Hash Trash
[Thanks to
Groping Bar-Knee for this week's Hash Trash]
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“Hey Hoser…”…”After dat split, I can’t find trail in this
direction either”….”There’s none that way either”...”Well? Hmmm? says da
Hoser”…”Da only udder way, is dis-a-way, Bah-Knee" "towards da
desert and that “Humongus-eseses Reservoir” … Yikes!! Aaaargghhh!... ”No-Way-Ho-Say!!...Nope, Not!!..."No more
Reservoirs!"…Bah-Knee screams lamenting as he freaks out…”Wait a minute,
Wait-ah-Minuto!!" I got sum chaulk here!!..Hmmm?
“Bah-Knee ponders”…Yep..Yessereee buddy, C-moan
Ese…Let’s C??…One big Soy-kul…and a giant “B” solves da mystery" Yea,
Baby!! Whala!…"Hey Hoser…I fount da “B”..it’s right here where I’m standing…On-On, On-In..Near
Beer…here eeet eees!...No problemo….Hey Hoser? Ewe
tink...da Hare "Works-da-Meat" will mind if the "B" eees
here...Hmm-Nah!...I don't tink she'd decided either...We just helped her out
a little by figuring eeet out for her...Hey Hoser, Hey..dares
“Price is Right” walking dis way…Hey “Price is Right” "Com-C-Hee-ah,
Darleengk"…Here, right here where Bah-Knee eees…Now Deareee…step right
dare…Ah-Yes Gotcha!!!…Hey Hoser,…We gots-us an “FRB”
tooos…It’s da “Price is Right”, and they'll probably git her for AutoHashing
also..…"Bah-Knee...ewes "SCB (Short Cutting Bastard)" Ewes! Hey Hoser?....What Bah-Knee?.."drink
you Bee-aah...I gots to do dis", doo what Bah-Knee? I gots
to finish...the "Hash Trash" while we wait for the
pack...Hmmm? Now where was eye...Oh yeah.... Well
EPH3...eet was another great outing for the El Pisso brood...and we had a
spectacular toin-out...Old-timers, Nu-Timers, Voigens to be named, and foist
timer toos, Nupital Announcements (Price & Corky), Anniversarios
Ala-Carte (Wake me when eeets over, & and his delicious shagging pot-nah,
“P-Wreak-Can) and all kinds of udder "Shit"...Oooops, sorry
folks..Anyway...Ewes coulds find Point "A" wif ur eyes closed...Dyer
@ Tetons at the Sunrise Shopping Area.....Da Hare “Work-Da-Meat”…is perhaps
one of the best Hares @ EPH3...”Why?” You might ask, cause dutifully, she
takes our mainstreamers (intellectually challenged, i.e., “retareds”) into
consideration (Corky, Bah-Knee, Hoser, hmmm? Maybe the RA toos) and lays out
a negotiable trail…except for the Toid-eeen-da-Tunnel-Trap (da triple
Ts’)…anyway…it was a Dead trail…pointing straight to the tunnel entrance at
Chapin High School, via, a few jaunts around scenic ghetto Northeast El
Pisso. Bah-Knee? Why you make this
soooo long…Cum & Finish your Bee-aah; dares a few cheetos left. Okay…Hoser!...Alrightee
dan…Let’s recap…finally after a few bee-aahs…the pack started drifting in
stepping on a Bah-Knee inspired “Point B”..…FRB of course..
Price-Eees-Right…visiting Hasher…Operation Lost Cause, & confusing as it
may…Mastergator who claims North County (San Diego) H3…although most remember
him from hee-ah…..And “Ah-Guillen”…We managed to lose…part of the Peter’s Out
Clan…Seems “MOMs’ maternal instincts kicke in…and she returned herself
wif/brood in tow, back to point “A”…Hmm? Mustah got a wif of da “Triple Three
Danger” i.e. “Toid-een-da-Tunnel Trap”. Da weekly
“Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash”SHIT” award went to nun-udder than
“ROTC” along wif a nu-shoe wif shit..recognition -
Cumming Problemos “C-Alice”..Voigens nu-leee named and forever shall be
knowned Just Rachel “Swallow my Kids”, Just Dave “Fidel
AssBlow”, and Just Jackie “Pubic Nightmare”…Now as the RA came into the
“B”…along wif da Pack…Da Bah-Knee was wondering what that schmell..was…Soooo
Da “RA – Porta John” kept lamenting – “Whoa…Did ewes people “C” dat big
“Toid” een-da Tunnel”…”Who step on eeet?” Apparently da whole half mind pack
did!....Soooo Da Hoser, and da Bah-Knee looks at
each udders…And Gregariously started to laughs again…wif…orange rings around
da mouth from Cheetos.. And a cool buzz..from a
couple of Bee-ahhs…Half-Mind Happiness which is all ewes need To Hash wif da
EPH3 in El Pisso…. On-On
Bah-knee signing off… EPH3 Commentary
"Pre-lubing…and setting Rapport"…( So dare we
was @ the pre-lube juncture...before Hash Time...Da Gropemeister,
oily as usual...and shortly arrived das Hares..."Wake me when it's over,
and his be-loved Pot-Nah..."Poncho da Dog"...and also his udder
be-loved Dog! Doh! Yikes!!.. Oooops, I meant,
his udder beloved "Pussy Rican". Poifect and Bee-U-Tee-Ful afternoon
for a figure "8" trail...Grahams was definitely da place to
start...We conversed, laughed and cried, remenisqued...Da conversations
became a pot-of-us...calmly and continaully batting away those
pesky Bar-Flies...by screaming..."No...I won't buy ewes another beer...ewes ugly bee-aash, wif no teefs" Go away... Yes...again
a wonderfully chosen...piss-on-da-wall establisment...Now..folks
Bah-knee is able to be just as Politically Correct...as da next
"retired salty jarhead with no tact" but sometimes ewes just gots
to call an Ace, and Arce.... Now I
figured…weighing in @ about 375 to 400 lbs…is an understatement….But this
“Gentlemen” and I’m loosely stating – This Gentlemen axes mua
“Bah-knee” while we enjoyed da view on the "Veronda" dare at the Pre-lube
@ Grahams… ”Hey" he says….Soooo ewes guys are a running club, huh?”.."Why do ewes guys Hash (Run)???"…Now
dis he axes me (Bah-Knee)…while he’s chomping on a 2 or 3 pattie Hamburglar,
wif 14 slices of pasteurized cheese, pieces of food still on his mustache,
face brilliantly glowing around his pie-hole from the grease, and as he
chugged on a 64 oz….Mason Jar of Bee-aah! Now how rhetorical…can dis
400 pounder’s question “B”….Well…w/out the GropeMeister even muttering a
woid…I would think Mr. Hamburglar aficionado and medical ailments poster
character would have guessed on the following reasons why we Hash
(Run): Hmmm? Let’s see if he can read minds…Da GropeMeister is tinking,
to stave-away, and deter Hypertension (High Blood Pressure), Diabetes, Grotesque
Obesity, Habitual Plumber’s Crack, Lack of finding clothes that fit…, only
able to wear Moomus in a size XXXXXL, infinite
sandal wearer, cause ewes feets looks like Michelin tires, and no shoes will
fit, Mandatory Celibacy cause no women could possibly stand your ass schmell,
or breath underneath ewes…if ewes got dat close. I was expecting Dr.
Wang-Dang-Dooo, and also recently graduated from Anesthiologist apprenticeship, and now a full Journeyman
Dok-Tor "Wake Me" would have weighed in...on
a few udder reasons why.....to the Big Guy asking why we Hash (Run)..but they was also busy...working up one of
dose...Hamburglars for demselves... Now…Eeen-Cre-Da-Bleee!!..(incredibly)…Bah-Knee…had
a shoit circuit…will probably need to get re-wired, get counseling, and
immediately kept muttering thereafter…..”Ah Bee-Dee, Ah-Bee-Dee, Ah-Bee-Dee”…cause he hoid…”Balls-In-Hand”, as she
sheepishly whispered to our 400 plus lbs Big Guy …”Oooooo! I likes Big Guys
U-know!...batting eyelashes et al., while she
twoiled her twisted-sistah…hair…rocking her un-crossed legs, back &
forth” “Ooooo! Yes (with a lisp)…I really like Big Guys…Well, in the
woids of our favorite Dance Studio Madonna…”Ditch-da-Bitch”…quote: Whatever
blows your Skoit Up!...or….Ooooo, go ahead...Go Ahead
“Mess with my Tutuuuu!!” And there you have eeet folks…another
Half-Mind Moment….Anyways…As you’ve already guessed, Point “A” was an
often Hash watering hole, Piss-on-da-Wall, Da Famous “Grahams”…home to a
Barfly Commune. Soooo
as we're conversing, and Hashers gradually kept arriving...the also
Bee-U-Tee-Ful Clitigation arrives, waving away..to
all...and Bah-Knees tinking, Yea!! we gots us an
FRB...but "Clit" says she's not Hashing..cause..sumteen wasn't right..and not
feeling good...She said that eeet was going in one way...and cumming out da
udder...so I figured.."Hmmm"? Gots to find da "G"
spot...But than she says...that sumtimes also, eeets going & cumming
boat ways...Yikes, Yuks, Eeewww! Now dats kinky...to much venue...for da
GropeMeister....So she waved goodbyes...and said...C-Us' next week...More,
& more Hashers continually arrived, and finally...after Hares Out, &
Chaulk talk...a long figure 8 trail..was in the making...I guess sum-teen was
going around...cause also...Hand Job Haly...while on trail..says to the Groper...Hey Bah-Knee...I feel like
"Hurling"..."Hurling?" Hoiling what?...A
shot-put, an Ex-Boyfriend, dirty skivvies...What?...No you Dink..she says to the Bar-knee...I feel like hurling...Oh!!
Bah-Knee says...Well, foist of all...don't get to close to me, and try to put
your finger in...just do eeet..and
it'll happen...and you'll feel better...Just put the Finger In...Yikes!!!!
Not dare (there) "Hand Job Haly"...in this case not the finger
dare (there)...put eeet in your mouth..in your mouth,
the finger in your mouth...Okay!!...Okay!! I says..."A Finger"..not your whole hand, and part of your arm....although
dats quite admirable...Whoa...Hand Job...you've got talent...Need I
say...that Hand Job Haly earned herself the "The Weekly Flying Fickle
Finger of Fate, and Hash-Shit Award"...for her un-mitigated talent...at
being able shove a whole Hand and Arm into her mouth, mistakenly for a simple
Forefinger...It's no wonder why she's named "Hand Job
Haly"...Huh??? She finally Hoiled tooo....Now Rumor has eet dat da
weeks...FRB was an even tied betweengst...."Dunno (who's Dunno), Porta
John, ROTC, Red Light, Face Down, and who knows who"...DFL and we waited
and waited....Corky da Retard, minus...Price!, and Strawberry Short
Dick...Ah-Ha....Cumming Problemo & Autohasher Phantom Bitch, Slutty White
Trash, Da Power of Cock....Hoser...Hmmm? Hoser...Noooo
Shit...Autohashing...Hoser?.....Udder notables...Visiting Hasher Tazmanian
Devil hailing from the Okinawa H3, on his way to Iraq...be safe and On-On...In
receipt of a EPH3 Bandana...Stawberry, and Hoser "Again in the
news"....Whistle awardee...Just Rachel..."Blew away..all day...cums natural to her". Another Cumming
Problemo...Nut Nipper...(Guess he finally realized
da Cowboys ain't playing no more)....Hap-Pee Boith-Tay...to
Works-Da-Meat...who kept tugging at Bah-Knee's Shoits...Be careful..my dear..the "One-Eyed-Fool" will get
ewes.......Soooo Folks...a great Hash had been Had...at EPH3...all over the
WestSide...courtesy of "Wakes me" "Pussy Rican", and
Half-Mind Hasher "Poncho da Dog"...which is really all you need to
Bar-Fly yourselves to another good weekly trail...Dis is Bah-Knee Signing off
till next week... On-On...Groping
Bar-Knee...
Upcoming Schedule EPH3....The Aaannnd
Soooo! Hashers & Harriettes…"Maestro, drum roll pal-leese!" Da
recipient of dis Year’s Award….all rolled into one, A combination, An array…A
mixture…of both blasphemous violations, and not-noteworthy endeavors…starting
with da not-coveted…”Darwin Award” for scaling an 8 ft. chain-link fence
lined with Barbed Wire on top, and simply jumping off without consideration
of life, limb, and who da hell would have driven “Pussy Rican, & Poncho
da Dog” home…if he’d kilt himself…Also in the mix was FRB, and Lastly…a
strong, very ascertive nomination pledged by Dok-Tor Wang-Dang-Doo, for
the Weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and HashShit Award, for Competition…Yes..Non-udder
than our own “Wake me when it’s Over”….apparently somebody didn’t. is what I think. “Wake Me” was simply anesthised and a
true “Darwinist”…Yea!! Wake Me!... Well
folks (EPH3)…Bah-Knee, i.e., da Groper is back with of course some observations
while on trail, and simply, a much biased opinion…Ewes guys Disagree?...Well
than..”Ph—ck”, Ewes guys write you own shit! It
was a breezy splendid afternoon for Hashing…while EPH3s’ arrived at hee-ahh?....Whistles
blaring...Hey Wang...Herr Dok-Tor Wang! Over hee-ahh!......Sooo
Wang shows up at the Beer Check holding a pair a Racing Striped Skivvy
Underwear..A real nasty pair tooo!...Hey
Wang...what? what? Just finished up a
Gus-Know-Cow-Logist Exam at the clinic, or sumteen? What are ewes, Michael
Jordan's bud-deee..getting free
underwear?...What?...Soooo Wang says...I fount dis on trail...and I thought
they'd be interesting...Maybe we can stick-em in the Hash-Shit....,
Huh?....Well my thoughts (Bah-Knee's, i.e.) are that never make suggestions
unless you're prepared for them to backfire on ewes....Huh? Dok-Tor
Wang....Huh?..... "SOY-KUL UP" da RA
screams in our ears...after a much interesting trail had finally taken
us...to the "B" up & near da end of Lee Trevino, and Northloop
some freaking where...."SOY-KUL UP"....Hares...Who in your
unquestionable half-minds is dis week's recipient of da weekly “Flying Fickle
Finger of Fate, and HashShit Award", Dok-Tor Wang!!! Ha! Ah-Ha! Told
ewes Wang...should've kept your Skivvies on....FRB....again...somebody
didn't, "Wakes Me When It's Over". Actually...the week's
Bee-aah Bitch, should've been nominated for Hash-Shit, and the Darwin Award
for stealing the RA's appropriated can of puke "Fosters Bee-aah",
and risking getting kilt too(s)....Excommunicated member of the BJH3 and now
monk follower of the EPH3 received a 25 Hash Patch...."69"
Voi-Gens...and our favorite and finally "Blond Shell Bomb
Half-Mind" Da also Bee-U-Tee-Ful "Bi-Da-Numbers" as DFL...who
half-mindedly finally made it to the "B" after calling Bah-Knee
guzzillion times on her cell (technology on trail)....to find out
half-mindedly where da "B" was....which is all you needs to Hash...wif da
EPH3.... This
is Groping Bah-Knee signing off.. On-On... C-Ewes
next week.. Next
Hash
EPH3 Commentary for Sunday Mar 16th - Da Swiiish-Swooosh Hash Swissssssh,
Oooossshhh…Swooooosh , iiisshh!!!…Shhhiisss s…Oooh
Shit!!…And sooo, they call da winds “Mariah”…and so do they every udder girl
here in dis town tooo!…(Maria Guadalupe, Maria
Dolores, Maria Twatt Rott, and of course Maria Clitigation) Mann, oh Mann…Did
you guys see dat Cow flying bye?? How about dat little Chevy Geo with
the peeps still in it??…Needless to say EPH3, Da Winds were challenging, and
I don’t mean a few Hashers having a lactose in-tolerant day, but simply Mutha
Nature having a little Gas herself, which is the noim dis time of year in El
Pisso, and seemed like a real piss-sah…Well? Maybe not the noim completely,
yet a little Swoosh & Swish, did not deter EPH3’s die-hards…in having
attended Sundays weekly family re-union…Now there was also some issues in a
changing over to a 4-issh start time, and a little confusion with Point
“A” which “Eees” the Noim with EPH3, butt were quickly stifled by one of our
Fearless Leaders in having grabbed the Bull by the Horns…and E-rectified
the matter “mosh-kosh rickee-tic”; Hmmm? Was
dem it’s Horns he grabbed eeet from…well it was
somewhere, or a reasonable facsimile…Now Hoser says: quote: “Well--let's hope everyone goes to the CORRECT Valley
Feed Store--So it's the one at 368, I repeat 368, and not 328. Shoooot…Who
knew there were 2 Valley Feed Stores on Yarbrough a block apart!!. Good thing we changed it for poor ole Corky. “ Tanks Hoser…this was directional, and
inspirational… Point “A” mind you….at 368 Yarbrough (Valley Feed
Store)…is a stretch away from our usual…WestSide events…however, it still
toined out to be a Nice Hash…all 6 hours, and 36 minutes of eeet, tracking
thru the greater lower valley. May I say…dat perhaps…our weekends
Hare’s (Facedown & Spreadum, and H2Ho…his
Bee-U-Tee-Ful Shagging Potnah) were perhaps a tad overzealous…”A Tad” !!!!
Freaking Fracking Fre^@$$#*$&ing, what the F&*(%^@%^#^CK! ! (s) wrong wit you guys…having
us track all over da woild…Shoot!! Somebody please take dem chaulk sticks,
and splooge away from dem two(s)…until they find demselves back into grace
with EPH3. Yikes no more Haring for dem 2s’ until they reconsider and
understand what A nice jaunt for fun….on a Sunday really means… Anyway…most
of the regulars were on hand, cept a few…but more importantly were our
esteemed Voigens, and visiting Hashers, Hailing from the Santa Barbara,
CA Hash House Harriers, was “Princess Blowjob” an exceptional Hasher in
finding trail…Mostly FRBied the whole trail….Also, were BJ’s H3…”Racing
Stripes, and his ???? Hmmm? don’t know exactly,
Friend, Shagging Pot-nah, confidant?.. .”Itchy-Scratchy”…she could find trail
2’s…Mostly led alongside da udder two visitors….but the poy-sun that
absolutely stole the show…Was “Nun-Udder” than Twatt-Rott’s Voi-Gen….”Just
Nancy”….whoa!!…VAVA - Except
for Hoser’s Priceless event…which must go on the books alongside his “You’re
not Number 1……Duh! What Now” fiasco….The recipient of the “Weekly Fickle
Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award” was visting Hasher….Itchy-
Scratchy”…Shoot I don’t remember why…point is it wasn’t me!....DFL…Twatt-
Rott…for “Babysitting da Boo-Tee” her sponsored Voi-Gen having walked minus
her shoes…and so on was “Just Nancy”, FRB…had to have been visiting Hasher…
Princess Blowjob”….Udder Hashers on hand….The Power of Cock Compels You”,
Hand Job Haly, Pony Pumper minus Paquito, Dee-De-Deee! Himself Mr. Corky
himself, and his shagging Pot-Nah “The Price is right”, And so
the evening was finished off by our own Half-Wit “Corky”…as he gently rubbed
Hoser and gently whispered…Ooomph! ….Ooomph…Hoser… Oooomph, you want some
Cheetos?.It’s alright…wake up Hoser?? As he
half-mindedly tried to wake Hoser from his Traumatic, Catatonic Half-State of
mind…having experienced a visual poi-fect “Boo-Tee” half-eeen slipped from
his Half-witted hands…which really is all you Need to Hash with the El Paso
Hash House Harriers…….. Well Folks this is Bah-Knee signing off…till next
week….On-On!! ! Upcoming
Schedule: to
be announced
Welcome EPH3 2/23/2008
“Dee-De-Dee!!” “Dee-De-Dee!!” Hey Corky, R-U??….”dee-de-reee”!! Hmmm? Guess his On…Shooot!...He don’t need a whistle…Just follow the “Dee-De-Reee’s”…. Now, now…Corky stop trying to bite your Ear…and look for trail…”Omn-Kay, Omn-kay” says Corky… Folks EPH3..has taken a new leap & bound….and has become instrumental in the advancement of edumacation….by mainstreaming…da less fortunate in learning….Let’s see…Wif have Perfesser Limp Limb da Lecturer, a Dyslexic dcotro Nwag, “Ooops” Doktor Wang”…who sees Checking(s), and Harrows upside down and thus ends up going the wrong way….and also our favorite mainstreamed special hasher “Corky-da-Retard” and his faithful caretaker, “Da Price is Right”…”Omnph Price Eees, Omnph Right” Corky mutters …Okay now Corky let’s settle down, put your tongue back in, and keep finding trail for us.”Omnph-Kay” says Corky!! Now where else would EPH3 feel right at home…finding trail, and finding trail, and finding more trail, On-On, and finding more trail.…if not in the scenic Upper Valley/Country Club area?? …Da Hare(s)…Porta John, and Wake Me Wen Eeet’s Over minus stickum-lickum Poncho Pony’s Pot-Nah, and also the Bee-U-Tee-Ful High-End-Erection, gladly hosted all arriving…A familiar Point “A” at da Soy-kul “K” pah-keen lot on da corner of Upper Valley, and Country Club Road…An outstanding crowd was on-hand...thoisty for a frosty beverage, and no sign of the days BierMeister’s or his ETA, nonetheless, all were ready to snare the hares……Finally, splooge is flying in the air, eyelashes batting away white flour dust…and the Hares are out!!…Voi-Gens..in da center..screams a soon to depart GrandMaster…Mr. Peter’s Out… “Dee-De-Ree”..cries out Corky…”I want to, I want to”…”be a Voi-Gen – Omph, Omph!!”...Now, now Corky..Let Mr. Peter’s out finish his talk…and again put your tongue back in your mouth, …You’re slobbering…”Hey Price ees Right”…clean him up will you??” Now Corky…you can’t be a Voi-Gen...Omph Why? Asks Corky?...cause remember why you have Price eees Right?..Omph…Oh yeah, Omph!...She plays Milk and Cookies wif me, Omph…Eye likes eeet…Omph…It’s fun…and I feel tingly afterwards, Omph…Well Corky dats why…you can’t be a Voi-Gen…Bak-knee patiently explains to Corky...immediately following wif a good, and loud slap upside his head….”Head!!” who said “Head”!! Aaarghhh…Nevermind…Moving on…Walking!!!…The cry is hoid…and so da “Hoid” commences walking…Mooooo, Mooooo!...On-On…and Soooo..da GropeMeister himself commenceseses looking for trail….Bah-Knee went dis-a-way, and dat-a-way! Up da river, down da river…acutely observant of where da freaking-fracking current FRB-er is heading towards….”there was da “C” which meant da fantabulous “Clitigation” had left her mahk…and than dare was an “RLS”…Whoa!! Now dis could be not well…slowly woiking himself back from problemo-cumming syndrome is Red Light Special who is notorious for zenning da wrong way…and than dare was “ROTC” and his trainee voi-gen! Freaking-fracking speedstas…same a Just Tracey now known as “Balls-in-Hand” which I’ll esplane later Lucy!!….. So finally…Da GropeMeister figured out a plan of attack….Dare goes “Bi-da-Numbers” hmmmm? No Ssheeet Sherlock…2+2=da “B”…Okay as a matter of unlogical deduction…1/2 of da Hares is Porta? Right…follow me EPH3…Porta’s shagging Pot-Nah…is “Bi-da-Numbers”…So..Bah-Knee catches up to Bi-da-#s’ and commences his best line…which was/is; Okay Bi-da-#s’” where’s da “B”…as he grabbed “Bi” in a vicious headlock…Give eeet up!!...and “Bi” says annoyed….”Bah-Knee!! Let me go!! B-4 ewes pisseseses me off…and I sic Hoser on ewes, and than I’ll pounce and kick ewes in the Nut-Sa-Rooos (Family Jewels) till ewe you cry…..Okay…Okay…”Bi” c-mon give eeet up….Wellll!! Bah-Knee just be quiet and follow me…and so the adventure began …Soooo finally cumming up on Marwood Park…We “C”…Just Craig…going in, cumming out in sum neighborhood…lost bigger than “Ssssheeet”…Guys, Guys??? I’m lost…can’t find trail…Ewes guys On??...Just Craig…Just follow me…Da Expert Trail finder..of course Bah-Knees’ showing off…Just follow us we’ll get ewes dare…and sooo “Bi”
looks over to Bah-Knee with dat “Bah-Knee ewe Dink” look on her face….. Soy-Kul…Up!!!….and sooo we re-cap da major events in the Soy-kul….this week’s FRB awardee & “Holy Sssheeet miracle woiker” Red Light Special zenned himself to da “B”….Da weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Ssssheeet Award” to Doktor Wang....Dyslexic sufferer in that he read upside down checks, and split trails, went da wrong way, and took half da pack wif him. DFL!! DFL!!..periodic problemo cummer Quantum Queerie….Poi-ma-nent..AutoHasher, and Bee-Aaahh Bitch…Slutty White Trash…Honorary Down-downs for Peter Out’s fruits of his Loins…”MiniMistress, and Cums when he Pleases” who will be leaving wif dare fodder…Peter’s Out, and Mom…Aaahhh Yes…Naming Cum-Tee-Tees…foimed and Hashed out…da poi-fect call names for Just Tracey…who is now known as “Balls in Hand”…and also Just Haley ….who is now known as “Hand Job Daly” Hmmm?...Bah-Knee likes “Hand Job Daly” whoa!!!...Any continuing Voi-Gens on hand Just Rachel…hmmm? Wonder if shes cumming back, and also “Just Steve”…nu category….Attends only On-Afters…Da Perfesser Limp-Limb…and da rest of the unmentionables….(Mua) Groping Bah-Knee, the Fantabulous “Clitigation”, Ms. Rectal Monitor…minus a Hula….”Rolled over touched Cock”….Who Dat???...and finally Half-Fast Nut Nipper, Pony Pumper, and Pony’s Tail…(Paquito)…all dis-respectable and well established EPH3 Half-Minds…which, whom, and all dat is need to Hash wif da EPH3….”Dee-De-Reee!!!”…Okay Corky…Put your tongue back in your mouth…and stop trying to bite your ear!!...Omph Okay…Bah-Knee!!...Dee-De-Reee….Dis is Bah-Knee signing off… On-On!!
Next Hash
3-2-2008 Sunday 3pm...Hare(s) Groping Bah-Knee, and Corky da Retard...Point "A" is at Montwood & Lee Trevino...Pah-keen lot of Carls Jr.
EPH3 Sunday the 17th Okay…so dare da
GropeMeister is, was, is at Point “A” La Calle O’Dark Bee-aahh, no Cheetos). An soooo Bah-Knee risking all, almost
having been da “DFL” himself, decided to be chee-val-rous, and played
“noyse-maid” to two, 2, dos, twi…1+1=2, seasoned Hashers….Bi-Da-Numbers (dat
wasn’t to bad), and da enviable, da one only, hailing from da
“Guys-Know-Cows-Logist Clinic in the Greater Northeast” headed by his “fellow
facecian/ous” Doktor Vinnie Boom-Bah,…Doktor Wang-Dang-Doo!...whom Bar-Knee
was thankful for…cause he ended up da “DFL”, “DFL”, “DFL” “Yes he did”…Yea!!
For Her Doktor Wang….Okay….well enuff of dis ranting, let’s capsize…da
hoe…darn scenario….RA (Religious Advisor for short)…take it
away….FRB…shooot…I don’t know…guess it was Hoser simultaneously
AutoHashin…dats…why da dink was FRB and foist….suddenly again “he did it”…
”Zap! Splat!..Pow! Wow-ee-Guzowee!” Holy Bear Fur, Bad-Mann!
Hoser, Ewe Dink…why did you hit me (again)?? Bah-knee asks with a another slight tear in his eye…Ewe big Dink! Cause U-was dare
Bah-Knee…Cause U-was dare…and da Hoser needs abuse practice!! The weekly “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate,
and Hashit Award” went to old-cummer now…”Wake me wen eeet’s over”…Why? Cause
“He did it”…Cums da Fart-Test…(from Nebraka in On-On….Groping
Bah-Knee signing out… Next Hash...
@ Circle K Pah-Keen Lot...Hare Porta John... EPH3 20th
Anniversary of Da Founding of the El Paso H3 Ooohh Sssshit!! I says to myself!….Did I
git-nuff “Bee-aahh, &
Cheetos”!…”Eye don’t tink Sooooo” …OMG…Everybody’s here…you’d tink we was
handing out government cheese, and powdered milk…although the powdered milk would cum in handy to lay
trail (splooge)…I’ve never seen so many “Dombligos” in one
spot..B-4…pertaining to an outing wif da EPH3, i.e.…Hmmm?..Why?
Need we be sur prised?…Of course not! We are the hottest
Party in town on a Sunday afternoon; especially wif GrandMaster Peter’s Out
laying trail…(doe he is notorious for laying marathons; Yikes ) Hey Bah-Knee? Hooose gots the sign-up
sheets?…”Hoser” yells at me…Here they are,
Hoser!...Did ewe Git-nuff Bee-ahh?…Hoser asks…Don’t know yet! “Hey Bah-Knee, Bah-Knee,
Baaahhh-Kneee”? “Hey-Bah-Knee” WHAT!!! WHAT!!! What Hoser? This is a nice Point “A” huh? (Westwind at Next Hash...??
AutoZone Pah-Keen Lot off
UTEP EPH3 Sunday da Toid (3rd) of February “Super Bowl
Hash” 2) Then, on the 17th - A desert hash near the
Santa Teresa airport. 3) Lastly, any interest in a Saturday night
special? Maybe Sat. March 1? Otherwise it would have to
be Feb. 16th. A little pub crawl/party kind of thing?
Location TBA. It's for a special occasion I need to keep
secret for now. EPH3 Sunday January 27th, "Dog Pound
Hash" Now you've all hoid of the term “Dog Pound”...and
I don't mean the Hot Dog place with the Chili-Cheese Fries, and the
complimentary Angio-Plastic Device...they give you to un-clog your arteries
right after a meal....I'm referring to Sunday's Hash, which gave a hoe new
meaning to the Phrase, again "Dog Pound"......I've never seen so
many Dogs...in one place,...except for around my old childhood
neighborhood... when this old mutt bitch, my neighbor owned, use to cum into
heat noi-mally around the summer ...Then we'd have dogs come in from as far
as the West Side, Clint, Fabens, Canutillo...Hmmm? Sounds like our Hash now, Huh??? ....
Yikes!!...OMG...EPH3 better be careful or it's going to known as the "H3
for Wayward Dogs" Hash... Just bring a Collar...will be our motto...for
either your K-9..or one of our Bee-U-Tee-Full
Harriettes...Doh!!! Point
"A" a familiar spot...not far and perhaps a shouting
distance...from what da Porta..calls da
Crossroads...No scheduled Hare was on-hand...So the Porta being the Big-Guy
and Sports fan that he is, volunteered himself, and problemo cummer...Limp
Limb...and pulled a pick-up,...and layed one on us...It was good too! We was all over the place…We was here, We
was dare….We was everywhere!!..Now, da foist
pooch…that started on everyone…was Hula, aka, “Limp-Limbs litte Wiener”..go figure huh?..well she
started bah-keen away..soon as Hares were out…So I
says to the Dashhund..Hey..Lighten up wif the
incessant Bah-Keen..or we might just decide to soive
you up…wif some chili-cheese fries…Bar-Ba-Coa..(Bar-be-cue dog)…we’ll just
call her Wa-Wow-Coa!! Woof! How’s dat??… Now Let’s “C” on hand was “Slutty White
Trash” who is notoriously known the woild over as, ...AutoHashin aficionado,
and permanent “Beer Bee-ahh-sshh”. She also had sum-ah over-pampered pooch
wif her too!...and I don’t mean the package checked
poochee…Hers ”Looked like a Boxer”..The dog…i.e….da dog I say…Continuing On:
Udder Bow-Wow Parents…are recent new cummers…well maybe…not necessarily new
to cumming, could probably teach us (EPH3) a few new Kuma-Sutra positions…No,
No…Nu-cummers to the Hash…Newly Named...after a consensus from the naming
cum-tee-tee…Just Melissa is now and forever shall be known as
“High-End-Erections, or Erector”, and her cumming Pot-Nah…Just Pee-Tah (a
zen-master in training aka lost bigger than shit)…probably will be named,
next week…along with their mutt (Bow-wow)…Just Poncho.. Shssssh! Nobody say
nut-teen…but I think Just Poncho…the Mutt…is got a little sum-teen going on
wif Pony-Pumpers “Pony Tail” also known as “Paquito”…Mostly just alotta dry
humping going on. You could faintly hear Paquito bar-keen saying; Let me show
ewes…what “Alpha” Dog really means….toin-around…But really it was no problem,
cause “Paquito”s been Nipped…Neutered, da tenticles do not descend…as TR
(Twatt-Rott) at one time might have described it…Ohh!! Just Paquito gave us
some scare…too…seems he decided to relief himself in the “B” and Beer
truck…Whew!!! Mann…what a “Biological Hazard”. It smelled like “Ain’t Jack Shit” was back
in town, and Hashing wif us again. Yeah…Paquito was proud though…both for that
big prize…he left in the truck, and also, seeing his blaster master Pony
Pumper the dis-honorable recipient of the FRB, and weekly “Flying Fickle
Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Awards”…Yea!!! Woo-Hooo Pony,
and Paquito…. Religious Advisor
screams….Limp Limb in the Soy-Kul…we proudly also award ewe…A patch…Rectal
where are Ewes…Not that kind of Patch. He’s already had dat one…A “300 Hash”
Patch…Yea!!! Limp-Limb…Perfesser Limp Limb to ewes all…Ooooh…Ooooh, Before I
fergit…DFL, DFL!!...Was eet Rectal, or LollyGaggin Works-da-Meat…it was a
photo finish folks…both went to the soy-kul anyway. Oh…Yeah, yeah, Yea…We had a Voi-Gen…Sum
speedster Named Just “Tracey”…Mann She could fly…So the
GropeMeister caught up to her at a checking and kicked in the chin…just to
slow her down…”Just Tracey quit running so fast”…You’re making Porta look
bad…..Hopefully she’ll be back next week….Hmmm? I don’t know…Paquito was
looking at her too…with dat kinda “dry humping look” he gets……And so dare you
have eeet…folks…only one missing this week was da Hose Handler Monster…who is
said to be recovering from a Paquito Dry Humping Attack…and almost gaining
his full mind…whew, not quite though…He Half-mind is still in-tac…which is
all you need to Hash..with the EPH3 “Dog Pound and Home for Wayward Dogs”… On-On… Groping
Bar-Knee Next week – Mardi Gras theme, Super Bowl finish,
virgin lay for High End. Point A – Git this damn thing out timely, busybody. EPH3 The Woyald's Greatest Magic show…Tan-tan-TAN!....Now you see them, Now you don't…Was the theme for the
afternoon…involving EPH3s' running activities.. Yikes - Ooooops!...did da
Bah-knee say running…ex-cu-se-mua~!....I meant Hashing…Hashing...Also it has
been suggested that a petition to order a Re-Naming committee be considered
on behalf of Whacks-Off-Vinnie….Seems Da Vinnie, managed to break out of his
shell and inspired a reconsideration to rename him “Corey Powers” This to be
esplaned later…Now the Hares, “Works-da-Meat, and da Vivacious, now you see
her, now you don’t “Clitigation” laid a good dead trail…Hmmm? Is it possible
to have those two..together…in the same sentence…No,
No…Not WDM, and Clitigation…I mean “Dead, Lay”…Well perhaps fodder for
another discussion some udder time, right “TR”. It had been awhile since the EPH3….had been
out on that side of our beautiful city, NorthEast, EP, …also not risking
running into BJH3 old marks…Point “A”…couldn’t have been a better place to
have begun…Lowes Pah-Keen Lot…Chaulk was without mention…although perhaps,
Hoser, should’ve been more attentive…considering he was the foist one….to
have pulled a “Clitigation” move…Now you seem dem, Now you don’t”…The Great
Carmac, Hoser, and Clitigation”…are expert shape-shifters…cause EPH3 never
saw them again…after the foist check…I figured Hoser..probably
had the skinny on where “B” was gonna “B”…to no avail…that wasn’t the
case….So dares we were – going dis way and dat away…through Kenworthy, On-On Groping Bah-Knee.. Next Hash EPH3 Sunday December Twenty-Toid (23rd)…Christmas Hash On
Donner, On
EPH3 On-On Sunday
Release
Da Dogs of War! Came the Cry, and would've probably been a good theme for
Sunday's Hash….All there agree that Mr. Equinos Pumpus', aka, Pony Pumper's
favorite Pooch…Pony Tail, aka, Paquito, was keeping in step…with da Pumpers
acts of activity…No leg was safe on Sunday, and the only one "getting a
Shot of Leg, was Paquito (Drats) Dat notorious fur shredding dry humping
canine scoundrel….No, No…Not Hoser or Bah-Knee….Paquito, Paquito (Pony's
Tail). EPH3 could have easily fallen into a name change nomination,
Whew!!!! With close, and a likely prospect for EPH3's to have been re-named
to "Da Humpin Hash", Yikes!!! Led by non-other than "Paquito"…."Leash,
Leash…Please! Somebody get a Leash"…Wait a
minute, Hold da Phone…Hold Da Phone!!...I hoid somewhere dat Paquito's
Din-Ga-Lin-Gees were and had already been Nipped…."I know, lets ask,
"Nut-Nipper"….Oh!..Guess not…Seeing as
though "Nut-Nipper" is a Problemo Cummer…Nut Nipper, I hoid the
Cowboys also got their Nut's Nipped this past weekend by the Eagles….Well
with everything said…seems dat Just Poncho (Voigens Peter, & Melissa’s
udder Pooch) got the best of it…Hmmm? If you can call it dat…Anybody?
Anybody?...Getting a dry hump from Paquito, would dat be considered “getting
the best of it”…Hmmmm, I don’t know about dat…And Sooooo the Religious
Advisor led us on a hearty rendition of a EPH3 favorite dedicated to
Paquito…..Take it away Porta da RA…."Scrotum, Scrotum" S-C-R-O-T-U-M
"Scrotum, Scrotum" Hmmmm-hmmmmm!....I guess Pancho,
"Da-Udder-Poooch"…kind was dragging his tail after the Hash…and on
the way home… NExt Hash... Redd...Hare
is Hoser..PotLuck Afterwoids...Bring Sum-Teen to Eeet !!
EPH3...
Heinous, Heinous accusation that was imparted on the GropeMeister....EPH3 hear me!...Cum to my defense!...The Bah-Knee was accused of having Pre-Layed Sunday's Hash trail.....A trail that was scenic, well-planned...just the right distance & time...with an Outstanding, and a Virtuous Scenic view of the greater lower valley...carefully staged at the Bier-Check...How cruel a game...EPH3 has played on the Bah-Knee...But, I say "Release the Dogs of War!"...I will fight, tooth & nail...to defend my Dis-Honored bad name...Yes...EPH3...Next time da GropeMeister teams up with the "Works-da-Meat", you will all pay... vicously...for dat slight, & slander to defenseless Hare(s)....I want to (or a) "Sue", huh?....Who doesn't 36-24-36...yep...Yikes...I mean a want to bring suit... and I need a litigitous defender of the faith to cum to my aid... Where are you, Oh.Clitigation!!...Cum, I will help ewe...to cum (pause) to my aid...I'll bring a few aids too!...Bada-Bing, Bada-Boom... Anyway...Eh!...Cum on guys...Sundays Hash trail wasn't to bad.. I did doe, pull that one out of my old trails bag...except dat my mis-fortune was sum of ewes remembered the trail...Oooops, anyway...Having started out at, a now defunct "Bull Dogs & Englishman" Pub, Point "A" wasn't out in the boonies as most thought, and very accessible...the highlight of it all...is we had to stall da start till Hose-Monster made it in...with a flat tire...Boy, now dats dedication...flat tire et all, and he still makes da chaulk talk.. Porta was a real sport...although I think he scouted most of it before-hand...and than FRBeed the whole way...Carefully eyeing back, and making sure...Da Bee-U-Tee-Full "Bi-da-Numbers" didn't go astray towards "Vista Del Sol" again!!.... A close behind, Now....I tink... that da Weekly Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award, was maligningly (did I spell dat right?) bestowed on the Twatt-Rott...a recent regular now... hmmm...guess lots of fiber now.. Well, TR, has now made it to at least two Hashes, go figure, and of course EPH3 will not forgive her cumming problemo violations...sooooo, how else, but to punish a denouncer if not by awarding of the Hashit...You got it dear...in the Soykul for TR...no problem for TR...she sucked dem suds up...without a blink... TR swallows well EPH3...a real sport, didn't even spit a drop out! Yeah!!!...Actually, it should've and would've been a two-some, considering Mr. Nut-Nipper is on a moratorium from his Cowboys adoration and efforts to turn the whole Cowboys thang into a cult worship religion thang...I suppose that in this town...it wouldn't be hard...except dat most "cowboys cult" worshippers are fickle and easily turn, when they lose a game...or one of the players again becomes a convicted felon....We'll just call the Cowboys Cult guys "CC's"...Yep, dat we will...and will be happy dat the Nut Nipper made it in...He was sucking wind doe!...Hoid him say....Hey Bah-Knee...how much fodder is this trail?...Whoa...I'm hoiting, and trying to catch my breath....Just a little bit longer...Which is something I always get told from some of the Harriettess...in the Hash....Well seems dat Dr. Wang-Dang-Doo was impressed with da view...at the Bier Check....Bi-Da-Numbers decided to tie her shoe...Whoa...Ooooops sorry Porta...Nah, Nah!! He was impressed with the view of the Valley....also my Beer Bottle opening skills...Just call me Snaggle Tooth...Pop!!!...So again folks...I'll C-Ewes all in court ...You bunch of Half-Minds....which is only thang expected, and needed to Hash with EPH3...On-On!!!!
Bah-Knee!!
And Porta says: Next Run !!! sunday,sunday,sunday.......12.10.07......
EPH3…Sunday Nov 25th.. Hoser, as he was changing his clothes (yikes!!), in 37 degree weather…in the middle of Memorial Park’s Library Pah-keen Lot (Point A) glee-fully sang to us all - - “Don’t you wish your Boyfriend was Hot like me!” - “Don’t you wish your Boyfriend was Hot like me!”..and another short rendition of: “I’m too Sexy for the Hash, too Sexy for my Clothes, too Sexy for dis Chaul |