Hash Trash
[Thanks to
Groping Bar-Knee for this week's Hash Trash]
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EPH3 Commentary for Sunday July 6th… the
“AA Hash” (Array of Aromas) A foreboding aromatic scent of a stale pungent
ammoniated by-product, originating from Well da Hares…Mr. LIITA (proud sponsor of now
named “Likes-it-in-the-Caboose (LIITC), and visiting voi-gen friend of LITTC, Just Mike), along wif
Co-Hare “Clitigation, Oh Clitigation what’s This is Bah-Knee signing off till next
week…On-On
It's Pony Pumper and Quantum...Search the
Website. "Ewe look simplee
“Mah-Veh-Less”, Darleengks" EPH3’s umptieth “Annual Red
Dress Hash”….Yes!!...Point “A” cooo-dif easily qualified as a major fashion
runway, perhaps not en Nueva Yorke, but soy-tan-lee, Frisco fer-shure…dare
was an array of fashionistas…arriving @ or next to Coronado HS pah-keen
lot…and it was a good thing…eeet was the West-Side (a wee-bit more liberal)
udder-wise…most and especially da Dragsters (Shoit for Drag Queens)…wooo-duf
gotten a few Cat-calls from drive by Cholos…especially in the Lober
Val-Leee…Yikes!!..An often quip that was hoid amongst all was:...”Darleengk” ewe look sim-plee “Mah-Veh-Less”…Yes!
“Mah-Veh-Less”…Ex-Coo-Se-Mua Dee-aah!...Does
my butt…look to big in dis…slip” Hoser axseses.. No of course
not…Darleengk…answers Bah-Knee…Slutty, and Phantom axeseses mua, Da Bah-knee
da same pregunta…except dat as a life saving instinctful reflex…da Bah-Knee
did not answer…except for a quick…”Ah Yes! Darleengk, ewe look sim-plee
“Mah-Veh-less”…And so after a quick visual and un-official vote as to who was
the fairest of dem all….”Mirror, Mirror, on the wall…here eye cums balls to
the wall”…Yeah!!...Da Hare(s)…Phantom Bitch, LIITA, and da Hoser…soy-tan-lee
went out of dare way to lay…a half/mita decent trail..through
scenic "The Best
Tush" of which our first candidate for nomination...will be "Pubic
Nightmare" ...VaVa-Vah-Vooom!! Wooo-Hoooo! Wuf-Wuf...Mann that Goyl is
packing some Tush...torrid-lee visible after the napkins she was wearing as a
Bikini....Of course the Bah-Knee got chided cause the Bah-Knee was hungree
(in more ways dan uno) for a Frankfurter...during the on-after, and so
Bah-Knee found the Buns and commented...Whoa...dis are some nice
buns...coicidently as "Pubes" walked by...And so Pubes yells at
Bah-Knee..."I beg you Pardon"...Darleengk...You don't have to beg
for a "Nut"-Teeng from Me... Also on hand...and we cain't nay-mum
all...."Newlyweds" Corky, and Price is right....(anybody
want to start up a pool and the longevity on dis one)....Rectal Monitor
minus...Hula, and da Prefessor...Limp..., Porta..da
the un-distinguished "RA", Elmer Phucker, Balls in Hand, da Bee-U-Tee-Ful
Clitigation, Pussy Rican, da antics of Wakes Me...Short Dick Strawberry...and
of coy-se...The GropeMeister....shuffling along at a slow pace which I might
add....was also chastised by "Hand Job Daily"...as she swooops by
the Bah-Knee...saying... "Hurry ewes Old
Fart...cum on and try to catch me....I'm not wearing underwear"...Of
which da Bah-Knee says...I know...I can schmell...and besides what for,
they'll just disintegrate anyway....Whoa!!! Well...In a Nut shell folks... That's what eet totalled
up to be...for the Half-Minds @ EPH3 this past Sunday...which is really all
you need... Oh! Oh!! Bah-Knee Don't
Forget Boith-Tays...and a mention to all of this cumming weeks "Tribute
to Toothfaire's Boith-Tay, and Memorial Hash".....Okay!! Well A-Bee-deee-
A-Bee-Dee....Dat's all folks... Groping Bah-Knee signing
Off.... “Hey Hoser…”…”After dat split, I can’t find trail in this
direction either”….”There’s none that way either”...”Well? Hmmm? says da
Hoser”…”Da only udder way, is dis-a-way, Bah-Knee" "towards da
desert and that “Humongus-eseses Reservoir” … Yikes!! Aaaargghhh!... ”No-Way-Ho-Say!!...Nope, Not!!..."No more
Reservoirs!"…Bah-Knee screams lamenting as he freaks out…”Wait a minute,
Wait-ah-Minuto!!" I got sum chaulk here!!..Hmmm?
“Bah-Knee ponders”…Yep..Yessereee buddy, C-moan
Ese…Let’s C??…One big Soy-kul…and a giant “B” solves da mystery" Yea,
Baby!! Whala!…"Hey Hoser…I fount da “B”..it’s right here where I’m standing…On-On, On-In..Near
Beer…here eeet eees!...No problemo….Hey Hoser? Ewe
tink...da Hare "Works-da-Meat" will mind if the "B" eees
here...Hmm-Nah!...I don't tink she'd decided either...We just helped her out
a little by figuring eeet out for her...Hey Hoser, Hey..dares
“Price is Right” walking dis way…Hey “Price is Right” "Com-C-Hee-ah,
Darleengk"…Here, right here where Bah-Knee eees…Now Deareee…step right
dare…Ah-Yes Gotcha!!!…Hey Hoser,…We gots-us an “FRB”
tooos…It’s da “Price is Right”, and they'll probably git her for AutoHashing
also..…"Bah-Knee...ewes "SCB (Short Cutting Bastard)" Ewes! Hey Hoser?....What Bah-Knee?.."drink you
Bee-aah...I gots to do dis", doo what Bah-Knee? I gots
to finish...the "Hash Trash" while we wait for the
pack...Hmmm? Now where was eye...Oh yeah.... Well
EPH3...eet was another great outing for the El Pisso brood...and we had a
spectacular toin-out...Old-timers, Nu-Timers, Voigens to be named, and foist
timer toos, Nupital Announcements (Price & Corky), Anniversarios
Ala-Carte (Wake me when eeets over, & and his delicious shagging pot-nah,
“P-Wreak-Can) and all kinds of udder "Shit"...Oooops, sorry
folks..Anyway...Ewes coulds find Point "A" wif ur eyes
closed...Dyer @ Tetons at the Sunrise Shopping Area.....Da Hare
“Work-Da-Meat”…is perhaps one of the best Hares @ EPH3...”Why?” You might
ask, cause dutifully, she takes our mainstreamers (intellectually challenged,
i.e., “retareds”) into consideration (Corky, Bah-Knee, Hoser, hmmm? Maybe the
RA toos) and lays out a negotiable trail…except for the
Toid-eeen-da-Tunnel-Trap (da triple Ts’)…anyway…it was a Dead trail…pointing
straight to the tunnel entrance at Chapin High School, via, a few jaunts
around scenic ghetto Northeast El Pisso.
Bah-Knee? Why you make this soooo long…Cum & Finish your Bee-aah;
dares a few cheetos left. Okay…Hoser!...Alrightee dan…Let’s recap…finally after a few
bee-aahs…the pack started drifting in stepping on a Bah-Knee inspired “Point
B”..…FRB of course.. Price-Eees-Right…visiting
Hasher…Operation Lost Cause, & confusing as it may…Mastergator who claims
North County (San Diego) H3…although most remember him from hee-ah…..And “Ah-Guillen”…We
managed to lose…part of the Peter’s Out Clan…Seems “MOMs’ maternal instincts
kicke in…and she returned herself wif/brood in tow, back to point “A”…Hmm?
Mustah got a wif of da “Triple Three Danger” i.e.
“Toid-een-da-Tunnel Trap”. Da weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and
Hash”SHIT” award went to nun-udder than “ROTC” along wif a nu-shoe wif shit..recognition - Cumming Problemos “C-Alice”..Voigens
nu-leee named and forever shall be knowned
Just Rachel “Swallow my Kids”,
Just Dave “Fidel AssBlow”, and Just Jackie “Pubic Nightmare”…Now as the RA
came into the “B”…along wif da Pack…Da Bah-Knee was wondering what that
schmell..was…Soooo Da “RA – Porta John” kept lamenting – “Whoa…Did ewes
people “C” dat big “Toid” een-da Tunnel”…”Who step on eeet?” Apparently da
whole half mind pack did!....Soooo Da Hoser, and da
Bah-Knee looks at each udders…And Gregariously started to laughs
again…wif…orange rings around da mouth from Cheetos.. And a cool buzz..from a couple of Bee-ahhs…Half-Mind Happiness which is
all ewes need To Hash wif da EPH3 in El Pisso…. On-On
Bah-knee signing off…
EPH3 Commentary
"Pre-lubing…and setting Rapport"…( So dare we
was @ the pre-lube juncture...before Hash
Time...Da Gropemeister, oily as usual...and shortly arrived das
Hares..."Wake me when it's over, and his be-loved Pot-Nah..."Poncho
da Dog"...and also his udder be-loved Dog! Doh! Yikes!!..
Oooops, I meant, his udder beloved "Pussy Rican". Poifect and
Bee-U-Tee-Ful afternoon for a figure "8" trail...Grahams was
definitely da place to start...We conversed, laughed and cried,
remenisqued...Da conversations became a pot-of-us...calmly and
continaully batting away those pesky Bar-Flies...by
screaming..."No...I won't buy ewes another beer...ewes
ugly bee-aash, wif no teefs" Go away... Yes...again
a wonderfully chosen...piss-on-da-wall establisment...Now..folks
Bah-knee is able to be just as Politically Correct...as da next
"retired salty jarhead with no tact" but sometimes ewes just gots
to call an Ace, and Arce.... Now I
figured…weighing in @ about 375 to 400 lbs…is an understatement….But this
“Gentlemen” and I’m loosely stating – This Gentlemen axes mua
“Bah-knee” while we enjoyed da view on the "Veronda" dare at the
Pre-lube @ Grahams… ”Hey" he says….Soooo ewes guys are a running
club, huh?”.."Why do ewes guys Hash
(Run)???"…Now dis he axes me (Bah-Knee)…while he’s chomping on a 2
or 3 pattie Hamburglar, wif 14 slices of pasteurized cheese, pieces of food
still on his mustache, face brilliantly glowing around his pie-hole from the
grease, and as he chugged on a 64 oz….Mason Jar of Bee-aah! Now how
rhetorical…can dis 400 pounder’s question “B”….Well…w/out the GropeMeister
even muttering a woid…I would think Mr. Hamburglar aficionado and medical ailments
poster character would have guessed on the following reasons why we Hash
(Run): Hmmm? Let’s see if he can read minds…Da GropeMeister is tinking,
to stave-away, and deter Hypertension (High Blood Pressure), Diabetes,
Grotesque Obesity, Habitual Plumber’s Crack, Lack of finding clothes that
fit…, only able to wear Moomus in a size
XXXXXL, infinite sandal wearer, cause ewes feets looks like Michelin tires,
and no shoes will fit, Mandatory Celibacy cause no women could possibly stand
your ass schmell, or breath underneath ewes…if ewes got dat close. I was
expecting Dr. Wang-Dang-Dooo, and also recently graduated
from Anesthiologist apprenticeship, and
now a full Journeyman Dok-Tor "Wake Me" would have weighed
in...on a few udder reasons why.....to the Big
Guy asking why we Hash (Run)..but they was also
busy...working up one of dose...Hamburglars for demselves...
Now…Eeen-Cre-Da-Bleee!!..(incredibly)…Bah-Knee…had a
shoit circuit…will probably need to get re-wired, get counseling, and
immediately kept muttering thereafter…..”Ah Bee-Dee, Ah-Bee-Dee, Ah-Bee-Dee”…cause he hoid…”Balls-In-Hand”, as she
sheepishly whispered to our 400 plus lbs Big Guy …”Oooooo! I likes Big Guys
U-know!...batting eyelashes et al., while she
twoiled her twisted-sistah…hair…rocking her un-crossed legs, back &
forth” “Ooooo! Yes (with a lisp)…I really like Big Guys…Well, in the
woids of our favorite Dance Studio Madonna…”Ditch-da-Bitch”…quote: Whatever
blows your Skoit Up!...or….Ooooo, go ahead...Go
Ahead “Mess with my Tutuuuu!!” And there you have eeet folks…another
Half-Mind Moment….Anyways…As you’ve already guessed, Point “A” was an
often Hash watering hole, Piss-on-da-Wall, Da Famous “Grahams”…home to a
Barfly Commune. Soooo
as we're conversing, and Hashers gradually kept arriving...the also
Bee-U-Tee-Ful Clitigation arrives, waving away..to
all...and Bah-Knees tinking, Yea!! we gots us an
FRB...but "Clit" says she's not Hashing..cause..sumteen wasn't right..and not
feeling good...She said that eeet was going in one way...and cumming out da
udder...so I figured.."Hmmm"? Gots to find da "G"
spot...But than she says...that sumtimes also, eeets going & cumming
boat ways...Yikes, Yuks, Eeewww! Now dats kinky...to much venue...for da
GropeMeister....So she waved goodbyes...and said...C-Us' next week...More,
& more Hashers continually arrived, and finally...after Hares Out, &
Chaulk talk...a long figure 8 trail..was in the making...I guess sum-teen was
going around...cause also...Hand Job Haly...while on trail..says to the Groper...Hey Bah-Knee...I feel like
"Hurling"..."Hurling?" Hoiling what?...A
shot-put, an Ex-Boyfriend, dirty skivvies...What?...No you Dink..she says to the Bar-knee...I feel like hurling...Oh!!
Bah-Knee says...Well, foist of all...don't get to close to me, and try to put
your finger in...just do eeet..and
it'll happen...and you'll feel better...Just put the Finger In...Yikes!!!!
Not dare (there) "Hand Job Haly"...in this case not the finger
dare (there)...put eeet in your mouth..in your
mouth, the finger in your mouth...Okay!!...Okay!! I says..."A
Finger"..not your whole hand, and part of your
arm....although dats quite admirable...Whoa...Hand Job...you've got
talent...Need I say...that Hand Job Haly earned herself the "The Weekly
Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash-Shit Award"...for her
un-mitigated talent...at being able shove a whole Hand and Arm into her
mouth, mistakenly for a simple Forefinger...It's no wonder why she's
named "Hand Job Haly"...Huh??? She finally Hoiled tooo....Now Rumor
has eet dat da weeks...FRB was an even tied betweengst...."Dunno (who's
Dunno), Porta John, ROTC, Red Light, Face Down, and who knows who"...DFL
and we waited and waited....Corky da Retard, minus...Price!, and Strawberry
Short Dick...Ah-Ha....Cumming Problemo & Autohasher Phantom Bitch, Slutty
White Trash, Da Power of Cock....Hoser...Hmmm? Hoser...Noooo
Shit...Autohashing...Hoser?.....Udder notables...Visiting Hasher Tazmanian
Devil hailing from the Okinawa H3, on his way to Iraq...be safe and
On-On...In receipt of a EPH3 Bandana...Stawberry, and Hoser "Again in
the news"....Whistle awardee...Just Rachel..."Blew away..all day...cums natural to her". Another Cumming
Problemo...Nut Nipper...(Guess he finally realized
da Cowboys ain't playing no more)....Hap-Pee Boith-Tay...to Works-Da-Meat...who
kept tugging at Bah-Knee's Shoits...Be careful..my
dear..the "One-Eyed-Fool" will get ewes.......Soooo Folks...a great
Hash had been Had...at EPH3...all over the WestSide...courtesy of "Wakes
me" "Pussy Rican", and Half-Mind Hasher "Poncho da
Dog"...which is really all you need to Bar-Fly yourselves to another
good weekly trail...Dis is Bah-Knee Signing off till next week... On-On...Groping
Bar-Knee...
Upcoming Schedule EPH3....The Aaannnd
Soooo! Hashers & Harriettes…"Maestro, drum roll pal-leese!" Da
recipient of dis Year’s Award….all rolled into one, A combination, An array…A
mixture…of both blasphemous violations, and not-noteworthy endeavors…starting
with da not-coveted…”Darwin Award” for scaling an 8 ft. chain-link fence
lined with Barbed Wire on top, and simply jumping off without consideration
of life, limb, and who da hell would have driven “Pussy Rican, & Poncho
da Dog” home…if he’d kilt himself…Also in the mix was FRB, and Lastly…a
strong, very ascertive nomination pledged by Dok-Tor Wang-Dang-Doo, for
the Weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and HashShit Award, for
Competition…Yes..Non-udder than our own “Wake me when it’s Over”….apparently
somebody didn’t. is what I think. “Wake Me” was
simply anesthised and a true “Darwinist”…Yea!! Wake Me!...
Well
folks (EPH3)…Bah-Knee, i.e., da Groper is back with of course some
observations while on trail, and simply, a much biased opinion…Ewes guys
Disagree?...Well than..”Ph—ck”, Ewes guys write you own shit! It
was a breezy splendid afternoon for Hashing…while EPH3s’ arrived at hee-ahh?....Whistles
blaring...Hey Wang...Herr Dok-Tor Wang! Over hee-ahh!......Sooo
Wang shows up at the Beer Check holding a pair a Racing Striped Skivvy
Underwear..A real nasty pair tooo!...Hey
Wang...what? what? Just finished up a
Gus-Know-Cow-Logist Exam at the clinic, or sumteen? What are ewes, Michael
Jordan's bud-deee..getting free underwear?...What?...Soooo
Wang says...I fount dis on trail...and I thought they'd be
interesting...Maybe we can stick-em in the Hash-Shit...., Huh?....Well my
thoughts (Bah-Knee's, i.e.) are that never make suggestions unless you're
prepared for them to backfire on ewes....Huh? Dok-Tor Wang....Huh?..... "SOY-KUL UP" da RA screams in our
ears...after a much interesting trail had finally taken us...to the
"B" up & near da end of Lee Trevino, and Northloop some
freaking where...."SOY-KUL UP"....Hares...Who in your
unquestionable half-minds is dis week's recipient of da weekly “Flying Fickle
Finger of Fate, and HashShit Award", Dok-Tor Wang!!! Ha! Ah-Ha! Told
ewes Wang...should've kept your Skivvies on....FRB....again...somebody
didn't, "Wakes Me When It's Over". Actually...the week's
Bee-aah Bitch, should've been nominated for Hash-Shit, and the Darwin Award
for stealing the RA's appropriated can of puke "Fosters Bee-aah",
and risking getting kilt too(s)....Excommunicated member of the BJH3 and now
monk follower of the EPH3 received a 25 Hash Patch...."69"
Voi-Gens...and our favorite and finally "Blond Shell Bomb
Half-Mind" Da also Bee-U-Tee-Ful "Bi-Da-Numbers" as DFL...who
half-mindedly finally made it to the "B" after calling Bah-Knee
guzzillion times on her cell (technology on trail)....to find out
half-mindedly where da "B" was....which is all you needs to Hash...wif da
EPH3.... This
is Groping Bah-Knee signing off.. On-On... C-Ewes
next week.. Next
Hash
EPH3 Commentary for Sunday Mar 16th - Da Swiiish-Swooosh Hash Swissssssh,
Oooossshhh…Swooooosh , iiisshh!!!…Shhhiisss s…Oooh
Shit!!…And sooo, they call da winds “Mariah”…and so do they every udder girl
here in dis town tooo!…(Maria Guadalupe, Maria
Dolores, Maria Twatt Rott, and of course Maria Clitigation) Mann, oh Mann…Did
you guys see dat Cow flying bye?? How about dat little Chevy Geo with
the peeps still in it??…Needless to say EPH3, Da Winds were challenging, and
I don’t mean a few Hashers having a lactose in-tolerant day, but simply Mutha
Nature having a little Gas herself, which is the noim dis time of year in El
Pisso, and seemed like a real piss-sah…Well? Maybe not the noim completely,
yet a little Swoosh & Swish, did not deter EPH3’s die-hards…in having
attended Sundays weekly family re-union…Now there was also some issues in a
changing over to a 4-issh start time, and a little confusion with Point
“A” which “Eees” the Noim with EPH3, butt were quickly stifled by one of our
Fearless Leaders in having grabbed the Bull by the Horns…and E-rectified
the matter “mosh-kosh rickee-tic”; Hmmm? Was
dem it’s Horns he grabbed eeet from…well it was
somewhere, or a reasonable facsimile…Now Hoser says: quote: “Well--let's hope everyone goes to the CORRECT Valley
Feed Store--So it's the one at 368, I repeat 368, and not 328. Shoooot…Who
knew there were 2 Valley Feed Stores on Yarbrough a block apart!!. Good thing we changed it for poor ole Corky. “ Tanks Hoser…this was directional, and
inspirational… Point “A” mind you….at 368 Yarbrough (Valley Feed
Store)…is a stretch away from our usual…WestSide events…however, it still
toined out to be a Nice Hash…all 6 hours, and 36 minutes of eeet, tracking
thru the greater lower valley. May I say…dat perhaps…our weekends
Hare’s (Facedown & Spreadum, and H2Ho…his
Bee-U-Tee-Ful Shagging Potnah) were perhaps a tad overzealous…”A Tad” !!!!
Freaking Fracking Fre^@$$#*$&ing, what the F&*(%^@%^#^CK! ! (s) wrong wit you guys…having
us track all over da woild…Shoot!! Somebody please take dem chaulk sticks,
and splooge away from dem two(s)…until they find demselves back into grace
with EPH3. Yikes no more Haring for dem 2s’ until they reconsider and
understand what A nice jaunt for fun….on a Sunday really means… Anyway…most
of the regulars were on hand, cept a few…but more importantly were our
esteemed Voigens, and visiting Hashers, Hailing from the Santa Barbara,
CA Hash House Harriers, was “Princess Blowjob” an exceptional Hasher in
finding trail…Mostly FRBied the whole trail….Also, were BJ’s H3…”Racing
Stripes, and his ???? Hmmm? don’t know exactly,
Friend, Shagging Pot-nah, confidant?.. .”Itchy-Scratchy”…she could find trail
2’s…Mostly led alongside da udder two visitors….but the poy-sun that
absolutely stole the show…Was “Nun-Udder” than Twatt-Rott’s Voi-Gen….”Just
Nancy”….whoa!!…VAVA - Except
for Hoser’s Priceless event…which must go on the books alongside his “You’re
not Number 1……Duh! What Now” fiasco….The recipient of the “Weekly Fickle
Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award” was visting Hasher….Itchy-
Scratchy”…Shoot I don’t remember why…point is it wasn’t me!....DFL…Twatt-
Rott…for “Babysitting da Boo-Tee” her sponsored Voi-Gen having walked minus
her shoes…and so on was “Just Nancy”, FRB…had to have been visiting Hasher…
Princess Blowjob”….Udder Hashers on hand….The Power of Cock Compels You”,
Hand Job Haly, Pony Pumper minus Paquito, Dee-De-Deee! Himself Mr. Corky
himself, and his shagging Pot-Nah “The Price is right”, And so
the evening was finished off by our own Half-Wit “Corky”…as he gently rubbed
Hoser and gently whispered…Ooomph! ….Ooomph…Hoser… Oooomph, you want some
Cheetos?.It’s alright…wake up Hoser?? As he
half-mindedly tried to wake Hoser from his Traumatic, Catatonic Half-State of
mind…having experienced a visual poi-fect “Boo-Tee” half-eeen slipped from
his Half-witted hands…which really is all you Need to Hash with the El Paso
Hash House Harriers…….. Well Folks this is Bah-Knee signing off…till next
week….On-On!! ! Upcoming
Schedule: to
be announced
Welcome EPH3 2/23/2008
“Dee-De-Dee!!” “Dee-De-Dee!!” Hey Corky, R-U??….”dee-de-reee”!! Hmmm? Guess his On…Shooot!...He don’t need a whistle…Just follow the “Dee-De-Reee’s”…. Now, now…Corky stop trying to bite your Ear…and look for trail…”Omn-Kay, Omn-kay” says Corky… Folks EPH3..has taken a new leap & bound….and has become instrumental in the advancement of edumacation….by mainstreaming…da less fortunate in learning….Let’s see…Wif have Perfesser Limp Limb da Lecturer, a Dyslexic dcotro Nwag, “Ooops” Doktor Wang”…who sees Checking(s), and Harrows upside down and thus ends up going the wrong way….and also our favorite mainstreamed special hasher “Corky-da-Retard” and his faithful caretaker, “Da Price is Right”…”Omnph Price Eees, Omnph Right” Corky mutters …Okay now Corky let’s settle down, put your tongue back in, and keep finding trail for us.”Omnph-Kay” says Corky!! Now where else would EPH3 feel right at home…finding trail, and finding trail, and finding more trail, On-On, and finding more trail.…if not in the scenic Upper Valley/Country Club area?? …Da Hare(s)…Porta John, and Wake Me Wen Eeet’s Over minus stickum-lickum Poncho Pony’s Pot-Nah, and also the Bee-U-Tee-Ful High-End-Erection, gladly hosted all arriving…A familiar Point “A” at da Soy-kul “K” pah-keen lot on da corner of Upper Valley, and Country Club Road…An outstanding crowd was on-hand...thoisty for a frosty beverage, and no sign of the days BierMeister’s or his ETA, nonetheless, all were ready to snare the hares……Finally, splooge is flying in the air, eyelashes batting away white flour dust…and the Hares are out!!…Voi-Gens..in da center..screams a soon to depart GrandMaster…Mr. Peter’s Out… “Dee-De-Ree”..cries out Corky…”I want to, I want to”…”be a Voi-Gen – Omph, Omph!!”...Now, now Corky..Let Mr. Peter’s out finish his talk…and again put your tongue back in your mouth, …You’re slobbering…”Hey Price ees Right”…clean him up will you??” Now Corky…you can’t be a Voi-Gen...Omph Why? Asks Corky?...cause remember why you have Price eees Right?..Omph…Oh yeah, Omph!...She plays Milk and Cookies wif me, Omph…Eye likes eeet…Omph…It’s fun…and I feel tingly afterwards, Omph…Well Corky dats why…you can’t be a Voi-Gen…Bak-knee patiently explains to Corky...immediately following wif a good, and loud slap upside his head….”Head!!” who said “Head”!! Aaarghhh…Nevermind…Moving on…Walking!!!…The cry is hoid…and so da “Hoid” commences walking…Mooooo, Mooooo!...On-On…and Soooo..da GropeMeister himself commenceseses looking for trail….Bah-Knee went dis-a-way, and dat-a-way! Up da river, down da river…acutely observant of where da freaking-fracking current FRB-er is heading towards….”there was da “C” which meant da fantabulous “Clitigation” had left her mahk…and than dare was an “RLS”…Whoa!! Now dis could be not well…slowly woiking himself back from problemo-cumming syndrome is Red Light Special who is notorious for zenning da wrong way…and than dare was “ROTC” and his trainee voi-gen! Freaking-fracking speedstas…same a Just Tracey now known as “Balls-in-Hand” which I’ll esplane later Lucy!!….. So finally…Da GropeMeister figured out a plan of attack….Dare goes “Bi-da-Numbers” hmmmm? No Ssheeet Sherlock…2+2=da “B”…Okay as a matter of unlogical deduction…1/2 of da Hares is Porta? Right…follow me EPH3…Porta’s shagging Pot-Nah…is “Bi-da-Numbers”…So..Bah-Knee catches up to Bi-da-#s’ and commences his best line…which was/is; Okay Bi-da-#s’” where’s da “B”…as he grabbed “Bi” in a vicious headlock…Give eeet up!!...and “Bi” says annoyed….”Bah-Knee!! Let me go!! B-4 ewes pisseseses me off…and I sic Hoser on ewes, and than I’ll pounce and kick ewes in the Nut-Sa-Rooos (Family Jewels) till ewe you cry…..Okay…Okay…”Bi” c-mon give eeet up….Wellll!! Bah-Knee just be quiet and follow me…and so the adventure began …Soooo finally cumming up on Marwood Park…We “C”…Just Craig…going in, cumming out in sum neighborhood…lost bigger than “Ssssheeet”…Guys, Guys??? I’m lost…can’t find trail…Ewes guys On??...Just Craig…Just follow me…Da Expert Trail finder..of course Bah-Knees’ showing off…Just follow us we’ll get ewes dare…and sooo “Bi”
looks over to Bah-Knee with dat “Bah-Knee ewe Dink” look on her face….. Soy-Kul…Up!!!….and sooo we re-cap da major events in the Soy-kul….this week’s FRB awardee & “Holy Sssheeet miracle woiker” Red Light Special zenned himself to da “B”….Da weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Ssssheeet Award” to Doktor Wang....Dyslexic sufferer in that he read upside down checks, and split trails, went da wrong way, and took half da pack wif him. DFL!! DFL!!..periodic problemo cummer Quantum Queerie….Poi-ma-nent..AutoHasher, and Bee-Aaahh Bitch…Slutty White Trash…Honorary Down-downs for Peter Out’s fruits of his Loins…”MiniMistress, and Cums when he Pleases” who will be leaving wif dare fodder…Peter’s Out, and Mom…Aaahhh Yes…Naming Cum-Tee-Tees…foimed and Hashed out…da poi-fect call names for Just Tracey…who is now known as “Balls in Hand”…and also Just Haley ….who is now known as “Hand Job Daly” Hmmm?...Bah-Knee likes “Hand Job Daly” whoa!!!...Any continuing Voi-Gens on hand Just Rachel…hmmm? Wonder if shes cumming back, and also “Just Steve”…nu category….Attends only On-Afters…Da Perfesser Limp-Limb…and da rest of the unmentionables….(Mua) Groping Bah-Knee, the Fantabulous “Clitigation”, Ms. Rectal Monitor…minus a Hula….”Rolled over touched Cock”….Who Dat???...and finally Half-Fast Nut Nipper, Pony Pumper, and Pony’s Tail…(Paquito)…all dis-respectable and well established EPH3 Half-Minds…which, whom, and all dat is need to Hash wif da EPH3….”Dee-De-Reee!!!”…Okay Corky…Put your tongue back in your mouth…and stop trying to bite your ear!!...Omph Okay…Bah-Knee!!...Dee-De-Reee….Dis is Bah-Knee signing off… On-On!!
Next Hash
3-2-2008 Sunday 3pm...Hare(s) Groping Bah-Knee, and Corky da Retard...Point "A" is at Montwood & Lee Trevino...Pah-keen lot of Carls Jr.
EPH3 Sunday the 17th Okay…so dare da
GropeMeister is, was, is at Point “A” La Calle O’Dark Bee-aahh, no Cheetos). An soooo Bah-Knee risking all, almost
having been da “DFL” himself, decided to be chee-val-rous, and played
“noyse-maid” to two, 2, dos, twi…1+1=2, seasoned Hashers….Bi-Da-Numbers (dat
wasn’t to bad), and da enviable, da one only, hailing from da
“Guys-Know-Cows-Logist Clinic in the Greater Northeast” headed by his “fellow
facecian/ous” Doktor Vinnie Boom-Bah,…Doktor Wang-Dang-Doo!...whom Bar-Knee
was thankful for…cause he ended up da “DFL”, “DFL”, “DFL” “Yes he did”…Yea!!
For Her Doktor Wang….Okay….well enuff of dis ranting, let’s capsize…da
hoe…darn scenario….RA (Religious Advisor for short)…take it
away….FRB…shooot…I don’t know…guess it was Hoser simultaneously
AutoHashin…dats…why da dink was FRB and foist….suddenly again “he did it”…
”Zap! Splat!..Pow! Wow-ee-Guzowee!” Holy Bear Fur,
Bad-Mann! Hoser, Ewe Dink…why did you hit me (again)?? Bah-knee asks with a another slight tear in his eye…Ewe big Dink! Cause U-was dare
Bah-Knee…Cause U-was dare…and da Hoser needs abuse practice!! The weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate,
and Hashit Award” went to old-cummer now…”Wake me wen eeet’s over”…Why? Cause
“He did it”…Cums da Fart-Test…(from Nebraka in On-On….Groping
Bah-Knee signing out… Next Hash...
@ Circle K Pah-Keen Lot...Hare Porta John... EPH3 20th
Anniversary of Da Founding of the El Paso H3 Ooohh Sssshit!! I says to myself!….Did I
git-nuff “Bee-aahh, &
Cheetos”!…”Eye don’t tink Sooooo” …OMG…Everybody’s here…you’d tink we was handing
out government cheese, and powdered milk…although the powdered milk would cum in handy to lay
trail (splooge)…I’ve never seen so many “Dombligos” in one
spot..B-4…pertaining to an outing wif da EPH3,
i.e.…Hmmm?..Why? Need we be sur prised?…Of course not! We are the hottest Party in town on a Sunday afternoon; especially wif
GrandMaster Peter’s Out laying trail…(doe he is notorious for laying
marathons; Yikes ) Hey Bah-Knee?
Hooose gots the sign-up sheets?…”Hoser” yells at
me…Here they are, Hoser!...Did ewe Git-nuff Bee-ahh?…Hoser asks…Don’t know
yet! “Hey Bah-Knee, Bah-Knee,
Baaahhh-Kneee”? “Hey-Bah-Knee” WHAT!!! WHAT!!! What Hoser? This is a nice Point “A” huh? (Westwind at Next Hash...??
AutoZone Pah-Keen Lot off
UTEP EPH3 Sunday da Toid (3rd) of February “Super Bowl
Hash” 2) Then, on the 17th - A desert hash near the
Santa Teresa airport. 3) Lastly, any interest in a Saturday night
special? Maybe Sat. March 1? Otherwise it would have to
be Feb. 16th. A little pub crawl/party kind of thing?
Location TBA. It's for a special occasion I need to keep
secret for now. EPH3 Sunday January 27th, "Dog Pound
Hash" Now you've all hoid of the term “Dog Pound”...and
I don't mean the Hot Dog place with the Chili-Cheese Fries, and the
complimentary Angio-Plastic Device...they give you to un-clog your arteries
right after a meal....I'm referring to Sunday's Hash, which gave a hoe new
meaning to the Phrase, again "Dog Pound"......I've never seen so many
Dogs...in one place,...except for around my old childhood neighborhood...
when this old mutt bitch, my neighbor owned, use to cum into heat noi-mally
around the summer ...Then we'd have dogs come in from as far as the West
Side, Clint, Fabens, Canutillo...Hmmm? Sounds like our Hash now, Huh??? ....
Yikes!!...OMG...EPH3 better be careful or it's going to known as the "H3
for Wayward Dogs" Hash... Just bring a Collar...will be our motto...for
either your K-9..or one of our Bee-U-Tee-Full
Harriettes...Doh!!! Point
"A" a familiar spot...not far and perhaps a shouting
distance...from what da Porta..calls da
Crossroads...No scheduled Hare was on-hand...So the Porta being the Big-Guy
and Sports fan that he is, volunteered himself, and problemo cummer...Limp
Limb...and pulled a pick-up,...and layed one on us...It was good too! We was all over the place…We was here, We
was dare….We was everywhere!!..Now, da foist
pooch…that started on everyone…was Hula, aka, “Limp-Limbs litte Wiener”..go figure huh?..well she
started bah-keen away..soon as Hares were out…So I
says to the Dashhund..Hey..Lighten up wif the
incessant Bah-Keen..or we might just decide to soive
you up…wif some chili-cheese fries…Bar-Ba-Coa..(Bar-be-cue dog)…we’ll just
call her Wa-Wow-Coa!! Woof! How’s dat??… Now Let’s “C” on hand was “Slutty White
Trash” who is notoriously known the woild over as, ...AutoHashin aficionado,
and permanent “Beer Bee-ahh-sshh”. She also had sum-ah over-pampered pooch
wif her too!...and I don’t mean the package checked
poochee…Hers ”Looked like a Boxer”..The dog…i.e….da dog I say…Continuing On:
Udder Bow-Wow Parents…are recent new cummers…well maybe…not necessarily new
to cumming, could probably teach us (EPH3) a few new Kuma-Sutra positions…No,
No…Nu-cummers to the Hash…Newly Named...after a consensus from the naming
cum-tee-tee…Just Melissa is now and forever shall be known as
“High-End-Erections, or Erector”, and her cumming Pot-Nah…Just Pee-Tah (a
zen-master in training aka lost bigger than shit)…probably will be named,
next week…along with their mutt (Bow-wow)…Just Poncho.. Shssssh! Nobody say
nut-teen…but I think Just Poncho…the Mutt…is got a little sum-teen going on
wif Pony-Pumpers “Pony Tail” also known as “Paquito”…Mostly just alotta dry
humping going on. You could faintly hear Paquito bar-keen saying; Let me show
ewes…what “Alpha” Dog really means….toin-around…But really it was no problem,
cause “Paquito”s been Nipped…Neutered, da tenticles do not descend…as TR
(Twatt-Rott) at one time might have described it…Ohh!! Just Paquito gave us
some scare…too…seems he decided to relief himself in the “B” and Beer
truck…Whew!!! Mann…what a “Biological Hazard”. It smelled like “Ain’t Jack Shit” was back
in town, and Hashing wif us again. Yeah…Paquito was proud though…both for that
big prize…he left in the truck, and also, seeing his blaster master Pony
Pumper the dis-honorable recipient of the FRB, and weekly “Flying Fickle
Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Awards”…Yea!!! Woo-Hooo Pony,
and Paquito…. Religious Advisor
screams….Limp Limb in the Soy-Kul…we proudly also award ewe…A patch…Rectal
where are Ewes…Not that kind of Patch. He’s already had dat one…A “300 Hash”
Patch…Yea!!! Limp-Limb…Perfesser Limp Limb to ewes all…Ooooh…Ooooh, Before I
fergit…DFL, DFL!!...Was eet Rectal, or LollyGaggin Works-da-Meat…it was a
photo finish folks…both went to the soy-kul anyway. Oh…Yeah, yeah, Yea…We had a Voi-Gen…Sum
speedster Named Just “Tracey”…Mann She could fly…So the
GropeMeister caught up to her at a checking and kicked in the chin…just to
slow her down…”Just Tracey quit running so fast”…You’re making Porta look
bad…..Hopefully she’ll be back next week….Hmmm? I don’t know…Paquito was
looking at her too…with dat kinda “dry humping look” he gets……And so dare you
have eeet…folks…only one missing this week was da Hose Handler Monster…who is
said to be recovering from a Paquito Dry Humping Attack…and almost gaining
his full mind…whew, not quite though…He Half-mind is still in-tac…which is
all you need to Hash..with the EPH3 “Dog Pound and Home for Wayward Dogs”… On-On… Groping
Bar-Knee Next week – Mardi Gras theme, Super Bowl finish,
virgin lay for High End. Point A – Git this damn thing out timely, busybody. EPH3 The Woyald's Greatest Magic show…Tan-tan-TAN!....Now you see them, Now you don't…Was the theme for the
afternoon…involving EPH3s' running activities.. Yikes - Ooooops!...did da
Bah-knee say running…ex-cu-se-mua~!....I meant Hashing…Hashing...Also it has
been suggested that a petition to order a Re-Naming committee be considered
on behalf of Whacks-Off-Vinnie….Seems Da Vinnie, managed to break out of his
shell and inspired a reconsideration to rename him “Corey Powers” This to be
esplaned later…Now the Hares, “Works-da-Meat, and da Vivacious, now you see
her, now you don’t “Clitigation” laid a good dead trail…Hmmm? Is it possible
to have those two..together…in the same sentence…No,
No…Not WDM, and Clitigation…I mean “Dead, Lay”…Well perhaps fodder for
another discussion some udder time, right “TR”. It had been awhile since the EPH3….had been
out on that side of our beautiful city, NorthEast, EP, …also not risking
running into BJH3 old marks…Point “A”…couldn’t have been a better place to have
begun…Lowes Pah-Keen Lot…Chaulk was without mention…although perhaps, Hoser,
should’ve been more attentive…considering he was the foist one….to have
pulled a “Clitigation” move…Now you seem dem, Now you don’t”…The Great
Carmac, Hoser, and Clitigation”…are expert shape-shifters…cause EPH3 never
saw them again…after the foist check…I figured Hoser..probably
had the skinny on where “B” was gonna “B”…to no avail…that wasn’t the
case….So dares we were – going dis way and dat away…through Kenworthy, On-On Groping Bah-Knee.. Next Hash EPH3 Sunday December Twenty-Toid (23rd)…Christmas Hash On
Donner, On
EPH3 On-On Sunday
Release
Da Dogs of War! Came the Cry, and would've probably been a good theme for
Sunday's Hash….All there agree that Mr. Equinos Pumpus', aka, Pony Pumper's
favorite Pooch…Pony Tail, aka, Paquito, was keeping in step…with da Pumpers
acts of activity…No leg was safe on Sunday, and the only one "getting a
Shot of Leg, was Paquito (Drats) Dat notorious fur shredding dry humping
canine scoundrel….No, No…Not Hoser or Bah-Knee….Paquito, Paquito (Pony's Tail).
EPH3 could have easily fallen into a name change nomination, Whew!!!! With
close, and a likely prospect for EPH3's to have been re-named to "Da
Humpin Hash", Yikes!!! Led by non-other than
"Paquito"…."Leash, Leash…Please! Somebody get
a Leash"…Wait a minute, Hold da Phone…Hold Da Phone!!...I hoid somewhere
dat Paquito's Din-Ga-Lin-Gees were and had already been Nipped…."I know,
lets ask, "Nut-Nipper"….Oh!..Guess
not…Seeing as though "Nut-Nipper" is a Problemo Cummer…Nut Nipper,
I hoid the Cowboys also got their Nut's Nipped this past weekend by the
Eagles….Well with everything said…seems dat Just Poncho (Voigens Peter, &
Melissa’s udder Pooch) got the best of it…Hmmm? If you can call it
dat…Anybody? Anybody?...Getting a dry hump from Paquito, would dat be considered
“getting the best of it”…Hmmmm, I don’t know about dat…And Sooooo the
Religious Advisor led us on a hearty rendition of a EPH3 favorite dedicated
to Paquito…..Take it away Porta da RA…."Scrotum, Scrotum"
S-C-R-O-T-U-M "Scrotum, Scrotum" Hmmmm-hmmmmm!....I guess Pancho,
"Da-Udder-Poooch"…kind was dragging his tail after the Hash…and on
the way home… NExt Hash... Redd...Hare
is Hoser..PotLuck Afterwoids...Bring Sum-Teen to Eeet !!
EPH3...
Heinous, Heinous accusation that was imparted on the GropeMeister....EPH3 hear me!...Cum to my defense!...The Bah-Knee was accused of having Pre-Layed Sunday's Hash trail.....A trail that was scenic, well-planned...just the right distance & time...with an Outstanding, and a Virtuous Scenic view of the greater lower valley...carefully staged at the Bier-Check...How cruel a game...EPH3 has played on the Bah-Knee...But, I say "Release the Dogs of War!"...I will fight, tooth & nail...to defend my Dis-Honored bad name...Yes...EPH3...Next time da GropeMeister teams up with the "Works-da-Meat", you will all pay... vicously...for dat slight, & slander to defenseless Hare(s)....I want to (or a) "Sue", huh?....Who doesn't 36-24-36...yep...Yikes...I mean a want to bring suit... and I need a litigitous defender of the faith to cum to my aid... Where are you, Oh.Clitigation!!...Cum, I will help ewe...to cum (pause) to my aid...I'll bring a few aids too!...Bada-Bing, Bada-Boom... Anyway...Eh!...Cum on guys...Sundays Hash trail wasn't to bad.. I did doe, pull that one out of my old trails bag...except dat my mis-fortune was sum of ewes remembered the trail...Oooops, anyway...Having started out at, a now defunct "Bull Dogs & Englishman" Pub, Point "A" wasn't out in the boonies as most thought, and very accessible...the highlight of it all...is we had to stall da start till Hose-Monster made it in...with a flat tire...Boy, now dats dedication...flat tire et all, and he still makes da chaulk talk.. Porta was a real sport...although I think he scouted most of it before-hand...and than FRBeed the whole way...Carefully eyeing back, and making sure...Da Bee-U-Tee-Full "Bi-da-Numbers" didn't go astray towards "Vista Del Sol" again!!.... A close behind, Now....I tink... that da Weekly Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award, was maligningly (did I spell dat right?) bestowed on the Twatt-Rott...a recent regular now... hmmm...guess lots of fiber now.. Well, TR, has now made it to at least two Hashes, go figure, and of course EPH3 will not forgive her cumming problemo violations...sooooo, how else, but to punish a denouncer if not by awarding of the Hashit...You got it dear...in the Soykul for TR...no problem for TR...she sucked dem suds up...without a blink... TR swallows well EPH3...a real sport, didn't even spit a drop out! Yeah!!!...Actually, it should've and would've been a two-some, considering Mr. Nut-Nipper is on a moratorium from his Cowboys adoration and efforts to turn the whole Cowboys thang into a cult worship religion thang...I suppose that in this town...it wouldn't be hard...except dat most "cowboys cult" worshippers are fickle and easily turn, when they lose a game...or one of the players again becomes a convicted felon....We'll just call the Cowboys Cult guys "CC's"...Yep, dat we will...and will be happy dat the Nut Nipper made it in...He was sucking wind doe!...Hoid him say....Hey Bah-Knee...how much fodder is this trail?...Whoa...I'm hoiting, and trying to catch my breath....Just a little bit longer...Which is something I always get told from some of the Harriettess...in the Hash....Well seems dat Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo was impressed with da view...at the Bier Check....Bi-Da-Numbers decided to tie her shoe...Whoa...Ooooops sorry Porta...Nah, Nah!! He was impressed with the view of the Valley....also my Beer Bottle opening skills...Just call me Snaggle Tooth...Pop!!!...So again folks...I'll C-Ewes all in court ...You bunch of Half-Minds....which is only thang expected, and needed to Hash with EPH3...On-On!!!!
Bah-Knee!!
And Porta says: Next Run !!! sunday,sunday,sunday.......12.10.07......
EPH3…Sunday Nov 25th.. Hoser, as he was changing his clothes (yikes!!), in 37 degree weather…in the middle of Memorial Park’s Library Pah-keen Lot (Point A) glee-fully sang to us all - - “Don’t you wish your Boyfriend was Hot like me!” - “Don’t you wish your Boyfriend was Hot like me!”..and another short rendition of: “I’m too Sexy for the Hash, too Sexy for my Clothes, too Sexy for dis Chaulk…hmmm, hmmm, on the Cat-Walk, on the Cat-Walk!”..Yea-Ah Baby!!!… Guys, Guys…Whoa!!…EPH3 problemo cummers…Ewes guys definitely missed a good Hash!...Excellent weather...(Ball-Shrinking Freezin, and Titty Protrusions)..Not even da Brave “Peters Out” would’ve cum out…Not dat he does, anyway. and also lots of Gaeity..with Hoser’s singing and all…And Sum-ah Booty Shakin too….We all knew it was going to be a good Hash when Hoser made his “Mom”, Yes! Did I stutter?...Nah!…Yes, made his Mother...get up from her soft woim Sofa, put on a Parkah, and made her drive him back to the “A”...where we was…after he’d hidden the “B” truck somewhere out there, in-con-spic-u-ous-ly, “thup, thup” Sorry folks had to spit that particular woid out…Yep! Bah-Knee knows a few fancy-smancy woids…..Anyway…The crowd gatherered…and it was On-On!! Hare out…and his usual head-start…2 minutes, and 10 seconds this time…Bah-Knee tried keeping everyone Honest…and attempted to stall everyone for the usual, 12 minutes on, and 3 walking…But Nah, NAH!!! Nobody listens to Bah-Knee…So Bah-Knee took off running, finding trail and keeping close sights on his favorite view Clitigation who is pure Motivation, kept FR-Beeen all the way…Ah…yes…We probably are going to have to staple “Clits” Red baseball cap on…cause…Shooot! She continually kept dropping the hat along trail…and every time she dropped it…it felt like some stadium game…and there was a penalty..so the GropeMeister..would have to stop..and…listen for a penalty call…”Guess it was Pav-Lov conditioning or sum-teen”… Guess what? Yeah Guess!!, Okay…I’ll tell ewes all…TR..showed up!...Yeah “TR”. Dats “Twat Rott” for short…oooops…I mean TR is short for “Twatt-Rott”…Yep, aside from “Clitigation”, and da Porta “J”…she was FR-Beeen “2”, dat means, also!..Although she was out of practice…she didn’t get da honors..Next time we’ll On-Her her…We’ll be On-her, and Off-her...LOL…Bada-Bing-Bada-Boom…Sorry folks had to throw dat one in. Now the Hare…who was Hoser minus his co-hare, HagFag, who never showed up and will probably be an excellent candidate for the Hash Shit next time he does, laid an excellent Trail…. Now Hoser said it was live…Yeah right!…We could tell…when he managed to set a Check Back..1,936 (not really, it was 17)..to a split that became our checking…on to the railroad tracks…Railroad? Hmmm? Now railroad tracks usually means dat there is a Train usually not to far away…. Bah-Knee is going to send his “Shoits Laundry” to Strawberry Short Dick…cause he thought it was funny pulling a similar “Ditch-Da-Bitch” ploy, by playing “chee-kun” with the Train dat did manage to cum by…So Strawberry..is there daring us all to try getting on the train as it goes by traveling at about a guzzillion miles an hour...Da Bah-Knee is dare looking trying to stay warm, and pretending not to Freak-Dicky out!!!...Cut that out Strawberry!! Quit screwing around with the train…is what the GropeMeister says…needless to say…Strawberry left a chaulk indentation of himself at the crossing, and rightfully so, earned himself the “Weekly Flying Fickle Finger, and Hash Shit Award” for Darwinism, attempting to Play tag with a 2 mile train…Ditch-da-Bith, is the only one who applauded during the awarding of the Hash Shit!!! Go figure? Now in Central…how many “holes-in-da-wall” would ewes guys figure there are, besides, the outright obvious countable street corner ones dat are visible…Well the Hare managed to find all of them…and almost had us On-In to every one…One in particular…which was most notable…(interesting peeps in central) was the Bartender at the Elbo Room …She comes out; let me re-peat dat….”She!!!” comes out, and says, in a deep Baritone…Ewes guys, heees ewes beers… So Works-da-Meat…turns to me, and asked in a whisper…Hey Barn?...Is she a “Thespian? Yeah, I say,… She’s a Thespian alright WDM…She gots dat “Butch” “Acting Part” down pact. So da Thespian…in her baritone voice says…Da Big Bear guy, named Ho-Saw, dat was here be-4 …say ewes guys gotta sing me a Hash Song…So we did….hmmmm, mee-mee, and so we all sang a rendition of “Aaahh Vagina for your breakfast, A Va-g-na for your lunch..a Va-g-na for your dinner it’s munch, munch, munch……..” Needless to say, She, da Thespian Butch poy-sun, liked da song!!…We dranked up…and proceeded out of the Elbo room, to find trail again..and On-Eeened at a few more spots…along the greater 5 points scenic area…Everyone please say, “Tank-Ewes Mr. Porta”…for being in such a hurry FRBeeen…dat he missed the check at the coy-nuh of the Bus Stop…So we only ran around dare abouts…another guzzillion times…Dats alright, except dat the Po-Po (EPPD aka police, cops, fuzz)..kept staring at us.. No worries mates…EPH3 which consisted of the pack being Dr. Wang-Dang-Dooo, Da Bee-U-Tee-Ful…Bi-da-Numbers, TR short 4 Twatt-Rott, Equinus-Pumpus aka Pony Pumper, and his trusty Pony-Tail (Paquito..is his immigrant name), Darwinist “Strawberry Short Dick”, and a few more…were happy to keep on Hashing just to keep Woim…Dis-honors…for FRBeeen went to Mr. Porta, of course he cheated by kicking Clitigation, and Twatt-Rott on the chins before the On-On whistle screeched…DFL..dis-honor…was da Pony family…Mr. Pumper, and Tail wagger himself, aka Paquito…which leads us all appreciate half-wits, half-splits, and Half-minds at the EPH3…On-On da GropeMeister signing off…
P. S. Ah Geez…I gotta mention the Toy-key Puke Hash…which I unfortunately missed…Hares: was “Ditch-Da-Bitch, WDM”, FRB-Rectal Monitor…”Who”???? DFL was Clitigation; No way…say it isn’t So, Clit??? And the On-After was at The Pizza Smorgasborg…Double Daves….Again …Dis is Bah-Knee Signing Out!!
Next Run ??? Maybe Hoser ??.not sure yet...Point "A"...is at near the Corner of "Bob Hope, and Joe Battle (also known as the loop)...Near what used to be Bulldogs & Englishman Pub...Far Eastside! Across from the Socorro SportsPlex Stadium
EPH3…Sunday da 11th of Nov (Pre-Veterans Day Remembrance Celeb) Yep folks…great turnout on Sunday…it was a Who’s Who…of named Hashers…Mann-Oh-Mann….Problemo Cummers were there, Unauthorized Absenteers (UA-AWOL) were there, Dallas Cowboy Worshippers were there... Etc…It wasn’t a roll call for who was there, but for who wasn’t!....To start off the festivities…Vets w/pets…on hand; The GropeMeister, Ain’t Jack Shit, Face Down & Spreadum, also…a former regular EPH3-er….Pipe Cleaner (currently on active duty), and his lovely Shag pot-nure, Mrs. Pipe, Sexual Primate, and a nu-addition to da familia, a little bambino Pipe Cleaner, and finally the ever famous, ever present Dr. 79924, Mr. Nip & Tuck, Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo…hailing from again the “Guys-Know-Cows-Logist” Clinic in the greater Northeast…where Point “A” at Diana & Dyer, the abandoned NorthPark Mall was da start of it all. Da Hare, again, having proven herself was non-udder than our own “Works-Da-Meat and boy did she…she soy-tan-ly did…Da Brisquet was Mah-Ve-Lous, and delicious-seseses “WDM”…A special posthumous tribute….was given to our departed friend & fellow Hasher, Mr. Toothfaire represented by his lovely Short-Shoits former Shag Pot-nure…”Ditch-Da-Bitch” which is one way of doing eeet, although quite permanent…minus her Voi-gen friend Just Juliet…Geez, Chucks……Now…I suspect that Bah-Knee, is going to get Cards, and Letters for this statement…but, it seems dat…Ditch-Da-Bitch decided to play “I dare you all” by scampering across the freeway, she got a thrill, and decided to do it twice, or more???….Oh-No?…With her was another sidekick of the Equinos Pumpus aka Pony Pumper, Quantum Query…who also decided to accompany her… Guys, Guys….does the word “Road-Kill” mean anything to U-all….Toothfairie turned over a couple of times…and if you listened you could hear a faint scream coming down from up dare saying “Hey!….Hey!….Ditch! Stop doeen dat”…One up here, is enough for now!!!! I hate when dat happens…But all is not lost…Woid is Ditch’s voigen is cumming back (Just Juliet), and is going to make sure Ditch doesn’t run off, by securely holding her hand.…Which made the GropeMeister Hap & Pee….A celebrating tribute was also bestowed on our own…Brother…and Fellow Hasher…Mis-Management Extra-Ordinaire…Da-Religious Advisor Mr. Porta John….Seems Da Porta…has accumulated well over “573” Hash Runs…Yikes…talk about not having a “life” but on da udder hand…what else eees dare to do…Dooo-doooo!...Sooooo Congrats Mr. Porta… The
whistle sounds “On-On” and the EPH3’s Hounds are off looking for trail here,
and trail dare….Well marked trail?…Of which the GropeMeister must comment
on….”It was a well-marked trail”…no suprises…clear chaulk all the way,
splooged when appropriate.. Harriettes?? .and no ESP marks. In the lead
after having kicked Porta in the knee, FRB-eeen all da way, da ever-loving
and now holder of a “25 Confoimed” Hash Runs Patch…Ms.Rub-Her-Belly….Ooooooh
Yea!...”Clitigation” “Madden, Madden”…. Again, former EPH3 alumni…hailing from
the state of No-Dick-4-U (ND4U)…minus his Shag-Pot-Nure…Goez Down Ez…Woid is EZ is pushing About 259 on the scale…and getting ready to drop a Pup… Yikes!!!…ND4U kept violating EPH3 protocol by constantly having technology on trail and in the soy-kul.. Yes…Honey-Pooo, Yes-Deereee, Yes EZ…Don’t worry…I’ll be sure to stay out of the Red-Zone in Juarez…And for sure, when I get home…we’ll go get your noi-mal 56 orders of Happy Meals from Mickey D’s, and da Fish Tacos tooo! Ah-Riteee then!!!...Next on our list of hmmmm? Should we call them “Darwin Award Nominees”…I don’t know?…Ewes guys decide….Now when I was in school…Yes, yes…Dah Bah-Knee did get past the sisth-grade…We loined that E=MC2…which in a nutshell…means that matter, i.e., something hard & physical…Harriettes, now – now lets not get excited….Matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time….Which gives opportunity for me to intro my next story….. “Hoser”…Our big fluffy lovable bear guy!! You can’t help but to love him….Geez…Okay…Okay…Bah-knee is not planning to go out and pick curtains with him…just making statements. Now on to our story. Besides being back from protecting us from Fires….Hoser was accused of constant, and habitual whining….about trail marks, as he always does, to distracts us from the Fence Squeezin “Incident”….Please…. Mr. Einstein, and Mr. Darwin esplaine…Seems dat Hoser had a One Round Bout with a fence, and the Fence won….Seems that the Fence…wasn’t going to budge for Hoser trying to squeeze thru an opening about 6 inches wide…with Hoser pushing about 36 inches across…and that’s his Slim side….Yikes!! “He fought the “Fence” and the Fence won, He fought the Fence and the Fence Won!!”….This didn’t go well with Hoser…Seems he had to traverse…back all the way around…to who knows who…before he picked up trail again…and caught up with the Pack… This is definitely up there with Hoser’s version of: “You’re not # 1, you’re number??? Huh?? -1, or -2… Hoser in the Soy-Kul!!!!...Moving on….let’s see…oh yeah….Special shout out to “Butt-O-Finger”…who is departing us for about a year to Korea…Sorry Strawberry!...Hey don’t worry…I got a few candy bar girl-friends I can probably fix you up with…And finally with….let’s see there is “Ms. Cherry-Vanilla, Ms. Candy, Brown Sugar, Betty-Boop Bar”” Alright, here some more newss, that came out in the soy-kul….Yep!! It’s for real. Looks like “Ain’t Jack Shit” is leaving us also…”good riddance” he can drink some other Hashes Beer-Check Beer now!...Ooooops, sorry…did I say that?….Nah! Just kidding “Jack Shit”…we all love you…and you are part of the puzzle just as much as anybody else is….Jack Shit is moving to College Station, Tejas…for awhile…Mr. Real-Estate Baron that he is…gots to take care of sum-ah bid-ness over dare!!...and Finally…which brings us to the Epitome of Half-Mind behavior…Pony’s Pony Tail…was also part of the ‘mita-mente” group…and now I know why…I asked Pony how Pony’s Tail lost most of his tail…I thought it had been cropped..as a puppy….apparently not…Seems Paquito…aka Pony’s Tail had issues…and mostly bit off his tail slowly…a little at a time….There ewes have it folks…”Mita-Mente, or Half-Mind qualifier” which again definitely brings us to agree, that this kind of Half-Mind behavior is also synomous with the Hoser…and all our the other Nutss with EPH3….On-On, Bah-Knee signing off.
EPH3 Next Run
EPH3
Needless to say, that before the Hash was officially over, and
the Pizza was getting cold at the “B”…we had to send out a soich pah-tee…to
find our two (2) stray womens…Now at EPH3 wee don’t have to many womens…so
wees got to take care of the ones we have..until the
next replacement order comes in. Here’s another big “Hint”!! Who at
EPH3 hasn’t figured out where Bah-Knee ends 99.9% of the Hashes he
lays…Anyone?, Anyone?? No Sheeeet!...”B”
is almost always at “Bah-Knees”…Hello? Mac-Fly…Needless to say…The Weekly
Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award was shared by both…of our
illustrious Stepford Womens…Bi-Da-Numbers, and Works-da-Meat….FRB
notoriety…beating out the Porta-Meister…was the one and only “Facedown &
Spreadum” minus…H2-Ho…(hmmm? wonder where she’s at)….DFL again!...Bi, &
Woiks…also on hand…were the Doc of Wang-Dang-Dooo!...Yea Doc!!! …Sooooo to
make up for the SNAFU…Works-Da-Meat volunteered to Lay next week’s
Hash…having proven her Half-Mind status, and dat’s all you need to Hash with
the EPH3….
Take it Away Religious Advisor, Mr. Porta…who says: Sunday!!,Sunday!!,Sunday!!.......11/04/2007......3pm........Northpark
mall......dyer & wren.......works da meat........pot luck
sunday.......bring yer hashin shoes and a good appetite ....and remember if
you have half a mind that's all you need
EPH3 Sunday Oct 28th - "Da Maze Haze Hash"..
Okay folks, for ewes guys that are family oriented...this was a nice Hash to have attended, Sunday’s Hash at the La Union Maize Haze. Da GropeMeister missed Saturdays Tailgate outing….Had to do laundry, and dishes. Although, again Sunday’s had a good crowd on hand with "Peters' Out" as da Hare, it definitely turned out to be an enjoyable outing, family outing, i.e....Of course Peters' Out, had his brood in check starting...with "MOM" inclusive of Da Dude, "Comes when he pleases” age 10", and the epitome of precociousness, the delightful Ms. "MiniMistress, age 9", both of whom were anxiously waiting to woof all the adult Harriers at the Maze Haze. Epic events at the Hash….Well let’s see….It was Pony Pumper’s boithtay…Hap-Pee boith-tay Pony Pumper….You old goat ewe….Oh yeah…Naming committee was also formed up…and we ascertively sent Pony’s Paquito off to smell the surroundings, and get a whiff of the Upper Valley, as opposed to the Lower Valley…So I asked Paquito..afterwoids…sooooo Paquito..does the aroma of udder-low-calities separate from the valley sooth your noives. Than he growled at me, as he licked his chops. Kinda-like Hoser sometimes does… A quick vote was raised, not much debating, which led to now and forever naming of “Paquito” to be known as “Pony’s Tail”…He’s true blue…He’s a Hasher thru & thru. Okay…now what else was exciting …oh yeah!!...Keeping in tune with the canine topic….”Cums when he pleases” ended up in the Dog House, pissing off his Dad..(Peter’s Out”) after he was specifically told…that being a DFL…and not showing up at the designated turtle check, and place after the Hash was officially over…was a “Hare-raising” (pun !) situation.. Mr. Peter’s Out, and Da Mom…had to go back into the Maze Haze a couple of times…whistling their lungs away…trying to get Da Dude to come out of the “cornucopia” of corn stalks, and coax “Comes when he pleases” back to the Start”….Finally he showed up….little sweat on his brow, cool and confident…proudly to display his DFL status, and maybe the Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award, for, Yep! Keeping in Hash Shit spirit….Scaring the “Shit” out of MOM, and Peter’s Out…So we’re off back to the vehicles, anticipating a much needed frosty beverage, and checking to see if Paquito (Pony Tail)..was still in the truck, and hadn’t chased any tires off passing traffic...Oh Yeah…Most will argue…that we at the EPH3…really don’t consider Pony’s Tail…a real dog. He is more like family…kinda-like “Jack Shit” status….Reason I bring this up…is cause…there were no pets allowed in the Maze…we argued, and protested that Paquito…again was more like family…but the staff there was adamant…We also mentioned that if they let “Jack Shit” in…why wouldn’t they let Paquito (Pony’s tail) into the Maze…..It was to no avail. Da Soicle…was short-lived, which was caused by emergency egress procedure drills due to a “La Union Squadron 539” of blood Sucking Mosquitoes, having flown in, dive bombing directly into Harrier veins as they Kamazakied for dinner. So the Religious Advisor, FRB, loving husband and shag partner to Da Bee-U-Tee-Full fair maiden “Bi-da-Numbers”..swung eeet, and swinged eeet very low in a four count beat, and off we were to the On-After where we would enjoy more frosty beverages, delicious sustenance from the “Ay-Caramba” Diabetic Factory (Mexican Food)..Now the chow there really stays with you…Hmmm?...I mean really stays with you!! Like days on end in constipated torture…. At “Aye-Carambas” they will complimentarily give you, instead of mints, a “AngioPlastic Procedure” to clear your arteries of any superfluous animal fat…left over from your meal. What a Deal!...Anyway, there at the restaurant, we was, Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo, mi-self “Bah-Knee”, Da Portas, “Coc-U-Lay-Tor, Jack Shit, The Boith-Tay Boy, Pony, who again left Pony’s Tail in the Truck all sitting along with Peter’s Out, MOM, and da kids….Yea !!!!...So me and Dr. Wang-Dang-Dooo dutifully listened as da delightfully precocious, age 9 going on 32, Ms. Mini-Mistress capped on the major events of the Hash for the day, explained and commented on Hash Doctrine for all of us. She enjoyably munched on her Chee-kun Tenders, and French Fries, occasionally viciously throwing, a Ketchup laden bullet french fry at “Comes when he pleases”, as she screamed, stop it “Andy” don’t touch me…Which would send MOM into a frenzy as she screamed…Guys, Guys!!! Behave…No hitting on the face……Now she remarked, “I think da trail was to short”, don’t you think Dr. Wang…and Wang would answer, Yep!...I think, Jack Shit should’ve gotten the Hash Shit (Mom screams, watch you mouth, Mini)…for both days…I also like our new virgin, Just Juliet..”Oye Ve”, accompanied by the Short-Shoits extradinaire…”Ditch-Da-Bitch”. Also I don’t think “Andy” (Comes when he pleases) should’ve gotten the Hash-Shit, Jack Shit should’ve again…for drinking all the Beer, and not living any for my Dad & Mom…French Fryes again flying in the air, this time, at Porta, Bi-Da-Numbers, and “Coc-U-Lay-Tor”….I think Bah-knee should’ve gotten one of those “dead-beat” awards for being in-conspicous during the whole trail…Another Fry flies thru the Air, this time going to Jack Shit’s direction…and so before finally capsizing the whole Hash…there had been a frenzy of flying fryes, which goes to all agree, that surely Ms. Mini-Mistress, is half-minded and soy-tanly qualifies her to Hash with the EPH3…. On-On EPH3 – Bah-Knee
__________________________________________________
EPH3
Its this way!!
Nah! It’s this way I tell ewes! Anybody gots a flashlight?…Where am I?...Somewhere in a blackhole of the greater
NorthEast El Pisso, between
Well...folks
just some of the interesting excerpts from the now infamous EPH3 Hash Trail
from this past Sunday…This particular Hash definitely must be a nominee for
the woist laid trail of the year, and be registered on the books, along with
some of Hoser’s tall-tale antics. Now the term “Trail” is of course
used loosely…It was going to be Cialis’ foist time…a soon to be defunct
voi-gen lay…but like most situations, the foist time seems to always end up
being shitty…You guys remember your first time?…hmmm? It was in the dark, on
the backseat of your Dad’s Chevy…, a downed six pack, nasty breath,
Geez…member you couldn’t find it guys, and the goils weren’t the
exception…Anyway…Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo..Deee proposed mentor, Co-Hare, and
poi-sonal guide to this virgin lay to be defunct, showed up a Point “A”…EPCC
Transmountain campus…walking like Rumpelstilskin..with his back looking like
a squished paper clip, and maybe an acute touch of Scoleosisessess
(coi-vee-sure of the spine)…Well, it was obvious, he wasn’t going to lay guidance
trail cause he was on the injured list (What a Cowboy fan)…Still, he went on
to talk a good game, and had us all salivating, competing with Pony’s
Paquito…about how good the trail was! Yeah right!..
A good crowd showed up….Clitigation, Clitigation…of whom all you had to do to
keep up with her, was to keep an ear out, for the clinging & clanging of
the Chain of Pain. She proudly carried it for showing off as a previous
FRB’er. She kept mumbling something that sounded like “Madden, Madden! Oh
Madden!...Ooooooh! Madden…I gots to get home for
Madden! It’s been said that if you whisper the Woid “Football” in her ear,
dat’s all you need to get a poi-sonal belly dance, Clitigation Ala-Carte . This week, Porta…in da lead...da whole way,
FRB-eeeen…and getting the pack lost constantly trying to find trail…was the
weekly recipient of the “Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award” and
deservedly so for trying to keep the pack on the up-beat…and Hashing…soives
him right.. No way was this shitty trail was going to be salvaged by a few
inspiring woids from Porta, or the Equinos Pumpus, aka, Pony Pumper.
Pony Pumper, and his loyal “Paquito”…what a sight. Next time I’m following
Paquito marks the hole way. Now I think
“Paquito” gots the right idea…He just kept cruising…looking at Pony solemnly
as you could barely hear him bark “Okay….Which way now Boss”…I’ll follow you
anywhere, but you gots to give me a dog bone…later!... Quantum Query...kept
barking the same thing to Pony the whole way…except for a couple of times when
we lost track of him….Than we hoid a scream….a scream for Quantum…Is that
Quantum running down there on that street…Quantum, come back, this way
Quantum…Don’t walk to the light…Nah, Nah! Quantum, stay away from the
light…We gots to all stay together…A common theme from
“Ditch-da-Bitch”!...Now here’s a story…Whoa!...D-da-B…was ready to linch
someone…particularly… Doc Wang…Get a rope, Git A Rope…She I says…I gots
Voi-Gens...who'll help lynch someone...if there going to put up following no
trail...Shoot if that's the plan, we'll just stay home and watch the Lost
Cowboys game...Same thing, less exertion, which is a common theme witht he
Cowboys. all to hope for another Half-Mind Laid trail by Cialis and the Doc...so we can really string them up.....and that's all you need to Hash with EPH3....
On-On, Bah-Knee, Peace-Out Peeps!!
Next Run! 10-21-2007 Sunday 4pm - Hare: Porta John, & ?maybe "Bi-Da-Numbers". Point
"A" is at the
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