mann that Goyl is packing some Tush...torrid-lee visible after the napkins she was wearing as a Bikini....Of course the Bah-Knee got chided cause the Bah-Knee was hungree (in more ways dan uno) for a Frankfurter...during the on-after, and so Bah-Knee found the Buns and commented...Whoa...dis are some nice buns...coicidently as "Pubes" walked by...And so Pubes yells at Bah-Knee..."I beg you Pardon"...Darleengk...You don't have to beg for a "Nut"-Teeng from Me... Also on hand...and we cain't nay-mum all...."Newlyweds" Corky, and Price is right....(anybody want to start up a pool and the longevity on dis one)....Rectal Monitor minus...Hula, and da Prefessor...Limp..., Porta..da the un-distinguished "RA", Elmer Phucker, Balls in Hand, da Bee-U-Tee-Ful Clitigation, Pussy Rican, da antics of Wakes Me...Short Dick Strawberry...and of coy-se...The GropeMeister....shuffling along at a slow pace which I might add....was also chastised by "Hand Job Daily"...as she swooops by the Bah-Knee...saying...

"Hurry ewes Old Fart...cum on and try to catch me....I'm not wearing underwear"...Of which da Bah-Knee says...I know...I can schmell...and besides what for, they'll just disintegrate anyway....Whoa!!! Well...In a Nut shell folks...

That's what eet totalled up to be...for the Half-Minds @ EPH3 this past Sunday...which is really all you need...

Oh! Oh!! Bah-Knee Don't Forget Boith-Tays...and a mention to all of this cumming weeks "Tribute to Toothfaire's Boith-Tay, and Memorial Hash".....Okay!! Well A-Bee-deee- A-Bee-Dee....Dat's all folks...

 

Groping Bah-Knee signing Off....

 

 

Sunday 4/20/2008

 

 “Hey Hoser…”…”After dat split, I can’t find trail in this direction either”….”There’s none that way either”...”Well? Hmmm? says da Hoser”…”Da only udder way, is dis-a-way, Bah-Knee" "towards da desert and that “Humongus-eseses Reservoir” … Yikes!! Aaaargghhh!... ”No-Way-Ho-Say!!...Nope, Not!!..."No more Reservoirs!"…Bah-Knee screams lamenting as he freaks out…”Wait a minute, Wait-ah-Minuto!!" I got sum chaulk here!!..Hmmm? “Bah-Knee ponders”…Yep..Yessereee buddy, C-moan Ese…Let’s C??…One big Soy-kul…and a giant “B” solves da mystery" Yea, Baby!! Whala!…"Hey Hoser…I fount da “B”..it’s right here where I’m standing…On-On, On-In..Near Beer…here eeet eees!...No problemo….Hey Hoser? Ewe tink...da Hare "Works-da-Meat" will mind if the "B" eees here...Hmm-Nah!...I don't tink she'd decided either...We just helped her out a little by figuring eeet out for her...Hey Hoser, Hey..dares “Price is Right” walking dis way…Hey “Price is Right” "Com-C-Hee-ah, Darleengk"…Here, right here where Bah-Knee eees…Now Deareee…step right dare…Ah-Yes Gotcha!!!…Hey Hoser,…We gots-us an “FRB” tooos…It’s da “Price is Right”, and they'll probably git her for AutoHashing also..…"Bah-Knee...ewes "SCB (Short Cutting Bastard)" Ewes! Ur a definte problemo-solver, says da Hoser...Now...Hmmm? Let's get our stories straight before da pack gets here..."Okay Hoser" says "Bah-Knee"..It'll be easy convincing da pack...but it might take a little more getting "Corky" to believe us....How far behind you figure da pack eees at...Geeez, probably, about 20 minutes or more...Ah-Yesseree Bud-deee".... "Hey Bah-Knee?..."Ewe wanna Bee-aah? wheres da cheetos?" ...Yep..Sure Hoser...I'll take one...Let's just kick back here..and relax...Hey...Hoser..guess us old timers..out-smarted dem fastees, and smartees...huh?? "Yep Bah-Knee..We did dat"...Hey Hoser?...You know I hoid...that dares always Toids in dat tunnel..."Noooo Shit Bah-Knee?..."Yeah Shit! Shit Hoser"...."Big Ole-Toids"...Dems look like da big $dollar size Baby Ruths, or Butterfingers"...”Shit”...I'm glad we by-passed da tunnel Hoser...Da Pack...Day halfs gots to "Watch-da-Toids"....in da Tunnels..."Bah-Knee...ewes said eet all in one woid...."Shit"...Yep...You've gots to"Watch-da-Toids" and not step on dem in dis life...."Sooooo Da Hoser, and Da Bah-Knee, break out in this bigs holesum..."Gregarious" laughter...as day enjoy dare Bee-aahs, & sum cheetos!....

 

 

 

Hey Hoser?....What Bah-Knee?.."drink you Bee-aah...I gots to do dis", doo what Bah-Knee? I gots to finish...the "Hash Trash" while we wait for the pack...Hmmm? Now where was eye...Oh yeah....

 

 

 

Well EPH3...eet was another great outing for the El Pisso brood...and we had a spectacular toin-out...Old-timers, Nu-Timers, Voigens to be named, and foist timer toos, Nupital Announcements (Price & Corky), Anniversarios Ala-Carte (Wake me when eeets over, & and his delicious shagging pot-nah, “P-Wreak-Can) and all kinds of udder "Shit"...Oooops, sorry folks..Anyway...Ewes coulds find Point "A" wif ur eyes closed...Dyer @ Tetons at the Sunrise Shopping Area.....Da Hare “Work-Da-Meat”…is perhaps one of the best Hares @ EPH3...”Why?” You might ask, cause dutifully, she takes our mainstreamers (intellectually challenged, i.e., “retareds”) into consideration (Corky, Bah-Knee, Hoser, hmmm? Maybe the RA toos) and lays out a negotiable trail…except for the Toid-eeen-da-Tunnel-Trap (da triple Ts’)…anyway…it was a Dead trail…pointing straight to the tunnel entrance at Chapin High School, via, a few jaunts around scenic ghetto Northeast El Pisso.  Bah-Knee? Why you make this soooo long…Cum & Finish your Bee-aah; dares a few cheetos left.  Okay…Hoser!...Alrightee dan…Let’s recap…finally after a few bee-aahs…the pack started drifting in stepping on a Bah-Knee inspired “Point B”..…FRB of course.. Price-Eees-Right…visiting Hasher…Operation Lost Cause, & confusing as it may…Mastergator who claims North County (San Diego) H3…although most remember him from hee-ah…..And “Ah-Guillen”…We managed to lose…part of the Peter’s Out Clan…Seems “MOMs’ maternal instincts kicke in…and she returned herself wif/brood in tow, back to point “A”…Hmm? Mustah got a wif of da “Triple Three Danger” i.e. “Toid-een-da-Tunnel Trap”. Da weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash”SHIT” award went to nun-udder than “ROTC” along wif a nu-shoe wif shit..recognition - Cumming Problemos “C-Alice”..Voigens nu-leee named and forever shall be knowned  Just Rachel  “Swallow my Kids”, Just Dave “Fidel AssBlow”, and Just Jackie “Pubic Nightmare”…Now as the RA came into the “B”…along wif da Pack…Da Bah-Knee was wondering what that schmell..was…Soooo Da “RA – Porta John” kept lamenting – “Whoa…Did ewes people “C” dat big “Toid” een-da Tunnel”…”Who step on eeet?” Apparently da whole half mind pack did!....Soooo Da Hoser, and da Bah-Knee looks at each udders…And Gregariously started to laughs again…wif…orange rings around da mouth from Cheetos.. And a cool buzz..from a couple of Bee-ahhs…Half-Mind Happiness which is all ewes need To Hash wif da EPH3 in El Pisso….

 

 

On-On Bah-knee signing off…

 

 

 

 

EPH3 Commentary "Pre-lubing…and setting Rapport"…(Sunday 4/6/2008)

So dare we was @ the pre-lube juncture...before Hash Time...Da Gropemeister, oily as usual...and shortly arrived das Hares..."Wake me when it's over, and his be-loved Pot-Nah..."Poncho da Dog"...and also his udder be-loved Dog! Doh! Yikes!!.. Oooops, I meant, his udder beloved "Pussy Rican". Poifect and Bee-U-Tee-Ful afternoon for a figure "8" trail...Grahams was definitely da place to start...We conversed, laughed and cried, remenisqued...Da conversations became a pot-of-us...calmly and continaully batting away those pesky Bar-Flies...by screaming..."No...I won't buy ewes another beer...ewes ugly bee-aash, wif no teefs" Go away...

Yes...again a wonderfully chosen...piss-on-da-wall establisment...Now..folks Bah-knee is able to be just as Politically Correct...as da next "retired salty jarhead with no tact" but sometimes ewes just gots to call an Ace, and Arce.... 

 

Now I figured…weighing in @ about 375 to 400 lbs…is an understatement….But this “Gentlemen” and I’m loosely stating –  This Gentlemen axes mua “Bah-knee” while we enjoyed da view on the "Veronda" dare at the Pre-lube @ Grahams… ”Hey" he says….Soooo ewes guys are a running club, huh?”.."Why do ewes guys Hash (Run)???"…Now dis he axes me (Bah-Knee)…while he’s chomping on a 2 or 3 pattie Hamburglar, wif 14 slices of pasteurized cheese, pieces of food still on his mustache, face brilliantly glowing around his pie-hole from the grease, and as he chugged on a 64 oz….Mason Jar of Bee-aah!  Now how rhetorical…can dis 400 pounder’s question “B”….Well…w/out the GropeMeister even muttering a woid…I would think Mr. Hamburglar aficionado and medical ailments poster character would have guessed on the following reasons why we Hash (Run):  Hmmm? Let’s see if he can read minds…Da GropeMeister is tinking, to stave-away, and deter Hypertension (High Blood Pressure), Diabetes, Grotesque Obesity, Habitual Plumber’s Crack, Lack of finding clothes that fit…, only able to wear  Moomus in a size XXXXXL, infinite sandal wearer, cause ewes feets looks like Michelin tires, and no shoes will fit, Mandatory Celibacy cause no women could possibly stand your ass schmell, or breath underneath ewes…if ewes got dat close. I was expecting Dr. Wang-Dang-Dooo, and also recently graduated from Anesthiologist  apprenticeship, and now a full Journeyman Dok-Tor "Wake Me" would have weighed in...on a few udder reasons why.....to the Big Guy asking why we Hash (Run)..but they was also busy...working up one of dose...Hamburglars for demselves... Now…Eeen-Cre-Da-Bleee!!..(incredibly)…Bah-Knee…had a shoit circuit…will probably need to get re-wired, get counseling, and immediately kept muttering thereafter…..”Ah Bee-Dee, Ah-Bee-Dee, Ah-Bee-Dee”…cause he hoid…”Balls-In-Hand”, as she sheepishly whispered to our 400 plus lbs Big Guy …”Oooooo! I likes Big Guys U-know!...batting eyelashes et al., while she twoiled her twisted-sistah…hair…rocking her un-crossed legs, back & forth”  “Ooooo! Yes (with a lisp)…I really like Big Guys…Well, in the woids of our favorite Dance Studio Madonna…”Ditch-da-Bitch”…quote: Whatever blows your Skoit Up!...or….Ooooo, go ahead...Go Ahead “Mess with my Tutuuuu!!”  And there you have eeet folks…another Half-Mind Moment….Anyways…As you’ve already guessed, Point “A” was  an often Hash watering hole, Piss-on-da-Wall, Da Famous “Grahams”…home to a Barfly Commune. 

Soooo as we're conversing, and Hashers gradually kept arriving...the also Bee-U-Tee-Ful Clitigation arrives, waving away..to all...and Bah-Knees tinking, Yea!! we gots us an FRB...but "Clit" says she's not Hashing..cause..sumteen wasn't right..and not feeling good...She said that eeet was going in one way...and cumming out da udder...so I figured.."Hmmm"? Gots to find da "G" spot...But than she says...that sumtimes also, eeets going & cumming boat ways...Yikes, Yuks, Eeewww! Now dats kinky...to much venue...for da GropeMeister....So she waved goodbyes...and said...C-Us' next week...More, & more Hashers continually arrived, and finally...after Hares Out, & Chaulk talk...a long figure 8 trail..was in the making...I guess sum-teen was going around...cause also...Hand Job Haly...while on trail..says to the Groper...Hey Bah-Knee...I feel like "Hurling"..."Hurling?" Hoiling what?...A shot-put, an Ex-Boyfriend, dirty skivvies...What?...No you Dink..she says to the Bar-knee...I feel like hurling...Oh!! Bah-Knee says...Well, foist of all...don't get to close to me, and try to put your finger in...just do eeet..and it'll happen...and you'll feel better...Just put the Finger In...Yikes!!!! Not dare (there) "Hand Job Haly"...in this case not the finger dare (there)...put eeet in your mouth..in your mouth, the finger in your mouth...Okay!!...Okay!! I says..."A Finger"..not your whole hand, and part of your arm....although dats quite admirable...Whoa...Hand Job...you've got talent...Need I say...that Hand Job Haly earned herself the "The Weekly Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash-Shit Award"...for her un-mitigated talent...at being able shove a whole Hand and Arm into her mouth, mistakenly for a simple Forefinger...It's no wonder why she's named "Hand Job Haly"...Huh??? She finally Hoiled tooo....Now Rumor has eet dat da weeks...FRB was an even tied betweengst...."Dunno (who's Dunno), Porta John, ROTC, Red Light, Face Down, and who knows who"...DFL and we waited and waited....Corky da Retard, minus...Price!, and Strawberry Short Dick...Ah-Ha....Cumming Problemo & Autohasher Phantom Bitch, Slutty White Trash, Da Power of Cock....Hoser...Hmmm? Hoser...Noooo Shit...Autohashing...Hoser?.....Udder notables...Visiting Hasher Tazmanian Devil hailing from the Okinawa H3, on his way to Iraq...be safe and On-On...In receipt of a EPH3 Bandana...Stawberry, and Hoser "Again in the news"....Whistle awardee...Just Rachel..."Blew away..all day...cums natural to her".  Another Cumming Problemo...Nut Nipper...(Guess he finally realized da Cowboys ain't playing no more)....Hap-Pee Boith-Tay...to Works-Da-Meat...who kept tugging at Bah-Knee's Shoits...Be careful..my dear..the "One-Eyed-Fool" will get ewes.......Soooo Folks...a great Hash had been Had...at EPH3...all over the WestSide...courtesy of "Wakes me" "Pussy Rican", and Half-Mind Hasher "Poncho da Dog"...which is really all you need to Bar-Fly yourselves to another good weekly trail...Dis is Bah-Knee Signing off till next week...

 

On-On...Groping Bar-Knee...

 

Upcoming Schedule

04-13-2008...Sunday 4pm...Hare "Porta John"...Porta John...Sunland Racetrack near the Casino

04-20-2008...Sunday 4pm...Hare(s) Works-da-Meat, & Corky...Point "A" Sunrise Center..off Dyer street

04-20-2008..Sunday 4pm...Hare “Twat Rot” Point A 3333 N. Yarbrough at the Special Edition Lounge parking lot

 

 

 

 EPH3....The Darwin Hash..(Sunday 3/30/2008)

 

Aaannnd Soooo! Hashers & Harriettes…"Maestro, drum roll pal-leese!" Da recipient of dis Year’s Award….all rolled into one, A combination, An array…A mixture…of both blasphemous violations, and not-noteworthy endeavors…starting with da not-coveted…”Darwin Award” for scaling an 8 ft. chain-link fence lined with Barbed Wire on top, and simply jumping off without consideration of life, limb, and who da hell would have driven “Pussy Rican, & Poncho da Dog” home…if he’d kilt himself…Also in the mix was FRB, and Lastly…a strong, very ascertive nomination pledged by Dok-Tor Wang-Dang-Doo, for the Weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and HashShit Award, for Competition…Yes..Non-udder than our own “Wake me when it’s Over”….apparently somebody didn’t. is what I think. “Wake Me” was simply anesthised and a true “Darwinist”…Yea!! Wake Me!...

 

Well folks (EPH3)…Bah-Knee, i.e., da Groper is back with of course some observations while on trail, and simply, a much biased opinion…Ewes guys Disagree?...Well than..”Ph—ck”, Ewes guys write you own shit!

 

It was a breezy splendid afternoon for Hashing…while EPH3s’ arrived at Point “A” Blackie Chesser Park …in the greater Lower Valley Da Hares…Da much dersirable, shagging pot-nah to Facedown, H2HO..and her culprit Harriette, Da Bee-U-Tee-Ful Clitigation.. both experienced at Laying...in more ways dan one...may I say...."Vava-Va-Vooom!" Okay!...So dare we was...the Old-Timers...Porta...Da Groper, and udders...we're guessing we'd be following trail straight into Da Tunnel..."What Tunnel?" ewes guys might ask, well if ewes was an "Old Timer" you'd freeking know which Tunnel...Oye Vey!!! Anyway...We was guessing on going dat route... but to no avail..we ended up straight da opposite. going da other way....Which Way? On to the tempting and trying to Piss off God way...by asking..."Hey God...are you really there?...Which was right in front of one of his many summer homes he spends weekends at, i.e. "Abundantly Living Faith Center" a Big Choich..."Bah-Knee's Choich to be exact....Hmmm? Again, it was On-On to tempting "God" and although we had complete clear sunny skies...usually the Lightning comes out of nowhere...straight to where I dont's want to be...At the "Boob, and Package Checks" so skillfully mocked by the Hares whom were daring at best, I might add...So Da GropeMeister...shuttering, cringing, and under his breath...muttering, please Big Guy..I'm not with dis guys...and at the same time screaming to "Balls in Hand"...Hey...before ewes pulls up dat Tank Top for the woild...let me get about a hundred yards away from Ewes "Boo-Boo, Ta-Ta, and Package Checkers" as I can. Da GropeMeister don't pull on Superman's Cape, Bah-Knee don't spit into the wind, Would also shut-up, and get down when his Drill Instructor told him to, and doesn't ...Above all, Ewes can take dis to the Bank...Bah-Knee will not tempt the Big Guy...in anyway shape or form...Da Bah-Knees life is intricately, acutely, and delicately balanced in exactness between Da Big Guy (Whom is Foist), and Yes, Yes...Hashing...Nuff said...So dare we was again...following trail...after the Lightning struck..which left "Balls in Hand's" Hair-Do...all metted, kinked and spiky looking like "Twisted-Sister"....with her eyes bugging out....No Shit, No Shit!! She kept saying...I'm keeping my shoit on next time....Finally, Soooo dare's the foist, and only Beer Check.. Yea~! Time for a frostry beverage....Roll call? Everyone

hee-ahh?....Whistles blaring...Hey Wang...Herr Dok-Tor Wang! Over hee-ahh!......Sooo Wang shows up at the Beer Check holding a pair a Racing Striped Skivvy Underwear..A real nasty pair tooo!...Hey Wang...what? what? Just finished up a Gus-Know-Cow-Logist Exam at the clinic, or sumteen? What are ewes, Michael Jordan's bud-deee..getting free underwear?...What?...Soooo Wang says...I fount dis on trail...and I thought they'd be interesting...Maybe we can stick-em in the Hash-Shit...., Huh?....Well my thoughts (Bah-Knee's, i.e.) are that never make suggestions unless you're prepared for them to backfire on ewes....Huh? Dok-Tor Wang....Huh?..... "SOY-KUL UP" da RA screams in our ears...after a much interesting trail had finally taken us...to the "B" up & near da end of Lee Trevino, and Northloop some freaking where...."SOY-KUL UP"....Hares...Who in your unquestionable half-minds is dis week's recipient of da weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and HashShit Award", Dok-Tor Wang!!! Ha! Ah-Ha! Told ewes Wang...should've kept your Skivvies on....FRB....again...somebody didn't, "Wakes Me When It's Over".  Actually...the week's Bee-aah Bitch, should've been nominated for Hash-Shit, and the Darwin Award for stealing the RA's appropriated can of puke "Fosters Bee-aah", and risking getting kilt too(s)....Excommunicated member of the BJH3 and now monk follower of the EPH3 received a 25 Hash Patch...."69" Voi-Gens...and our favorite and finally "Blond Shell Bomb Half-Mind" Da also Bee-U-Tee-Ful "Bi-Da-Numbers" as DFL...who half-mindedly finally made it to the "B" after calling Bah-Knee guzzillion times on her cell (technology on trail)....to find out half-mindedly where da "B" was....which is all you

needs to Hash...wif da EPH3....

 

This is Groping Bah-Knee signing off..

On-On...

C-Ewes next week..

 

Next Hash

04-06-2008 Sunday 4pm - Hare(s) "Wake me when it's Over"...Point "A" is at the somewhat coiner of

                  Sunland Park Drive, and N. Mesa...@ Grahams

 

 

 

EPH3 Commentary for Sunday Mar 16th - Da Swiiish-Swooosh Hash

 

Swissssssh, Oooossshhh…Swooooosh , iiisshh!!!…Shhhiisss s…Oooh Shit!!…And sooo, they call da winds “Mariah”…and so do they every udder girl here in dis town tooo!…(Maria Guadalupe, Maria Dolores, Maria Twatt Rott, and of course Maria Clitigation) Mann, oh Mann…Did you guys see dat Cow flying bye??  How about dat little Chevy Geo with the peeps still in it??…Needless to say EPH3, Da Winds were challenging, and I don’t mean a few Hashers having a lactose in-tolerant day, but simply Mutha Nature having a little Gas herself, which is the noim dis time of year in El Pisso, and seemed like a real piss-sah…Well? Maybe not the noim completely, yet a little Swoosh & Swish, did not deter EPH3’s die-hards…in having attended Sundays weekly family re-union…Now there was also some issues in a changing over to a 4-issh start time, and a little confusion with Point “A” which “Eees” the Noim with EPH3, butt were quickly stifled by one of our Fearless Leaders in having grabbed the Bull by the Horns…and

E-rectified the matter “mosh-kosh rickee-tic”;  Hmmm? Was dem it’s Horns he grabbed eeet from…well it was somewhere, or a reasonable facsimile…Now Hoser says: quote: “Well--let's hope everyone goes to the CORRECT Valley Feed Store--So it's the one at 368, I repeat 368, and not 328. Shoooot…Who knew there were 2 Valley Feed Stores on Yarbrough a block apart!!. Good thing we changed it for poor ole Corky. “  Tanks Hoser…this was directional, and inspirational…  Point “A” mind you….at 368 Yarbrough (Valley Feed Store)…is a stretch away from our usual…WestSide events…however, it still toined out to be a Nice Hash…all 6 hours, and 36 minutes of eeet, tracking thru the greater lower valley.  May I say…dat perhaps…our weekends Hare’s (Facedown  & Spreadum, and H2Ho…his Bee-U-Tee-Ful Shagging Potnah) were perhaps a tad overzealous…”A Tad” !!!! Freaking Fracking Fre^@$$#*$&ing, what the F&*(%^@%^#^CK! ! (s) wrong wit you guys…having us track all over da woild…Shoot!! Somebody please take dem chaulk sticks, and splooge away from dem two(s)…until they find demselves back into grace with EPH3. Yikes no more Haring for dem 2s’ until they reconsider and understand what A nice jaunt for fun….on a Sunday really means… Anyway…most of the regulars were on hand, cept a few…but more importantly were our esteemed Voigens, and visiting Hashers,  Hailing from the Santa Barbara, CA Hash House Harriers, was “Princess Blowjob” an exceptional Hasher in finding trail…Mostly FRBied the whole trail….Also, were BJ’s H3…”Racing Stripes, and his ???? Hmmm? don’t know exactly, Friend, Shagging Pot-nah, confidant?.. .”Itchy-Scratchy”…she could find trail 2’s…Mostly led alongside da udder two visitors….but the poy-sun that absolutely stole the show…Was “Nun-Udder” than Twatt-Rott’s Voi-Gen….”Just Nancy”….whoa!!…VAVA - VAH -VOOOM!!!!  Okay…folks…ewe all can imagine what the trail was like…right?.. . Long & Dusty…so let’s fast forward to Point “B”…and catch our next act…Stage “!”, da Soykul, scene 6….Hoser as the Substitute RA…considering dat Porta…couldn’t get his permission slip signed in time to have attended Sunday….  EPH3 let’s talk, we gotsta talk…Now the GropeMeister has seen some “boo-teee” in his day…butt, butt!!...And I emphasize “Butt”  Geeez….this Goyl…reference our newest Voi-gen in-mind and on-hand…Just Nancy…Yikes…”J-Lo” couldn’t hold a candle to her…Whoa…my knees were shaking…This Voi-Gen…Just Nancy…was dee Utopia for poi-fect “boo-teee”…Whew…symmetrically poi-fect Now…Now…I gotta tell ewes guys a “Story” - - - “A “Story!” incredible, fantastic, holy hell fire sheet!...Tell us about eeet Bah-Knee, ewe Mo-Fo”…Okay, Okay…I will just hold on to ewes’ skivvies…all you limees…Here eet goes....Have ewes guys ever had an animal Run across your path as you’re driving…especially at night…all of a sudden they’ll stop in front of your car….and give you dat “Dee-De-Reee” look…like a real blank in their eyes…just before you go over them and hear a thump in your wheels…huh? It’s called “Da Deer in the Headlights Symdrome? Huh?...Well dat’s exactly How Hoser…our substitute RA looked when he had dis Voi-Gen “Just Nancy” in the Soy-Kul…and she toined around and says to Hoser…You like Eeet Hoser?…You like my Butt? You wanna touch eeet?  So I say’s to Hoser…Go ahead Hoser…Just shoit of a Scream in his ear…”Go Ahead Hoser” You DINK!!!!...Than all of a sudden Wowwy-Gosawy… Splat, Spat…Thump…Hoser whails on Bah-Knee…for screaming at him…Serves Bah-Knee right for standing so close to Hoser…while he spassed, and completely froze up……End of Story!! Ewes guys figure out the rest.  We’re still trying to wake Hoser from his catatonic state…as he whimpers in the corner in the fetal position sucking his thumb…He was completely taken, so here’s a dedicated song to the Hoser Monster:  http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=41APzy5kqBU

Except for Hoser’s Priceless event…which must go on the books alongside his “You’re not Number 1……Duh! What Now” fiasco….The recipient of the “Weekly Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award” was visting Hasher….Itchy- Scratchy”…Shoot I don’t remember why…point is it wasn’t me!....DFL…Twatt- Rott…for “Babysitting da Boo-Tee” her sponsored Voi-Gen having walked minus her shoes…and so on was “Just Nancy”, FRB…had to have been visiting Hasher… Princess Blowjob”….Udder Hashers on hand….The Power of Cock Compels You”, Hand Job Haly, Pony Pumper minus Paquito, Dee-De-Deee! Himself Mr. Corky himself, and his shagging Pot-Nah “The Price is right”,   And so the evening was finished off by our own Half-Wit “Corky”…as he gently rubbed Hoser and gently whispered…Ooomph! ….Ooomph…Hoser… Oooomph, you want some Cheetos?.It’s alright…wake up Hoser??  As he half-mindedly tried to wake Hoser from his Traumatic, Catatonic Half-State of mind…having experienced a visual poi-fect “Boo-Tee” half-eeen slipped from his Half-witted hands…which really is all you Need to Hash with the El Paso Hash House Harriers…….. Well Folks this is Bah-Knee signing off…till next week….On-On!! !

 

Upcoming Schedule:

3/23/2008 Sunday 4pm...Hare:  Hand Job Haly: Point "A" to be announced...

3/30/2008 Sunday 4pm...Hare(s) H2Ho and the Vivacious "Clitigation" Point "A"

                            to be announced

 

 

 

 

Welcome EPH3 2/23/2008

 

“Dee-De-Dee!!” “Dee-De-Dee!!” Hey Corky,  R-U??….”dee-de-reee”!! Hmmm? Guess his On…Shooot!...He don’t need a whistle…Just follow the “Dee-De-Reee’s”…. Now, now…Corky stop trying to bite your Ear…and look for trail…”Omn-Kay, Omn-kay”  says Corky…

 

Folks EPH3..has taken a new leap & bound….and has become instrumental in the advancement of edumacation….by mainstreaming…da less fortunate in learning….Let’s see…Wif have Perfesser Limp Limb da Lecturer, a Dyslexic dcotro Nwag, “Ooops” Doktor Wang”…who sees Checking(s), and Harrows upside down and thus ends up going the wrong way….and also our favorite  mainstreamed special hasher “Corky-da-Retard” and his faithful caretaker, “Da Price is Right”…”Omnph Price Eees, Omnph Right” Corky mutters …Okay now Corky let’s settle down, put your tongue back in,  and keep finding trail for us.”Omnph-Kay” says Corky!!

 

Now where else would EPH3 feel right at home…finding trail, and finding trail, and finding more trail, On-On, and finding more trail.…if not in the scenic Upper Valley/Country Club area?? …Da Hare(s)…Porta John, and Wake Me Wen Eeet’s Over minus stickum-lickum Poncho Pony’s Pot-Nah, and also the Bee-U-Tee-Ful High-End-Erection,  gladly hosted all arriving…A familiar Point “A” at da Soy-kul “K” pah-keen lot on da corner of Upper Valley, and Country Club Road…An outstanding crowd was on-hand...thoisty for a frosty beverage, and no sign of the days BierMeister’s or his ETA, nonetheless,  all were ready to snare the hares……Finally, splooge is flying in the air, eyelashes batting away white flour dust…and the Hares are out!!…Voi-Gens..in da center..screams a soon to depart GrandMaster…Mr. Peter’s Out… “Dee-De-Ree”..cries out Corky…”I want to, I want to”…”be a Voi-Gen – Omph, Omph!!”...Now, now Corky..Let Mr. Peter’s out finish his talk…and again put your tongue back in your mouth, …You’re slobbering…”Hey Price ees Right”…clean him up will you??”  Now Corky…you can’t be a Voi-Gen...Omph Why? Asks Corky?...cause remember why you have Price eees Right?..Omph…Oh yeah, Omph!...She plays Milk and Cookies wif me, Omph…Eye likes eeet…Omph…It’s fun…and I feel tingly afterwards, Omph…Well Corky dats why…you can’t be a Voi-Gen…Bak-knee patiently explains to Corky...immediately following wif a good, and loud slap upside his head….”Head!!” who said “Head”!! Aaarghhh…Nevermind…Moving on…Walking!!!…The cry is hoid…and so da “Hoid” commences walking…Mooooo, Mooooo!...On-On…and Soooo..da GropeMeister himself commenceseses looking for trail….Bah-Knee went dis-a-way, and dat-a-way!  Up da river, down da river…acutely observant of where da freaking-fracking current FRB-er is heading towards….”there was da “C” which meant da fantabulous “Clitigation” had left her mahk…and than dare was an “RLS”…Whoa!! Now dis could be not well…slowly woiking himself back from problemo-cumming syndrome is Red Light Special who is notorious for zenning da wrong way…and than dare was “ROTC” and his trainee voi-gen! Freaking-fracking speedstas…same a Just Tracey now known as “Balls-in-Hand” which I’ll esplane later Lucy!!….. So finally…Da GropeMeister figured out a plan of attack….Dare goes “Bi-da-Numbers” hmmmm? No Ssheeet Sherlock…2+2=da “B”…Okay as a matter of unlogical deduction…1/2 of da Hares is Porta? Right…follow me EPH3…Porta’s shagging Pot-Nah…is “Bi-da-Numbers”…So..Bah-Knee catches up to Bi-da-#s’ and commences his best line…which was/is; Okay Bi-da-#s’” where’s da “B”…as he grabbed “Bi” in a vicious headlock…Give eeet up!!...and “Bi” says annoyed….”Bah-Knee!! Let me go!! B-4 ewes pisseseses me off…and I sic Hoser on ewes, and than I’ll pounce and kick ewes in the Nut-Sa-Rooos (Family Jewels) till ewe you cry…..Okay…Okay…”Bi” c-mon give eeet up….Wellll!! Bah-Knee just be quiet and follow me…and so the adventure began …Soooo finally cumming up on Marwood Park…We “C”…Just Craig…going in, cumming out in sum neighborhood…lost bigger than “Ssssheeet”…Guys, Guys??? I’m lost…can’t find trail…Ewes guys On??...Just Craig…Just follow me…Da Expert Trail finder..of course Bah-Knees’ showing off…Just follow us we’ll get ewes dare…and sooo

“Bi” looks over to Bah-Knee with dat “Bah-Knee ewe Dink” look on her face…..Frontera Road….whew!!! Finally…Beer Neer!! Alright!! It only took 4 hours, and 36 minutes out on trail…dat was a shoit one….

 

Soy-Kul…Up!!!….and sooo we re-cap da major events in the Soy-kul….this week’s FRB awardee & “Holy Sssheeet miracle woiker” Red Light Special zenned himself  to da “B”….Da weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Ssssheeet Award” to Doktor Wang....Dyslexic sufferer in that he read upside down checks, and split trails, went da wrong way, and took half da pack wif him.   DFL!! DFL!!..periodic problemo cummer Quantum Queerie….Poi-ma-nent..AutoHasher, and Bee-Aaahh Bitch…Slutty White Trash…Honorary Down-downs for Peter Out’s fruits of his Loins…”MiniMistress, and Cums when he Pleases”  who will be leaving wif dare fodder…Peter’s Out, and Mom…Aaahhh Yes…Naming Cum-Tee-Tees…foimed and Hashed out…da poi-fect call names for Just Tracey…who is now known as “Balls in Hand”…and also Just Haley   ….who is now known as “Hand Job Daly”  Hmmm?...Bah-Knee likes “Hand Job Daly”  whoa!!!...Any continuing Voi-Gens on hand Just Rachel…hmmm? Wonder if shes cumming back, and also “Just Steve”…nu category….Attends only On-Afters…Da Perfesser Limp-Limb…and da rest of the unmentionables….(Mua) Groping Bah-Knee, the Fantabulous “Clitigation”, Ms. Rectal Monitor…minus a Hula….”Rolled over touched Cock”….Who Dat???...and finally Half-Fast Nut Nipper, Pony Pumper, and Pony’s Tail…(Paquito)…all dis-respectable and well established EPH3 Half-Minds…which, whom, and all dat is need to Hash wif da EPH3….”Dee-De-Reee!!!”…Okay Corky…Put your tongue back in your mouth…and stop trying to bite your ear!!...Omph Okay…Bah-Knee!!...Dee-De-Reee….Dis is Bah-Knee signing off…

On-On!!

 

Next Hash  

 

3-2-2008  Sunday 3pm...Hare(s) Groping Bah-Knee, and Corky da Retard...Point "A" is at Montwood & Lee Trevino...Pah-keen lot of Carls Jr.

 

 

 

EPH3 Sunday the 17th

Okay…so dare da GropeMeister is, was, is at Point “A” La Calle Mesa kinda in front of UTEP, at the AutoZone and Chicagos eatery pah-keen lot…Hmmm? At least I think it is…Where’s everyone at?…Oh yeah, like shssss-geez…Right Bah-Knee…When does anybody ever get to any Point “A” on time?…Never!.. So dare I see Ditchah-Da-Bitchah driving by, whom is, one half of the Hare(s)…as she goes by…I wave franta-cal-lee…Hmmm? Maybe she didn’t see the GropeMeister…but of course later on she’ll just say she ignored me…Geez…I wanted to talk to her; to see if I could’ve squeezed Point “B” out-tah her...No deal Lucille….Not happening…I was figuring the udder Hare, H2-HO, would eventually show up…but to no avail…Probably out pre-laying…of course da original Hare: Face Down who wimped out due to Thespian Backstage duties at da “Romance of Dance Recital” playing across the street (UTEP)…was his preference instead of Hashing wif his fellow Hashers.  “Hashit…Hashit!!! For Facedown!!!... Well..I decided to just hang dare, you know…just lay dare…till most folks show up…Low and behold…second week in a row…It’s Red-Light Special (cumming problemo)….ready to roll…”Bah-Knee? He asks”….”Is dis Point “A”?.. No! I’m just loitering here, Red Light”..”Waiting for Girl Scouts to come by and sell me some cookies, and “Cheetos”….”Well, I suppose it is..I says.”  Anyway…so there we stand…Red Light, and Mua “Bah-Knee” staring out…pondering and contemplating where the Hare’(s) most probable trail is layed.  Soooo….Red Light…whaddaya tink?…”Ya-tink...we’re going to UTEP (campus) to do Cardiac Hill, in and around the Sun Bowl…Hmmmm? …”Yep” Red Light says. “We did !!!”.  Ya-tink we’ll comeback down across Mesa to the Kern area…where there are countless Hills?  “Yep” Red Light says. “And we did !!!”  “Ya-tink”..we’ll go up & down the Rim Road area…and down a “humongusseseses” canyon…where if we fall..we might end up following trail with “ToothFaire, and Underlubber”? “Yep!!” Red Light says..”And Again, We Did !!”  Now silently….likah da wind…Red Light, and Mua (Bah-Knee) hear footsteps coming up behind us….as a scrag-gal-lee voice says…”Yep”!! Ewes guys…are going to end up following all those trails…It was freaking-fracking Hoser…dat snuck up behind us…Oh Yeah…Hoser?  How do you know?? Cause da Hose Monster is AutoHashin today…and is driving the “B” truck to the “B”…and I’m not going to do the trail….and soooo “He did, and We did !!” Bah-Knee exclaims; “Aahh you big Pussy!”…and than suddenly ”Zap! Splat!..Pow! Wow-ee-Guzowee!” Holy Bear Fur, Bad-Mann! Hoser, Ewe Dink…why did you hit me?? Bah-knee asks with a slight tear in his eye…Ewe big Dink!  Cause U-was dare Bah-Knee…Cause U-was dare…and da Hoser needs abuse practice!! Besides…Da Hoser…is still coughing up Lungs…trying to nip dis Plague diseaseseses thang….Oh Yea!! Well if you cough up another Lung…I’m going to stomp on it dis time; Ewe Dink Hoser!!!….says da GropeMeister!!!!   And so finally….A Plethora, A Cornucopia, A Profusion!!!…Of either…named Hashers, or Voi-Gen Poy-Suns started cumming. Voi-Gens muttering “We hoid about this,...soooo we decided to cum”….and or a reasonable fac-si-mile….all were starting to arrive, wif dry mouths, anxious to pop…a frosty beverage…..again muttering the same redundant phrase/or question….”Is this Point “A”?”…Aarrrgghh!...Well, no ssshheeet…why else would everyone be hee-aahh?”… Finally…a scream is hoid…Hare(s) out…Chaulk talk!! And the count begins..on our quest to find trail…And so “We Did!!”  UTEP, Kern, Rim Road, Canyons – Death Defying Canyons… Ravines, A Coool On-In…(Cincinnati Street Pub – wif 2yards

 O’Dark Bee-aahh, no Cheetos).  An soooo Bah-Knee risking all, almost having been da “DFL” himself, decided to be chee-val-rous, and played “noyse-maid” to two, 2, dos, twi…1+1=2, seasoned Hashers….Bi-Da-Numbers (dat wasn’t to bad), and da enviable, da one only, hailing from da “Guys-Know-Cows-Logist Clinic in the Greater Northeast” headed by his “fellow facecian/ous” Doktor Vinnie Boom-Bah,…Doktor Wang-Dang-Doo!...whom Bar-Knee was thankful for…cause he ended up da “DFL”, “DFL”, “DFL” “Yes he did”…Yea!! For Her Doktor Wang….Okay….well enuff of dis ranting, let’s capsize…da hoe…darn scenario….RA (Religious Advisor for short)…take it away….FRB…shooot…I don’t know…guess it was Hoser simultaneously AutoHashin…dats…why da dink was FRB and foist….suddenly again “he did it”… ”Zap! Splat!..Pow! Wow-ee-Guzowee!” Holy Bear Fur, Bad-Mann! Hoser, Ewe Dink…why did you hit me (again)?? Bah-knee asks with a another slight tear in his eye…Ewe big Dink!  Cause U-was dare Bah-Knee…Cause U-was dare…and da Hoser needs abuse practice!!  The weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hashit Award” went to old-cummer now…”Wake me wen eeet’s over”…Why? Cause “He did it”…Cums da Fart-Test…(from Nebraka in Canada) ”No Dick 4-U”….Udder Cumming Problemos…”Da Power of Cock Compels You, having formerly resigned from the BJH3.  Still Cumming Problemo…”C-Alice”…Eventful Event…”Bi-Da-Numbers” having received a 200 Hash Patch…Another Awardee…having received an Official EPH3 whistle, “Just Greg”  Good Show Mate, Jolly Good Show!!!...and finally…a half-mind nomination was recommended to rename “High End’s Pooch…nah, nah!! Not that Pooch….I mean “Paquito’s Pot-Nah”, a half-fast, half-mind renaming to “Sir Licks-ah-lot”…Which is all you need to Hash…with the EPH3…in the greater El Paso area….

On-On….Groping Bah-Knee signing out…

 

Next Hash...

2-24-2008 Sunday 3pm...Upper Valley & Country Club Road

                  @ Circle K Pah-Keen Lot...Hare Porta John...

 

 

 

EPH3  20th Anniversary of Da Founding of the El Paso H3

 

Ooohh Sssshit!! I says to myself!….Did I git-nuff  “Bee-aahh, & Cheetos”!…”Eye don’t tink Sooooo” …OMG…Everybody’s here…you’d tink we was handing out government cheese,

and powdered milk…although the powdered milk would cum in handy to lay trail (splooge)…I’ve never seen so many “Dombligos” in one spot..B-4…pertaining to an outing wif da EPH3, i.e.…Hmmm?..Why? Need we be sur prised?…Of course not! We are the hottest Party in town on a Sunday afternoon; especially wif GrandMaster Peter’s Out laying trail…(doe he is notorious for laying marathons; Yikes )  Hey Bah-Knee? Hooose gots the sign-up sheets?…”Hoser” yells at me…Here they are, Hoser!...Did ewe Git-nuff Bee-ahh?…Hoser asks…Don’t know yet!  “Hey Bah-Knee, Bah-Knee, Baaahhh-Kneee”?  “Hey-Bah-Knee”  WHAT!!! WHAT!!! What Hoser?  This is a nice Point “A” huh? (Westwind at Belvidere)…many a good EPH3 Hash…has begun from here, huh?  Yes, Hoser.  Hey Bah-Knee, Bah-knee, Bah-Knee???  WHAT!!! WHAT!! Hoser…Did you see Red Light Special (problemo cummer) walking up?  Yes I did…looks like he was scouting for trail.  Hey Bah-Knee? Did you also see…Twatt Rott…showed up?..Yes…aaannd, did you also see..”ROTC” is also here…(aah-mee guy just comeback from Iraq)….whoa!!...Glad he’s back…… Bah-Knee, Bah-knee, Baaahh-Knneee?? WHAT!!! Ohh? Hi Porta…how-ewes doeeen?  Bah-Knee? Yes Porta…Did ewe git-nuff Bee-aaahh, & cheetos??  Don’t know yet Porta!...Bah-Knee? Bah-Knee? Baaahh-Knneee?.. WHAT!!! Hey Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo! How-ewes-doeen...?  Bah-Knee…did ewes git-nuff Bee-aaah, & cheetos??  Bah-Knee? Bah-Knee?....What! What!! Oh Hi Clit! (Clitigation)….Bah-knee did ewes git some Cookies dis time?...Aarrghh!!…Wha-da-Phuck!!…Coookies?…Yes…Clit!..Yes I did…and Cheetos-tooo…Ooohh Sssshit!! Here’s more Hashers cumming…Why? Why? Didn’t I git more Bee-aah & Cheetos…Oh well…We’ll just do-eeet da Old El Paso way…”Fudgem and feed dem Frijoles!”…..Soooo Bi-da-Numbers yells at the GropeMeister…Bah-nee?...Where is the Sign up sheet?...and the Cheetos??…Ssshit..Ssshooot!! Talk to Wang – Bi… Hey Bah-Knee?…Bah-Knee?... “What!!”   “Ewe Phucker from Dallas – Got a Beer?...Whoa? A Beer?  ..Who da Phuck R-U…and ewe want a Beer?, Huh?...Why R-U calling me phucker…I’m Bah-Knee…Nah! Nah! I’m not calling ewe Phucker…..Me!...Me! Da name is “Ewe Phucker” from the Dallas H3…and I figured you had a Bee-aahh”!  Aarrgghh!!…Well than Welcome…please go talk to the Bear over dare…His name’s Hoser…he’ll give ewes a Bee-Aahh and Cheetos.   And so finally a Scream is hoid…as I see a cloud of powdery splooge slowly descending back to the ground, and I see an often familiar backside…Peter’s Out drifting away..in a jaunt….”Hare’s Out!!!”….Next scream, right next to my Ear….Chaulk Talk!!! Porta calls out…more so for the Voi-Gens…than us old salty Hashers….Hash Hush!! And On, and On…. Well…than Dis, and Dat, and Dis, and Dat….On-On….and a Horde of Hashers take off…putting fear and curiosity into the Hearts of the local populace  circumferencing “Point A”….and littering the area wif an abundance of Cheetos….So we found trail…here, and dare, and dare and here….Drainage Ditches, Hills, Plains, Desserts…Purple Mountains Majesties…Da Great Continental Divide was splattered wif splits, checkings, on-backs..and BJs’, splooge…and the local EPA was considering calling the CDC, whom both were wondering what those strange tubular orange thangs were on the ground along the trail???? (of course they were cheetos)….Out for almost an hour plus…lost a few times, and also having lost a few Zen Master Hashers…faintly I Hee-Aahh Near Bear from afar…Oh Yes…”B” were at “B”…and the whole freaking greater Hasher community…is either already at “B” or right behind me …..Ssshit!!, Ssshit!! Sssshhiitt, I should’ve gotten more Bee-Aahh and Cheetos…So the 20th Anniversary Celebration of the Founding of the EPH3…so far has gone off without a Hitch….let’s see…Who was Dare???? Well luckily the “B” truck…was dare also…and I pulled out…but eventually I went back in! DOH!!!!...I pulled the the Sign-up Sheet…..and here’s our list;  Kudos to Fosterless Porta as the FRB….  DFL – Red Light Special..finally showed up just before Swing Low, The weekly “Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award” is first running candidate for permanently having eeet, was Face Down and Spread ‘Em, K9ers’ Wuf-Wufs (translated; Bah-Knee got any Cheetos) Doggies – Paquito’s Pumping Pahdnah, Limp Limb’s Little Weenie, overtly fast Voi-gins….The fast unnamed – Just Tracey, Just Jackie, Just Dave Voigins – Just Greg, Just Claudia,  Cumming Problemos – Red Light Special, Twat Rott, ROTC.  In full recruitment strategy, BJ visitors – Butt Darts (founder of the BJH3), and his lovely wife, Boobalicious, also…My Teacher Made Me Cum!, Da Power of Cock Compels You (second week in a row) Far Out visiting hasher – Ewe Fucker (DFW) We also offered appropriate tributes to Little John (da original founder of the EPH3), Tooth Faerie and Underlubber. And finally,  Autohashers (Beer Bee-Asch) Slutty, Butt Darts, Face Down (only to da beer check) and Finally….Corky the Retard and The Price is Right.  Soooo Bah-Kneee? Bah-Kneee? Baahh-Kneeee? What!! What!!....What Hoser??? Whadaya-want?...wheres dat udder bag of Cheetos…you said you had hidden away….??....Sssshhhiit…dat Half-Mind Clitigation ate dem…cause…she was pissed dat I forgot the “Cookies”…and some more Bee-Aaahh…which is 1/3 of all you need to Hash wif the EPH3….A Half-Mind, Cheetos, and Bee-Aahh….On-On….Bah-Knee signing off…

 

Next Hash...??

2-17-2008 Sunday 3pm.. Hare: Facedown

                  AutoZone Pah-Keen Lot off Mesa in front of

                 UTEP

 

 

 

EPH3 Sunday da Toid (3rd) of February “Super Bowl Hash”

Aaaarrrgghhhh!!! Some Virgin Lay dat was, huh, Hoser?  “Bah-Knee”  …says da Hose Monster, …next time we’ll just book the Red-Eye on SouthWest to the Willows…and bi-pass dust storms & Ssshhh-eeet…and get to da “B”…minus 56 freaking miles of desert shiggy, shopping malls,  having blown away splooge, be hassle free, and of course, instead of eeet being Auto-Hashin…We’ll just call eeet “Fly-Hashin” &  Sssshhh-eeet.  Howse Dat?? Yea!! Da Gropemeister says; “I’m definitely for Dat”.  Whew!!!…Folks dare we was at Point  “A”  @ da Historic and almost kin to the EPH3…dear to our Hearts, and thoisty for Frosty Beverages, Rosa’s Cantina…On-On for ”Underlubber”, and Da “ToothFaire” whom often appreciated dis favorite On-In spot, aside from udder wet spots.  EPH3 misses dem and wished they'd been there to help us find trail.   Yep!!  Well da place started filling up mosh-kosh rickee-tic…wif all these Hashers we hadn’t seen for awhile…Mann “O” Mann…we had problemo cummers (from a long time ago “Stroke Me”), Voi-gens (Just Tracey, and two udder fast young ssssheets), disgruntled visitors from the BJ-H3 (Da Power of Cock compels you, Stinky Pinky, and ?? ex-communicated member 69 Virgins)…visitors from “Floree-dah” (Eat ah Pus) was the Floreedah poy-sun, and so on and so forth….We also were anticipating forming a naming & renaming “Cum-tee-tees” for "Just Pee-Tah" shagging pot-ner to the Hare "High End Erection", whom ended up being named  “Wake Me When Eeets Over”,  and a renaming for now “Corky da Retard” vice “Whacks Off, Whacks On”, and also Just Poncho…K-9 live-in and fateful companion to the Hare…was also named as (3Ps = Pony’s Paquito’s Pot-Nah or sumteen)…Anyway we was all just outright having  a good time…mixed wif Bee-ahh, and Cheetos…Hey Hoser?...”So ewes and eye...gots to watch ourselves from eating to many Cheetos, huh?” says the Bah-Knee...”Cause wees gots to watch our svelt figures” "Yeah...Bah-Knee..You're right" says Hoser..."But Big Bears noi-mally don't give a Sssshhheet about svelt figures".. Anyway...High End Erection's overzealous Hash Lay, would it be fair to say, was her wanting to prove her now and full EPH3  Harriette status by laying a Butt Licker, “yikes!”, “I said” Butt Kicker, Butt Kicker, ...although, most of the remarks from all who attended, and at the "B" thereafter...were positive..It was a great trail, except for dose who got lost...(Zenning? Hmmm) Chaulk Talk, Hares’ out, and finally we was out...On-On...to the tip of Sunland Park, across 39 freeways, including I-10, noting "BVCs", Blown away Splooge, Desert, Sunland Park Mall...Dillard’s Department Store dodging Cops wif Radios, Navigating around speeding cars,  Dead / Carcasses of Pussys (Cats) on trail, Stores across from the Mall, more Desert...Fancy Apartments...back down again to Doniphan...Hey Hoser? I thought I saw a Lung..on trail...was dat yours? Did you cough it up?...”Yeah, Bah-Knee”…”I still have a touch of the Plague left-over from Tex-Mex, so be careful you don’t get to close to me”…or run over my lung…”5 second rule” Hoser…you can still pick it up…Well finally…Da Hose monster, and Da GropeMeister Bah-Knee gots tired of trying to catch up to speedstah…Just Tracey…Hey Hoser…we gotta catch up to Just Tracey one of dis days and kick her in the knee to slow her down…Whaddaya tink…Heck! Bah-Knee…I’ll just sit on her…at the next checking, Okay Hoser…says da Bah-Knee…Hey…Hoser…we’re back over here at Doniphan..where we almost started…and it doesn’t look like there is a Near Beer, anywhere close…..Look Bah-knee says Hoser, …Always do what I say, and not what I do…There is “Just Pee-Tah aka Wake Me when it’s Over”…follow him…cause we both know he’s going to end up at the “B” and he knows where the trail is going…I’m going back to pick up my lung, and back to the Truck…at Point “A”…and I’ll meet you at the “B”…But, But??? Hoser? Don’t leave me!…Shut up Bah-Knee…Just do what I say….or I’ll hit you in the nose….Okay Hoser! You still want me to call you on the Cell (technology on trail) and let you know where the “B” is when I get dare….Yeah, Bah-Knee!  Okay Hoser!! Alright Hoser  C-U….Hey look who’s going by looking for trail ...It’s dat new Voi-gen “Just Haley”…OMG…Hmmm? I’m following her…Boy-O-Boy…What a sight to “C”….Check out dat stride…Yummy!...So finally, after still tracking thru Pots of the Upper, Lower, Mid-Valley….Da Country Club areas…and of course following “Just Poncho, and Wake me when it’s Over”…Yes….Yes….I hear Pony Pumper screaming…and scaring the shit out of Paquito aka Pony’s Tail…Near Beer!!....Yea!!! Than everybody started coming in….. FRBeeen all the way…Facedown da Clown…and his trusty shagg pot-ner H2-Ho…DFL…Works da Meat, sharing wif…Ditch-da-Bitch, lollygaggin all da way….Clitigation didn’t place et-all…but still led a good trail…Corky da Retard, Price is Right…Yea!!! Dr Wang-Dang-Dooo…Yea!! He was a Co-Hare…dat Dogg…must have been the Hare who laid da splooge dat flew away….Wait a Minute…Wait a Minute…Hoser…is someone missing?....Yes….Looks like Porta John, our illustrious Religious Advisor didn’t get permission to come out and play with da EPH3…..But nonetheless, da call was hoid…..Soy-kul Up!!!....Beer Bee-ahsssh…pour us a Beer…”Corky”!....Hashers whadya tink of the Trail???? Eeeet Sucked …. and the festivities were well under way…starting with the recipient of the “Weekly Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Ssssheeet Award” which went to “Wake me When it’s Over” for just plainly having a Half-mind and really is all he needs to Hash wif da EPH3….Hmmmm? Hey…before we sing Swing-Low…anybody know who won the Super Bowl??? Oh well…there is another one next year…. Groping Bah-Knee Signing Out…On-On!!

Next Week's Hash...

 

02-0-2008  Sunday 3Pm  Special event!! EPHHH's 20th anniversary hash, starting from the exact place the first El Paso Hash started.  (On Bandolero somewhere.  I need to dig up an old hareline I have saved and find the exact cross street, but I know I have it.)  Meet at Belvedere & Westwind.

 

2) Then, on the 17th - A desert hash near the Santa Teresa airport.

 

3) Lastly, any interest in a Saturday night special?  Maybe Sat. March 1? Otherwise it would have to be Feb. 16th.   A little pub crawl/party kind of thing?  Location TBA.  It's for a special occasion I need to keep secret for now. 

 

 

 

 

EPH3 Sunday January 27th, "Dog Pound Hash"

 

Now you've all hoid of the term “Dog Pound”...and I don't mean the Hot Dog place with the Chili-Cheese Fries, and the complimentary Angio-Plastic Device...they give you to un-clog your arteries right after a meal....I'm referring to Sunday's Hash, which gave a hoe new meaning to the Phrase, again "Dog Pound"......I've never seen so many Dogs...in one place,...except for around my old childhood neighborhood... when this old mutt bitch, my neighbor owned, use to cum into heat noi-mally around the summer ...Then we'd have dogs come in from as far as the West Side, Clint, Fabens, Canutillo...Hmmm? Sounds like our Hash now,  Huh??? .... Yikes!!...OMG...EPH3 better be careful or it's going to known as the "H3 for Wayward Dogs" Hash... Just bring a Collar...will be our motto...for either your K-9..or one of our Bee-U-Tee-Full Harriettes...Doh!!!   Point "A" a familiar spot...not far and perhaps a shouting distance...from what da Porta..calls da Crossroads...No scheduled Hare was on-hand...So the Porta being the Big-Guy and Sports fan that he is, volunteered himself, and problemo cummer...Limp Limb...and pulled a pick-up,...and layed one on us...It was good too!  We was all over the place…We was here, We was dare….We was everywhere!!..Now, da foist pooch…that started on everyone…was Hula, aka, “Limp-Limbs litte Wiener”..go figure huh?..well she started bah-keen away..soon as Hares were out…So I says to the Dashhund..Hey..Lighten up wif the incessant Bah-Keen..or we might just decide to soive you up…wif some chili-cheese fries…Bar-Ba-Coa..(Bar-be-cue dog)…we’ll just call her Wa-Wow-Coa!! Woof! How’s dat??… Now  Let’s “C” on hand was “Slutty White Trash” who is notoriously known the woild over as, ...AutoHashin aficionado, and permanent “Beer Bee-ahh-sshh”. She also had sum-ah over-pampered pooch wif her too!...and I don’t mean the package checked poochee…Hers ”Looked like a Boxer”..The dog…i.e….da dog I say…Continuing On: Udder Bow-Wow Parents…are recent new cummers…well maybe…not necessarily new to cumming, could probably teach us (EPH3) a few new Kuma-Sutra positions…No, No…Nu-cummers to the Hash…Newly Named...after a consensus from the naming cum-tee-tee…Just Melissa is now and forever shall be known as “High-End-Erections, or Erector”, and her cumming Pot-Nah…Just Pee-Tah (a zen-master in training aka lost bigger than shit)…probably will be named, next week…along with their mutt (Bow-wow)…Just Poncho.. Shssssh! Nobody say nut-teen…but I think Just Poncho…the Mutt…is got a little sum-teen going on wif Pony-Pumpers “Pony Tail” also known as “Paquito”…Mostly just alotta dry humping going on. You could faintly hear Paquito bar-keen saying; Let me show ewes…what “Alpha” Dog really means….toin-around…But really it was no problem, cause “Paquito”s been Nipped…Neutered, da tenticles do not descend…as TR (Twatt-Rott) at one time might have described it…Ohh!! Just Paquito gave us some scare…too…seems he decided to relief himself in the “B” and Beer truck…Whew!!! Mann…what a “Biological Hazard”.  It smelled like “Ain’t Jack Shit” was back in town, and Hashing wif us again.  Yeah…Paquito was proud though…both for that big prize…he left in the truck, and also, seeing his blaster master Pony Pumper the dis-honorable recipient of the FRB, and weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Awards”…Yea!!! Woo-Hooo Pony, and Paquito….       Religious Advisor screams….Limp Limb in the Soy-Kul…we proudly also award ewe…A patch…Rectal where are Ewes…Not that kind of Patch. He’s already had dat one…A “300 Hash” Patch…Yea!!! Limp-Limb…Perfesser Limp Limb to ewes all…Ooooh…Ooooh, Before I fergit…DFL, DFL!!...Was eet Rectal, or LollyGaggin Works-da-Meat…it was a photo finish folks…both went to the soy-kul anyway.  Oh…Yeah, yeah, Yea…We had a Voi-Gen…Sum speedster

Named Just “Tracey”…Mann She could fly…So the GropeMeister caught up to her at a checking and kicked in the chin…just to slow her down…”Just Tracey quit running so fast”…You’re making Porta look bad…..Hopefully she’ll be back next week….Hmmm? I don’t know…Paquito was looking at her too…with dat kinda “dry humping look” he gets……And so dare you have eeet…folks…only one missing this week was da Hose Handler Monster…who is said to be recovering from a Paquito Dry Humping Attack…and almost gaining his full mind…whew, not quite though…He Half-mind is still in-tac…which is all you need to Hash..with the EPH3 “Dog Pound and Home for Wayward Dogs”…

On-On…

Groping Bar-Knee                                                                                                                                                                          

 

 

Next week – Mardi Gras theme, Super Bowl finish, virgin lay for High End.  1pm Sunday

 

 

Point A – Rosa’s Cantina, 3454 Doniphan Dr., tel 833 0402.

 

 

Git this damn thing out timely, busybody.

 

 

 

 

EPH3 Sunday Jan 6, 2008

 

 

The Woyald's Greatest Magic show…Tan-tan-TAN!....Now you see them, Now you don't…Was the theme for the afternoon…involving EPH3s' running activities.. Yikes - Ooooops!...did da Bah-knee say running…ex-cu-se-mua~!....I meant Hashing…Hashing...Also it has been suggested that a petition to order a Re-Naming committee be considered on behalf of Whacks-Off-Vinnie….Seems Da Vinnie, managed to break out of his shell and inspired a reconsideration to rename him “Corey Powers” This to be esplaned later…Now the Hares, “Works-da-Meat, and da Vivacious, now you see her, now you don’t “Clitigation” laid a good dead trail…Hmmm? Is it possible to have those two..together…in the same sentence…No, No…Not WDM, and Clitigation…I mean “Dead, Lay”…Well perhaps fodder for another discussion some udder time, right “TR”.  It had been awhile since the EPH3….had been out on that side of our beautiful city, NorthEast, EP, …also not risking running into BJH3 old marks…Point “A”…couldn’t have been a better place to have begun…Lowes Pah-Keen Lot…Chaulk was without mention…although perhaps, Hoser, should’ve been more attentive…considering he was the foist one….to have pulled a “Clitigation” move…Now you seem dem, Now you don’t”…The Great Carmac, Hoser, and Clitigation”…are expert shape-shifters…cause EPH3 never saw them again…after the foist check…I figured Hoser..probably had the skinny on where “B” was gonna “B”…to no avail…that wasn’t the case….So dares we were – going dis way and dat away…through Kenworthy, Salem, Dyer, Rushing, Fairbanks, TransMountain!!  US 54 short of Alamagordo…yikes…and thanTransMountain again…Finally….Da GropeMeister kept close…to the Porta…cause Bah-Knee didn’t want to pull a Hoser…the Great Carmac…and his disappearing act…or Clitigation for that matter, although she was suppose to be the Hostess, with the Mostess…at the Soy-kul….which brings to mind…a loud deafening scream from the Religious Advisor, non-Udder than our Hero, and MC Porta John….Soy-kul up….Hares…tells us who the recipient of the “Weekly Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award is going to be…..Hmmmm? Than that’s when while having trouble deciding who it was going to be, along came Mr. Dead Whore Crooner himself…and the likely prospect, and may I say recipient….whew!!! Bah-Knee was being look at also…however Facedown and Spreadum…who although not at Point “A”, managed to show up as second runner up for DFL at “B”, accompanied by his trusty sidekick….H2-Hoe…Yeah!! They save the day for at least for Bah-Knee ….and than, and than…guess who shows up, smiling ear to ear…having been lost bigger than my Dalmations Shit!!!! In the backyard….non-Udder than Hoser…for DFL, DFL….My understanding this is Hoser second only in his hole career, as a DFL…I guess the Intel sucked that day, huh Hoser?…No scoop on where “B” was….Heh, Heh, Heh…..Soooooo…The Price is right…and Whacks off Weenie…now have no cumming problems any more…tanks to Dr. Wangs..thera-puke-tick counseling, at the Vinnie Boom Bah’s Guys-Know-Cows-Logist clinic…centrally located in the greater Northeast… Yea!! Dr. Wang-Dang-Dooo.  Ah Yes, here’s a story…Voi-Gen…Just Haley…oooooh...Just Haleys is woiking them tights tooo, managed to get a few EPH3 practice sessions on the art of package checking…with the little dicks jus’ peakin outta the bodice…Hmmmm? How’d she get the little dicks…DFL? Un-named…well, on the little dicks…Gotta stop hangin out at udder places…cause all you’ll get is little dicks…Stay at EPH3…Where the real dicks are…wait, wait!! Dat didn’t sound right….Nevermind, Seems dat Beer Bitchin, Ditch-Da-Bitch managed to squeeze off a few…whoa!! Squeezing to tight…it’s all in the wrist  D-Dah-Bitch…Just squeeze softly….yea….!!...and there you have it folks, Half minds at eeet, again….Which is all you need to Hash with EPH3 

On-On Groping Bah-Knee..

 

Next Hash

1/13/2008 Sunday 3 p.m. EPH3 hash #1353

 

 

 

EPH3 Sunday December Twenty-Toid (23rd)…Christmas Hash

 

On Donner, On Dixon…C-Mon Hoser…Facedown, H2Hoe-Ho-Ho!!….On Bah-Knee…On Rudolph, and On-On…Dr Wang…Prancer…and Limp Limb…”On the Trail we go, looking for a check – Oh what fun, it eeees to find, A shitty trail Sunday”…Oh! Jingle Trails, Bad Marked Trails….Jingling all the way…Oh what fun, it was to find, a shitty trail Sunday”…It was definitely a Merry X-Mas for EPH3…Da Hare Hose-Monster-Handler took us up the hill, than down the hill almost back where we started, at Point A, which was at Ditch-Da-Bitch’s Dance Salon, Hair/Body Care & Discount Tire Center…All arriving Hashers...had gifts to bare. Some bared more than we wanted to know...And others just bared....Bah-Humbug!!....Ah...the West Side...Hills, and thrills, where a mile feels like three..after the first hill....But all were Merry.....looking forward to a X-Mas...cheer, meal, and beer..Post Hash and Soykul festivities....Ah Yes...Soykul up, cried out a half frozen RA..as the Sun kept dwindling, and a jingling...and the barometer kept falling...FRB cries out the RA...Well no Shit...there Porta...Hello!!...who else would the prospect be to receive the joyous gift of FRB...if not mua, U- Porta... Well it seems like a sheared Clitigation sporting a nu-doo..has been sand bagging...and came in a respectable almost DFL trying to out-doo, not nu-hairdoo...Facedown...who this week was minus a tire...Probably left  it behind at Ditch's Tire Center....Anyway...can't rightly remember if Facedown was the DFL...but I do member who was in receipt of the weekly "Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award" a habitual visitor..who we might just consider calling one of our own....Price is Right..was the dis-honorable recipient..having been rightfully accused and without merit for failing to edumacate...her sponsored Voigens...Starting with Just Vinnie, than Haley "ooooh" Haley...and the Voigen with her...What was his name??? Anybody, anybody remember...Was it Reddy-Eddy...Don't know...Just remember that he is a noise in training at Beaumont...What I do remember is that Just Haley...threw her dirty skivies on trail at the GropeMeister for some unwarranted .reason..The Bah-Knee..didn't mind...except that them skivies didn't fit around his head...Head! Who said Head!.....they were tight fitting around his nose...and had somewhat of an old mistle-"toe" schmell!! Ooooh-Noooo!  Well finally...and a quick Swunged-Low...da soykul came to an abrupt end..probably..which is not necessarilly uncharacteristic of most Hashers at EPH3...Than we're off to Ditch's Home of Abode...for a Pot-Luck, Smorgasborg..gooodness, and gift exchange ceremonies... Yea...still I think the Big Dude in the Velvet Red Suit, Blushed Cheeks (on da face)... really knew what everyone's X-mas wish was....The Bah-Knee gots exactly what he wanted for Christmas...to Hash every week-end he can with his friends, fellow Hashers, & Harriettes...to find trail all over the city.. But above all the Big Dude in Red...guessed Mr. Hoser's secret wish when he eventually inherited the Polyutherene Princess.."Ms. Blow-up Betty"...And so the Big Dude was heard as he left....On-On EPH3...happy trails, and see you next year...you half-mind twits...which is all you need to Hash with the EPH3

On-On Bah-Knee

Next Run
12-30-2007  Sunday 3PM Hare: Limp-Limb (?Rectal?).  Point "A" is at
                      Albertsons parkeen lot at
Redd Road...near I-10..
 

 

 

 

EPH3 On-On Sunday Dec 16, 2007

 

Release Da Dogs of War! Came the Cry, and would've probably been a good theme for Sunday's Hash….All there agree that Mr. Equinos Pumpus', aka, Pony Pumper's favorite Pooch…Pony Tail, aka, Paquito, was keeping in step…with da Pumpers acts of activity…No leg was safe on Sunday, and the only one "getting a Shot of Leg, was Paquito (Drats) Dat notorious fur shredding dry humping canine scoundrel….No, No…Not Hoser or Bah-Knee….Paquito, Paquito (Pony's Tail).  EPH3 could have easily fallen into a name change nomination, Whew!!!! With close, and a likely prospect for EPH3's to have been re-named to "Da Humpin Hash", Yikes!!! Led by non-other than "Paquito"…."Leash, Leash…Please! Somebody get a Leash"…Wait a minute, Hold da Phone…Hold Da Phone!!...I hoid somewhere dat Paquito's Din-Ga-Lin-Gees were and had already been Nipped…."I know, lets ask, "Nut-Nipper"….Oh!..Guess not…Seeing as though "Nut-Nipper" is a Problemo Cummer…Nut Nipper, I hoid the Cowboys also got their Nut's Nipped this past weekend by the Eagles….Well with everything said…seems dat Just Poncho (Voigens Peter, & Melissa’s udder Pooch) got the best of it…Hmmm? If you can call it dat…Anybody? Anybody?...Getting a dry hump from Paquito, would dat be considered “getting the best of it”…Hmmmm, I don’t know about dat…And Sooooo the Religious Advisor led us on a hearty rendition of a EPH3 favorite dedicated to Paquito…..Take it away Porta da RA…."Scrotum, Scrotum" S-C-R-O-T-U-M "Scrotum, Scrotum" Hmmmm-hmmmmm!....I guess Pancho, "Da-Udder-Poooch"…kind was dragging his tail after the Hash…and on the way home…
Anyway…dare we was, at Point "A"  Da Tinseltown Pah-keen lot, and in Scenic Eastside…with a dragged out start at about 3:45….Its suppose to be 3:00 pm “Hares Out” EPH3... !!!  Hello Mac-Fly..Hel-Low!!!...Well finally, Hare out……we let him have the customary “cheating” 3 minute wait, with 2 minutes walking…I emphasize “cheating here”….Hoser!! Started it. Yes he did…and Works-Da-Meat, egged him on…Yep she did…she kept grabbing his - - well…Hmmm? His “Blankios”, and kept screaming “come-on”, “come-on”!!!...Yep!!  We went here, and we went dare..all over what is considered the Tinseltown general area…Now….dare was hills all over...Dares not suppose to be hills on the Eastside…what’s going on here…anyway….”twas-was-a good trail”…A fierce battle ensued between, Voigen Just Peter – un-udder – “Doc”, and the incumbent Porta for FRB…Considering Just Peter is a unnamed illegitimate Hasher, the dishonor went to Porta as FRB….DFL guess who?....Mr. Zen-Master…”I’m going to get lost”…12 step AA-advocate, Face Down & Spreadum…cumming in, rolling a tire, screaming, “Hey lets light dis ting up”…and watch it boin!...Seems dat we’re perhaps losing un-udder EPH3’er to far off lands…Facedown got the patriotic call, and now will dawn to be a ANG, no….not FNG, ANG…”Army National Guardier”… Visiting Hashers in the soicle….”No-Dick-4-U”, and his lovely ???? with child, pushing 286 on da scale, Mickey Ds connosieur…”Goes down EZ” yeah!! Hailing from home in
Vermont?? Hmmm, or is it Fargo, SD…Nah, Nah!! Its Nebraska..a fair & bee-u-tee-ful state in Canada…Which is definitely “Brrrr” dis time of the year….Also visiting…twas-was, “Da Price is Right”, chasin some FNG (we suspect she is)…nah not ANG, dis-one is for reels….FNG (F---cking New Guy – regular ah-mee) voigen, Just Vinnie…May I say…dat-eeees, Da GropeMeister, and Vinnie “Foh-Git About Eeeet”, shared a few stories…and Just Vinnie can tell a few…His Spanish need a little woik…Who’s doesn’t… and a turdly, oooops, I mean thirdly, un-udder voigen on hand was speedster, yet lost, “Just Bernie” young guy at dat…Works-da-Meat, and Price is Right  pulled a Paquito, and were salivating…Pavlov would’ve been proud.  Did I mention dat….our visiting Hasher…Price is Right…oined herself a 200 Hash Patch…Whoa…Dat’s more dan sum of our regular EPH3er’s… and Finally…the rightful recipient of the Weekly Fickle Finger of Fate, & Hash Shit Award went to non-udder dan “No-Dick-4-U”…Cause Hoser managed to convince everyone…and put the blame for anything on da dick…Yea!! Dick….and so folks as the Holidays approach…I hope of ewes have a half-mind Christmas, & New Year, May God Bless you all one, tiny tim tooo….Cause dats all you need to Hash with the EPH3….
On-On Groping Bah-Knee, Peace out Peeps  

 

NExt Hash...

12-23-2007...3Pm The Body Shop "Ditch-Da-Bitch's Dance Studio...Westwind &

 Redd...Hare is Hoser..PotLuck Afterwoids...Bring Sum-Teen to Eeet !! 

 

 

 

EPH3...Sunday 12/02/2007

 

Heinous, Heinous accusation that was imparted on the GropeMeister....EPH3 hear me!...Cum to my defense!...The Bah-Knee was accused of having Pre-Layed Sunday's Hash trail.....A  trail that was scenic, well-planned...just the right distance & time...with an Outstanding, and a Virtuous Scenic view of the greater lower valley...carefully staged at the Bier-Check...How cruel a game...EPH3 has played on the Bah-Knee...But, I say "Release the Dogs of War!"...I will fight, tooth & nail...to defend my Dis-Honored bad name...Yes...EPH3...Next time da GropeMeister teams up with the "Works-da-Meat", you will all pay... vicously...for dat slight, & slander to defenseless Hare(s)....I want to (or a)  "Sue", huh?....Who doesn't 36-24-36...yep...Yikes...I mean a want to bring suit... and I need a litigitous defender of the faith to cum to my aid... Where are you, Oh.Clitigation!!...Cum, I will help ewe...to cum (pause) to my aid...I'll bring a few aids too!...Bada-Bing, Bada-Boom... Anyway...Eh!...Cum on guys...Sundays Hash trail wasn't to bad.. I did doe, pull that one out of my old trails bag...except dat my mis-fortune was sum of ewes remembered the trail...Oooops, anyway...Having started out at,  a now defunct "Bull Dogs & Englishman" Pub,  Point "A" wasn't out in the boonies as most thought, and very accessible...the highlight of it all...is we had to stall da start till Hose-Monster made it in...with a flat tire...Boy, now dats dedication...flat tire et all, and he still makes da chaulk talk.. Porta was a real sport...although I think he scouted most of it before-hand...and than FRBeed the whole way...Carefully eyeing back, and making sure...Da Bee-U-Tee-Full "Bi-da-Numbers" didn't go astray towards "Vista Del Sol" again!!....  A close behind,  Now....I tink... that da Weekly Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award, was maligningly (did I spell dat right?) bestowed on the Twatt-Rott...a recent regular now... hmmm...guess lots of fiber now.. Well, TR, has now made it to at least two Hashes, go figure, and of course EPH3 will not forgive her cumming problemo violations...sooooo, how else, but to punish a denouncer if not by awarding of the Hashit...You got it dear...in the Soykul for TR...no problem for TR...she sucked dem suds up...without a blink... TR swallows well EPH3...a real sport, didn't even spit a drop out! Yeah!!!...Actually, it should've and would've been a two-some, considering Mr. Nut-Nipper is on a moratorium from his Cowboys adoration and efforts to turn the whole Cowboys thang into a cult worship religion thang...I suppose that in this town...it wouldn't be hard...except dat most "cowboys cult" worshippers are fickle and easily turn, when they lose a game...or one of the players again becomes a convicted felon....We'll just call the Cowboys Cult guys "CC's"...Yep, dat we will...and will be happy dat the Nut Nipper made it in...He was sucking wind doe!...Hoid him say....Hey Bah-Knee...how much fodder is this trail?...Whoa...I'm hoiting, and trying to catch my breath....Just a little bit longer...Which is something I always get told from some of the Harriettess...in the Hash....Well seems dat Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo was impressed with da view...at the Bier Check....Bi-Da-Numbers decided to tie her shoe...Whoa...Ooooops sorry Porta...Nah, Nah!! He was impressed with the view of the Valley....also my Beer Bottle opening skills...Just call me Snaggle Tooth...Pop!!!...So again folks...I'll C-Ewes all in court ...You bunch of Half-Minds....which is only thang expected, and needed to Hash with EPH3...On-On!!!!

 

Bah-Knee!!

 

And Porta says: Next Run !!!

sunday,sunday,sunday.......12.10.07......3pm.......el ocho grande (big 8) corner of doniphan and mesa....be there or be square folks.......remember if you have half a mind that's all you need.

 

 

EPH3…Sunday Nov 25th..

 

Hoser, as he was changing his clothes (yikes!!), in 37 degree weather…in the middle of  Memorial Park’s Library Pah-keen Lot (Point A) glee-fully sang to us all - - “Don’t you wish your Boyfriend was Hot like me!” - “Don’t you wish your Boyfriend was Hot like me!”..and another short rendition of: “I’m too Sexy for the Hash, too Sexy for my Clothes, too Sexy for dis Chaulk…hmmm, hmmm, on the Cat-Walk, on the Cat-Walk!”..Yea-Ah Baby!!!… Guys, Guys…Whoa!!…EPH3 problemo cummers…Ewes guys definitely missed a good Hash!...Excellent weather...(Ball-Shrinking Freezin, and Titty Protrusions)..Not even da Brave “Peters Out” would’ve cum out…Not dat he does, anyway.  and also lots of Gaeity..with Hoser’s singing and all…And Sum-ah Booty Shakin too….We all knew it was going to be a good Hash when Hoser made his “Mom”, Yes! Did I stutter?...Nah!…Yes, made his Mother...get up from her soft woim Sofa, put on a Parkah, and made her drive him back to the “A”...where we was…after he’d hidden the “B” truck somewhere out there, in-con-spic-u-ous-ly, “thup, thup” Sorry folks had to spit that particular woid out…Yep! Bah-Knee knows a few fancy-smancy woids…..Anyway…The crowd gatherered…and it was On-On!! Hare out…and his usual head-start…2 minutes, and 10 seconds this time…Bah-Knee tried keeping everyone Honest…and attempted to stall everyone for the usual, 12 minutes on, and 3 walking…But Nah, NAH!!! Nobody listens to Bah-Knee…So Bah-Knee took off running, finding trail and keeping close sights on his favorite view Clitigation who is pure Motivation, kept FR-Beeen all the way…Ah…yes…We probably are going to have to staple “Clits” Red baseball cap on…cause…Shooot! She continually kept dropping the hat along trail…and every time she dropped it…it felt like some stadium game…and there was a penalty..so the GropeMeister..would have to stop..and…listen for a penalty call…”Guess it was Pav-Lov conditioning or sum-teen”… Guess what? Yeah Guess!!, Okay…I’ll tell ewes all…TR..showed up!...Yeah “TR”. Dats “Twat Rott” for short…oooops…I mean TR is short for “Twatt-Rott”…Yep, aside from “Clitigation”, and da Porta “J”…she was FR-Beeen “2”, dat means, also!..Although she was out of practice…she didn’t get da honors..Next time we’ll On-Her her…We’ll be On-her, and Off-her...LOL…Bada-Bing-Bada-Boom…Sorry folks had to throw dat one in.  Now the Hare…who was Hoser minus his co-hare, HagFag, who never showed up and will probably be an excellent candidate for the Hash Shit next time he does, laid an excellent Trail….  Now Hoser said it was live…Yeah right!…We could tell…when he managed to set a Check Back..1,936 (not really, it was 17)..to a split that became our checking…on to the railroad tracks…Railroad? Hmmm? Now railroad tracks usually means dat there is a Train usually not to far away….

Bah-Knee is going to send his “Shoits Laundry” to Strawberry Short Dick…cause he thought it was funny pulling a similar “Ditch-Da-Bitch” ploy, by playing “chee-kun” with the Train dat did manage to cum by…So Strawberry..is there daring us all to try getting on the train as it goes by traveling at about a guzzillion miles an hour...Da Bah-Knee is dare looking trying to stay warm, and pretending not to Freak-Dicky out!!!...Cut that out Strawberry!! Quit screwing around with the train…is what the GropeMeister says…needless to say…Strawberry left a chaulk indentation of himself at the crossing, and rightfully so, earned himself the “Weekly Flying Fickle Finger, and Hash Shit Award” for Darwinism, attempting to Play tag with a 2 mile train…Ditch-da-Bith, is the only one who applauded during the awarding of the Hash Shit!!! Go figure?  Now in Central…how many “holes-in-da-wall” would ewes guys figure there are, besides, the outright obvious countable street corner ones dat are visible…Well the Hare managed to find all of them…and almost had us On-In to every one…One in particular…which was most notable…(interesting peeps in central) was the Bartender at the Elbo Room …She comes out; let me re-peat dat….”She!!!” comes out, and says, in a deep Baritone…Ewes guys, heees ewes beers… So Works-da-Meat…turns to me, and asked in a whisper…Hey Barn?...Is she a “Thespian? Yeah, I say,… She’s a Thespian alright WDM…She gots dat “Butch” “Acting Part” down pact.  So da Thespian…in her baritone voice says…Da Big Bear guy, named Ho-Saw, dat was here be-4 …say ewes guys gotta sing me a Hash Song…So we did….hmmmm, mee-mee,  and so we all sang a rendition of “Aaahh Vagina for your breakfast, A Va-g-na for your lunch..a Va-g-na for your dinner it’s munch, munch, munch……..” Needless to say, She, da Thespian Butch poy-sun, liked da song!!…We dranked up…and proceeded out of the Elbo room, to find trail again..and On-Eeened at a few more spots…along the greater 5 points scenic area…Everyone please say, “Tank-Ewes Mr. Porta”…for being in such a hurry FRBeeen…dat he missed the check at the coy-nuh of the Bus Stop…So we only ran around dare abouts…another guzzillion times…Dats alright, except dat the Po-Po (EPPD aka police, cops, fuzz)..kept staring at us.. No worries mates…EPH3 which consisted of the pack being Dr. Wang-Dang-Dooo, Da Bee-U-Tee-Ful…Bi-da-Numbers, TR short 4 Twatt-Rott, Equinus-Pumpus aka Pony Pumper, and his trusty Pony-Tail (Paquito..is his immigrant name), Darwinist “Strawberry Short Dick”, and a few more…were happy to keep on Hashing just to keep Woim…Dis-honors…for FRBeeen went to Mr. Porta, of course he cheated by kicking Clitigation, and Twatt-Rott on the chins before the On-On whistle screeched…DFL..dis-honor…was da Pony family…Mr. Pumper, and Tail wagger himself, aka Paquito…which leads us all appreciate half-wits, half-splits, and Half-minds at the EPH3…On-On da GropeMeister signing off…

 

P. S. Ah Geez…I gotta mention the Toy-key Puke Hash…which I unfortunately missed…Hares: was “Ditch-Da-Bitch, WDM”, FRB-Rectal Monitor…”Who”???? DFL was Clitigation; No way…say it isn’t So, Clit??? And the On-After was at The Pizza Smorgasborg…Double Daves….Again …Dis is Bah-Knee Signing Out!!

 

Next Run

12-02-2007 Sunday 3pm..Hare: Groping Bah-Knee, Works-Da-Meat, &

                  ??? Maybe Hoser ??.not sure yet...Point "A"...is at

                  near the Corner of "Bob Hope, and Joe Battle (also

                  known as the loop)...Near what used to be Bulldogs &   

                  Englishman Pub...Far Eastside! Across from the Socorro

                  SportsPlex Stadium

 

 

 

 

EPH3…Sunday da 11th of Nov (Pre-Veterans Day Remembrance Celeb)

 

Yep folks…great turnout on Sunday…it was a Who’s Who…of named Hashers…Mann-Oh-Mann….Problemo Cummers were there, Unauthorized Absenteers (UA-AWOL) were there, Dallas Cowboy Worshippers were there... Etc…It wasn’t a roll call for who was there, but for who wasn’t!....To start off the festivities…Vets w/pets…on hand;  The GropeMeister, Ain’t Jack Shit, Face Down & Spreadum, also…a former regular EPH3-er….Pipe Cleaner (currently on active duty), and his lovely Shag pot-nure, Mrs. Pipe, Sexual Primate, and a nu-addition to da familia, a little bambino Pipe Cleaner, and finally the ever famous, ever present Dr. 79924, Mr. Nip & Tuck, Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo…hailing from again the “Guys-Know-Cows-Logist” Clinic in the greater Northeast…where Point “A” at Diana & Dyer, the abandoned NorthPark Mall was da start of it all.  Da Hare, again, having proven herself was non-udder than our own “Works-Da-Meat and boy did she…she soy-tan-ly did…Da Brisquet was Mah-Ve-Lous, and delicious-seseses “WDM”…A special posthumous tribute….was given to our departed friend & fellow Hasher, Mr. Toothfaire represented by his lovely Short-Shoits former Shag Pot-nure…”Ditch-Da-Bitch” which is one way of doing eeet, although quite permanent…minus her Voi-gen friend Just Juliet…Geez, Chucks……Now…I suspect that Bah-Knee, is going to get Cards, and Letters for this statement…but, it seems dat…Ditch-Da-Bitch decided to play “I dare you all” by scampering across the freeway, she got a thrill, and decided to do it twice, or more???….Oh-No?…With her was another sidekick of the Equinos Pumpus aka Pony Pumper, Quantum Query…who also decided to accompany her… Guys, Guys….does the word “Road-Kill” mean anything to U-all….Toothfairie turned over a couple of times…and if you listened you could hear a faint scream coming down from up dare saying “Hey!….Hey!….Ditch! Stop doeen dat”…One up here, is enough for now!!!!  I hate when dat happens…But all is not lost…Woid is Ditch’s voigen is cumming back (Just Juliet), and is going to make sure Ditch doesn’t run off, by securely holding her hand.…Which made the GropeMeister Hap & Pee….A celebrating tribute was also bestowed on our own…Brother…and Fellow Hasher…Mis-Management Extra-Ordinaire…Da-Religious Advisor Mr. Porta John….Seems Da Porta…has accumulated well over “573” Hash Runs…Yikes…talk about not having a “life” but on da udder hand…what else eees dare to do…Dooo-doooo!...Sooooo Congrats Mr. Porta…

 

The whistle sounds “On-On” and the EPH3’s Hounds are off looking for trail here, and trail dare….Well marked trail?…Of which the GropeMeister must comment on….”It was a well-marked trail”…no suprises…clear chaulk all the way, splooged when appropriate.. Harriettes?? .and no ESP marks.  In the lead after having kicked Porta in the knee, FRB-eeen all da way, da ever-loving and now holder of a “25 Confoimed” Hash Runs Patch…Ms.Rub-Her-Belly….Ooooooh Yea!...”Clitigation” “Madden, Madden”…. Again, former EPH3 alumni…hailing from the state of Chihuahua, Doh!...or is eeet

South Dakota, nah! Nah!....It’s Nebraska…yep Nebraska.  Da Head-Hunter…Mr.

No-Dick-4-U (ND4U)…minus his Shag-Pot-Nure…Goez Down Ez…Woid is EZ is pushing About 259 on the scale…and getting ready to drop a Pup… Yikes!!!…ND4U kept violating EPH3 protocol by constantly having technology on trail and in the soy-kul.. Yes…Honey-Pooo, Yes-Deereee, Yes EZ…Don’t worry…I’ll be sure to stay out of the Red-Zone in Juarez…And for sure, when I get home…we’ll go get your noi-mal 56 orders of Happy Meals from Mickey D’s, and da Fish Tacos tooo! 

 

Ah-Riteee then!!!...Next on our list of hmmmm? Should we call them “Darwin Award Nominees”…I don’t know?…Ewes guys decide….Now when I was in school…Yes, yes…Dah Bah-Knee did get past the sisth-grade…We loined that E=MC2…which in a nutshell…means that matter, i.e., something hard & physical…Harriettes, now – now lets not get excited….Matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time….Which gives opportunity for me to intro my next story….. “Hoser”…Our big fluffy lovable bear guy!!

You can’t help but to love him….Geez…Okay…Okay…Bah-knee is not planning to go out and pick curtains with him…just making statements.   Now on to our story.  Besides being back from protecting us from Fires….Hoser was accused of constant, and habitual whining….about trail marks, as he always does, to distracts us from the Fence Squeezin “Incident”….Please…. Mr. Einstein, and Mr. Darwin esplaine…Seems dat Hoser had a One Round Bout with a fence, and the Fence won….Seems that the Fence…wasn’t going to budge for Hoser trying to squeeze thru an opening about 6 inches wide…with Hoser pushing about 36 inches across…and that’s his Slim side….Yikes!!  “He fought the “Fence” and the Fence won, He fought the Fence and the Fence Won!!”….This didn’t go well with Hoser…Seems he had to traverse…back all the way around…to who knows who…before he picked up trail again…and caught up with the Pack… This is definitely up there with Hoser’s version of: “You’re not # 1, you’re number??? Huh?? -1, or -2… Hoser in the Soy-Kul!!!!...Moving on….let’s see…oh yeah….Special shout out to “Butt-O-Finger”…who is departing us for about a year to Korea…Sorry Strawberry!...Hey don’t worry…I got a few candy bar girl-friends I can probably fix you up with…And finally with….let’s see there is “Ms. Cherry-Vanilla, Ms. Candy, Brown Sugar, Betty-Boop Bar””  Alright, here some more newss, that came out in the soy-kul….Yep!! It’s for real. Looks like “Ain’t Jack Shit” is leaving us also…”good riddance” he can drink some other Hashes Beer-Check Beer now!...Ooooops, sorry…did I say that?….Nah! Just kidding “Jack Shit”…we all love you…and you are part of the puzzle just as much as anybody else is….Jack Shit is moving to College Station, Tejas…for awhile…Mr. Real-Estate Baron that he is…gots to take care of sum-ah bid-ness over dare!!...and Finally…which brings us to the Epitome of Half-Mind behavior…Pony’s Pony Tail…was also part of the ‘mita-mente” group…and now I know why…I asked Pony how Pony’s Tail lost most of his tail…I thought it had been cropped..as a puppy….apparently not…Seems Paquito…aka Pony’s Tail had issues…and mostly bit off his tail slowly…a little at a time….There ewes have it folks…”Mita-Mente, or Half-Mind qualifier” which again definitely brings us to agree, that this kind of Half-Mind behavior is also synomous with the Hoser…and all our the other Nutss with EPH3….On-On, Bah-Knee signing off.

 

 

EPH3 Next Run

 

11-18-2007 Sunday 3pm....Hare:  Facedown & Spreadum.  Point A is at El Paso Tennis Club on Virginia between New York and Robinson 

 

 

 

EPH3  Sunday Nov 4, 2007 “J.C.Penney’s Pah-keen Lot” Pt “A”


Okay..."Coc-U-Lay-Tor....mark eeet dare, than go over a couple of houses and mark dare again...."How big a mark, do you want  me to make, Bah-Knee?"...Make it big enough where no way..they cannot see eeet!..Geeez…Now there’s a mark…2’x3’ pointing straight to the “Beee”!  Hey Coc-U-Lay-Tor….dat ain’t a Hash Mark, dats a street sign….And so da Hares, GropeMeister, and the Coc-U-Lay-Tor....Laid it out for the few on hand for Sunday's run... I suspect it was another church day for Problemo Cummers what with the Cowboys having played.  Still we had a few bold ones....aiming and ready to find trail…Hmmm? Find trail…..Now that’s an understatement…The GropeMeister, and the Coc-U-Lay-Tor wanted to make it a point…to mark so well…there’d be no excuse to get lost…”Hmmmmm?” Go Figure…Now if the trail is leading along going mostly West on Montwood, how do two Harriettes end up completely south on Vista Del Sol….Geeez, I don’t know…Alright…for those of you who can’t visualize…let me put-eeet dis way….You can’t go to the West Side, from the East Side, by Way of Horizon City….unless...dares like new math involved, or being used…even Coc-U-Lay-Tor…couldn’t figure dat one out…how does Da Bee-U-Tee-Ful “Bi-Da-Numbers, and Works-da-Meat, got lost…and end up heading towards Horizon City…by way of Vista Del Sol, and Joe Battle???  Butt! Butt! Butt! Bah-knee…we decided to Zen, and than we started talking…and before we knew eeet…we were on our way to Juarez, by way of Horizon City….Alrighteee dan…Let’s see what “Funky-Wag-At-Her” Dish-Shion-Ary says Zenning means (definition)…Zen:  “A Japaneese Sect of Mahayana Buddism that aims at enlightment by direct intuition through Meditation”….EPH3…do “Bi-Da-Numbers, & Works-Da-Meat”, look anything like Japaneese split-tail Buddists, or simarlarly enlightened, or a reasonable facsimile….”I ask”!.....Nyet, Nah, No, No Way...!..

Needless to say, that before the Hash was officially over, and the Pizza was getting cold at the “B”…we had to send out a soich pah-tee…to find our two (2) stray womens…Now at EPH3 wee don’t have to many womens…so wees got to take care of the ones we have..until the next replacement order comes in.  Here’s another big “Hint”!! Who at EPH3 hasn’t figured out where Bah-Knee ends 99.9% of the Hashes he lays…Anyone?, Anyone?? No Sheeeet!...”B” is almost always at “Bah-Knees”…Hello? Mac-Fly…Needless to say…The Weekly Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award was shared by both…of our illustrious Stepford Womens…Bi-Da-Numbers, and Works-da-Meat….FRB notoriety…beating out the Porta-Meister…was the one and only “Facedown & Spreadum” minus…H2-Ho…(hmmm? wonder where she’s at)….DFL again!...Bi, & Woiks…also on hand…were the Doc of Wang-Dang-Dooo!...Yea Doc!!! …Sooooo to make up for the SNAFU…Works-Da-Meat volunteered to Lay next week’s Hash…having proven her Half-Mind status, and dat’s all you need to Hash with the EPH3….

 

 

Take it Away Religious Advisor, Mr. Porta…who says: Sunday!!,Sunday!!,Sunday!!.......11/04/2007......3pm........Northpark mall......dyer & wren.......works da meat........pot luck sunday.......bring yer hashin shoes and a good appetite ....and remember if you have half a mind that's all you need

 

 

EPH3 Sunday Oct 28th -  "Da Maze Haze Hash"..

 

Okay folks, for ewes guys that are family oriented...this was a nice Hash to have attended, Sunday’s Hash at the La Union Maize Haze. Da GropeMeister missed Saturdays Tailgate outing….Had to do laundry, and dishes.  Although, again Sunday’s had a good crowd on hand with "Peters' Out" as da Hare, it definitely turned out to be an enjoyable outing, family outing, i.e....Of course Peters' Out, had his brood in check starting...with "MOM" inclusive of Da Dude, "Comes when he pleases” age 10",  and the   epitome of precociousness, the delightful Ms. "MiniMistress, age 9", both of whom were anxiously waiting to woof all the adult Harriers at the Maze Haze.  Epic events at the Hash….Well let’s see….It was Pony Pumper’s boithtay…Hap-Pee boith-tay Pony Pumper….You old goat ewe….Oh yeah…Naming committee was also formed up…and we ascertively sent Pony’s Paquito off to smell the surroundings, and get a whiff of the Upper Valley, as opposed to the Lower Valley…So I asked Paquito..afterwoids…sooooo Paquito..does the aroma of udder-low-calities separate from the valley sooth your noives. Than he growled at me, as he licked his chops.  Kinda-like Hoser sometimes does… A quick vote was raised, not much debating, which led to now and forever naming of “Paquito” to be known as “Pony’s Tail”…He’s true blue…He’s a Hasher thru & thru.  Okay…now what else was exciting …oh yeah!!...Keeping in tune with the canine topic….”Cums when he pleases” ended up in the Dog House, pissing off his Dad..(Peter’s Out”) after he was specifically told…that being a DFL…and not showing up at the designated turtle check, and place after the Hash was officially over…was a “Hare-raising” (pun !) situation.. Mr. Peter’s Out, and Da Mom…had to go back into the Maze Haze a couple of times…whistling their lungs away…trying to get Da Dude to come out of the “cornucopia” of corn stalks, and coax  “Comes when he pleases” back to the Start”….Finally he showed up….little sweat on his brow, cool and confident…proudly to display his DFL status, and maybe the Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award, for, Yep! Keeping in Hash Shit spirit….Scaring the “Shit” out of MOM, and Peter’s Out…So we’re off back to the vehicles, anticipating a much needed frosty beverage, and checking to see if Paquito (Pony Tail)..was still in the truck, and hadn’t chased any tires off passing traffic...Oh Yeah…Most will argue…that we at the EPH3…really don’t consider Pony’s Tail…a real dog.  He is more like family…kinda-like “Jack Shit” status….Reason I bring this up…is cause…there were no pets allowed in the Maze…we argued, and protested that Paquito…again was more like family…but the staff there was adamant…We also mentioned that if they let “Jack Shit” in…why wouldn’t they let Paquito (Pony’s tail) into the Maze…..It was to no avail. 

 

Da Soicle…was short-lived, which was caused by emergency egress procedure drills due to a “La Union Squadron 539” of blood Sucking Mosquitoes, having flown in, dive bombing directly into Harrier veins as they Kamazakied for dinner. So the Religious Advisor, FRB, loving husband and shag partner to Da Bee-U-Tee-Full fair maiden “Bi-da-Numbers”..swung eeet, and swinged eeet very low in a four count beat, and off we were to the On-After where we would enjoy more frosty beverages, delicious sustenance from the “Ay-Caramba” Diabetic Factory (Mexican Food)..Now the chow there really stays with you…Hmmm?...I mean really stays with you!! Like days on end in constipated torture…. At “Aye-Carambas” they will complimentarily give you, instead of mints, a “AngioPlastic Procedure” to clear your arteries of any superfluous animal fat…left over from your meal. What a Deal!...Anyway, there at the restaurant, we was, Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo, mi-self “Bah-Knee”, Da Portas, “Coc-U-Lay-Tor, Jack Shit, The Boith-Tay Boy, Pony, who again left Pony’s Tail in the Truck all sitting along with Peter’s Out, MOM, and da kids….Yea !!!!...So me and Dr. Wang-Dang-Dooo dutifully listened as da delightfully precocious, age 9 going on 32, Ms. Mini-Mistress capped on the major events of the Hash for the day, explained and commented on Hash Doctrine for all of us. She enjoyably munched on her Chee-kun Tenders, and French Fries, occasionally viciously throwing, a Ketchup laden bullet french fry at “Comes when he pleases”, as she screamed, stop it “Andy” don’t touch me…Which would send MOM into a frenzy as she screamed…Guys, Guys!!! Behave…No hitting on the face……Now she remarked, “I think da trail was to short”, don’t you think Dr. Wang…and Wang would answer, Yep!...I think, Jack Shit should’ve gotten the Hash Shit (Mom screams, watch you mouth, Mini)…for both days…I also like our new virgin, Just Juliet..”Oye Ve”, accompanied by the Short-Shoits extradinaire…”Ditch-Da-Bitch”.  Also I don’t think “Andy” (Comes when he pleases) should’ve gotten the Hash-Shit, Jack Shit should’ve again…for drinking all the Beer, and not living any for my Dad & Mom…French Fryes again flying in the air, this time, at Porta, Bi-Da-Numbers, and “Coc-U-Lay-Tor”….I think Bah-knee should’ve gotten one of those “dead-beat” awards for being in-conspicous during the whole trail…Another Fry flies thru the Air, this time going to Jack Shit’s direction…and so before finally capsizing the whole Hash…there had been a frenzy of flying fryes, which goes to all agree, that surely Ms. Mini-Mistress, is half-minded and soy-tanly qualifies her to Hash with the EPH3….

 

On-On EPH3 – Bah-Knee    

 

 

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EPH3 Sunday Oct 14, 2007

 

Its this way!!  Nah!  It’s this way I tell ewes! Anybody gots a flashlight?…Where am I?...Somewhere in a blackhole of the greater NorthEast El Pisso, between Hondo Pass, Transmountain, and Diana.   It’s this way..^@$#%ing... Hoser!   Tssssh! Zap! Zock!...Ouch! “Damm, Hoser, Why did you hit me you dink”? No, No, don’t talk to me; you hit me on my nose, “Bah-Knee screams with a lonely tear in his eye”…Just follow me, Hoser says, with a clenched fist, and you too Coc-U-Laytor”, or I’ll spank you, says Hoser; nevermind where Porta’s running too.  We’ll find the trail, even if we have to track thru every street there is.  What trail?...You seen any trail yet, Mr. Hoser? Says Coc-U-Laytor, as she clenched her tush with both hands, in anticipation of a violetnt gesture, from the Hose Monster?….Usually a mark is subsequent to a preceded “Freaking Mark!” Has this been the case so far, Mr. Hoser, ewe Wanker? Screams Coc-U-Laytor... Hey Coc-U-Laytor, take it easy, Hoser will really spank you.  Hey, anybody seen Jack Shit?...usually he always seems to know, or have a good idea, where we’re going to end up..Yeah..dat…SCB, Auto-Hashing Scoundrel.  Hmmm, Nah, I think he got runned over by a On-Car, somewhere on Dyer, as we crossed eeet for the umptieth time. Hey, maybe we should’ve had “Paquito” (Pony Pumper’s Dog) smell, Cialis’ (See Alice) Butt…before he took off.  Next time we’ll do dat…and all he’s gots to do, is follow the scent..Yikes…Yooooewe!!. Yucks!!!  So dare we were.  Where? Where were ewes?…shooot, geez, I don’t know! Some-freaking where!!  

 

Well...folks just some of the interesting excerpts from the now infamous EPH3 Hash Trail from this past Sunday…This particular Hash definitely must be a nominee for the woist laid trail of the year, and be registered on the books, along with some of Hoser’s tall-tale antics.  Now the term “Trail” is of course used loosely…It was going to be Cialis’ foist time…a soon to be defunct voi-gen lay…but like most situations, the foist time seems to always end up being shitty…You guys remember your first time?…hmmm? It was in the dark, on the backseat of your Dad’s Chevy…, a downed six pack, nasty breath, Geez…member you couldn’t find it guys, and the goils weren’t the exception…Anyway…Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo..Deee proposed mentor, Co-Hare, and poi-sonal guide to this virgin lay to be defunct, showed up a Point “A”…EPCC Transmountain campus…walking like Rumpelstilskin..with his back looking like a squished paper clip, and maybe an acute touch of Scoleosisessess (coi-vee-sure of the spine)…Well, it was obvious, he wasn’t going to lay guidance trail cause he was on the injured list (What a Cowboy fan)…Still, he went on to talk a good game, and had us all salivating, competing with Pony’s Paquito…about how good the trail was! Yeah right!.. A good crowd showed up….Clitigation, Clitigation…of whom all you had to do to keep up with her, was to keep an ear out, for the clinging & clanging of the Chain of Pain. She proudly carried it for showing off as a previous FRB’er. She kept mumbling something that sounded like “Madden, Madden! Oh Madden!...Ooooooh! Madden…I gots to get home for Madden! It’s been said that if you whisper the Woid “Football” in her ear, dat’s all you need to get a poi-sonal belly dance, Clitigation Ala-Carte .  This week, Porta…in da lead...da whole way, FRB-eeeen…and getting the pack lost constantly trying to find trail…was the weekly recipient of the “Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award” and deservedly so for trying to keep the pack on the up-beat…and Hashing…soives him right.. No way was this shitty trail was going to be salvaged by a few inspiring woids from Porta, or the Equinos Pumpus, aka, Pony Pumper.  Pony Pumper, and his loyal “Paquito”…what a sight. Next time I’m following Paquito marks the hole way.  Now I think “Paquito” gots the right idea…He just kept cruising…looking at Pony solemnly as you could barely hear him bark “Okay….Which way now Boss”…I’ll follow you anywhere, but you gots to give me a dog bone…later!... Quantum Query...kept barking the same thing to Pony the whole way…except for a couple of times when we lost track of him….Than we hoid a scream….a scream for Quantum…Is that Quantum running down there on that street…Quantum, come back, this way Quantum…Don’t walk to the light…Nah, Nah! Quantum, stay away from the light…We gots to all stay together…A common theme from “Ditch-da-Bitch”!...Now here’s a story…Whoa!...D-da-B…was ready to linch someone…particularly… Doc Wang…Get a rope, Git A Rope…She I says…I gots Voi-Gens...who'll help lynch someone...if there going to put up following no trail...Shoot if that's the plan, we'll just stay home and watch the Lost Cowboys game...Same thing, less exertion, which is a common theme witht he Cowboys.
We need to string him up now!!...Seems D-da-B…was a tad upset for Dr. Wangs lack of guidance on Cialis…unmarked trail….She even had some for me…You see Bah-Knee, you’re always bitchin about Harriettes, and their ESP markings…well than Cialis maybe is getting in touch with his feminine side, cause this trail was all ESP.  And finally...who came in along with some of Hashers to the B, about
9-ish at night, having started at about 4-ish...Jack Shit....as DFL...."Who Loves you Baby?"....Where's the Beer?....which leads us

all to hope for another Half-Mind Laid trail by Cialis and the Doc...so we can really string them up.....and that's all you need to Hash with EPH3....

 

On-On, Bah-Knee, Peace-Out Peeps!!

 

Next Run!

10-21-2007 Sunday 4pm - Hare: Porta John, & ?maybe "Bi-Da-Numbers". 

              Point "A" is at the El Paso Fitness Center, off Paragon off N. Mesa,

              West Side C-U-Dares!  

 

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